Near-death experience – suffocation

What is the experience of dying? Those who have not died do not know, and those who have died can no longer speak.

If it weren't for the fact that she had heard that people who committed suicide would go to hell after they died, she would have ended her rotten life a long time ago.

Although it was boring to live, although it was bad, although it was miserable, but the thought of being "in the same room" with those evil spirits who were deeply sinful after death, and being disgusted and tortured by them, she preferred to struggle in this world that bored her so much.

Yes, she was struggling. From the time she had thoughts, she didn't like the world, didn't like the people around her, and hated herself the most.

She shrank into her own cowering shell, looking at this ridiculous world and looking at this nasty self.

Death, she is not afraid. But she was afraid of the world after death. She was afraid that after she died, she would be reincarnated again, and she was afraid that after she died, she would go to hell and become an animal that would eventually go to the human table.

She had thought about many ways to die. She's afraid of pain, she's afraid of nausea. Because this feeling is the most inseparable for her in this world. Years later, pain reminded her that she was still alive.

So she thought, the pain of death, she can endure, it must not be as complete as her usual pain. And it was just a moment.

For many, many years, she lived to be a strong person in the eyes of others. Only she knew that in every almost unbearable night or day, the drama of death played out again and again in her mind.

She hated herself, why couldn't she be a little more free, take care of others everywhere, but it brought endless harm.

Yes, she wanted to die, she did. But she didn't want to die too painfully. In this life, she suffered too many sins and endured too much pain. She wanted to die a little more relaxed.

Today, I packed up the pile of worthless jewelry and pulled out the only platinum necklace that her classmates bought for her when she got married.

She put it around her neck, and in the mirror was a face that annoyed her, and the force of her hands gradually increased, and the necklace was little by little embedded in the flesh of her neck.

Oxygen was lost little by little, and she felt the pleasure and ease she had never felt before. The necklace went deeper and deeper, her face became more and more red, the force on her hands increased a little, she wondered if the necklace would break? If it is broken, can it be abandoned?

When she was about to finish suffocation, she let go of her hand. She coughed violently. Yes, she wanted to die, but she wanted to die clean. I don't want to die and be pointed out.

She thought of a large dose of tranquility, but she was afraid of the pain of dying.

Where can there be a pure land for her to leave quietly and painlessly?