On a business trip to a hotel, a beautiful woman came knocking on the door at ten o'clock in the evening, and she said that she lived next door to me, drank coffee, couldn't sleep, and wanted to talk to me. I gladly let her into the house. She said that her name was Zhang Li, she came to such a tour, I asked her why she did not bring a boyfriend, she said with a bitter smile, I don't know where my boyfriend lives, what his name is. I smiled and said, what a coincidence, I don't know what my girlfriend looks like, what she likes, what she doesn't like. Zhang Li and I looked at each other and smiled, and we felt much closer. Smelling the scent of her body, I was fascinated. I didn't expect to travel on a business trip, and actually picked up a girlfriend, which was really profitable. I whispered, I will be good to you in the future. She snorted, nodded and said, I believe you. We both imagined the future on this dark beach, and we felt extremely satisfied. We agreed that after we went back this time, we would quit our jobs and start our own companies together. We make money together, then buy a new house and a new car, and then we get married and work together until we are old. We also have many children, playing under our knees, calling us mom and dad, and it's beautiful to think about. Drinking Zhang Li's two bowls of fish soup. We each bowl, piping hot fish soup, although a little fishy, but it is really sweet to drink. A bowl of fish soup went into my stomach, and I felt more satisfied than ever. After a night of sleeplessness, a wave of sleepiness struck, Zhang Li's face gradually blurred in front of me, I yawned, my eyes went black, and I slept. I don't know how long later, I slowly woke up and found myself lying in a bathtub with a small note next to it...
2. I work in a listed company, the first two days to the boss sent two soft boxes of China, the next day the boss promoted me to the head of the department, the monthly salary rose to 60,000 yuan. When I got home, I handed it over to my daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law was happy and broken, her face was like a peach blossom, and she praised her continuously: "Husband is awesome, husband is really handsome!" While she was happy, I quickly took off my shoes and showed off a pair of tattered socks, eight of my ten toes exposed. I said pitifully, "Honey, you see, the brothers are showing up, give three dollars, and I will go to the small commodity market at the door to change my socks." The daughter-in-law gave me a blank look, turning her face faster than turning the book: "Roll, a pair of socks have only been worn for two years, and you have been harmed like this, and you will make the old woman unhappy all day long!" ”
3. When I go shopping with my wife at night, I see a lot of flowers selling. At that time, when my wife went to try on clothes, I secretly bought a tuzhi to romanticize. As a result, after I gave my wife, her brother first responded with surprise, second reaction was to say that I was wasting money, and third reaction was to scold me. She said angrily: Did you do something to be sorry for the old lady? Needless to say, I still can't sleep on the couch! What about good romance?
4. When I was young and vigorous in school, a classmate stepped on my foot that day, and without even saying sorry, I said a word to him, but he beat me up. I was angry, so I said to him: There is a kind of you waiting for me at the school gate after school! As a result, after school, I was left by the teacher for an hour because of too many wrong homework, and I played in the classroom for another hour... Then as soon as I came out of the classroom, I saw him still waiting for me at the school gate... Suddenly, his anger subsided for a while, and he quietly sneaked home from the back door of the school to eat...
5. I felt that my wife's menopause was early, and I had recently become unusually irritable, so I asked my mother-in-law to come and live for a while to help her condition. Today my wife bought a few goldfish to raise back, and I saw the fish lying at the bottom of the tank panting, all as if they were sick. So I blurted out: "Oh I go, these fish are..." My mother-in-law interrupted me: "Do you want to say that my daughter is too beautiful, so the fish have sunk?" "It seems to be teaching me, and it seems to be saving me...
6. I've been on a diet to lose weight these days, giving half of my share to my boyfriend when eating. Today I went to a breakfast restaurant I often went to eat, and I ordered two as usual, but I served three, so I asked the hostess if it was wrong. The hostess said while cleaning up the dishes and chopsticks: Hey, you come to me every day for breakfast, every time you give half to your boyfriend, you eat so much full, this aunt sent, don't want money! Suddenly my heart was moved... If it weren't for the bowl that was sent, it would have been a bit sloppy, and I almost believed it.
7. Today, my friend's nephew was waiting for a friend in the living room, and his nephew said that he would ask his parents to come and ask his friends to go after a fight at school. Friend: Why don't you let your parents go, afraid of being mixed doubles? His nephew: I blame the Eighteen Palms of the Descending Dragon that you taught, and I only hit two palms when I was scratched by the Nine Yin White Bone Claws. Friend: Since you lost, why did you ask your parents to ask me to go by name? His nephew: The teacher said that she would use her dog stick to make you descend the dragon eighteen palms, see how you, the uncle, taught me to fight with girls. Friend:......
8. This day the millionaire and the school flower wife chat together. The millionaire lit a cigarette and said, "Successful people like me, can you cite a shortcoming?" The wife said lightly: "No! The millionaire laughed and said, "It's okay, just give one!" The wife gave a blank look and said, "No! Asking the same answer several times, the rich man suddenly felt warm in his heart!
#Funny# #搞笑段子 #