In the face of this "unbearable weight in life", please choose "Live in the Moment"

When you think of life's "darkest hours," what comes to mind?

In the Douban topic "How did you survive those 'darkest moments' in your life?" Many people share their true experiences:

Parental divorce;

Suddenly laid off, afraid to tell his family, pretending to be still at work;

The day before the birthday was detected the tumor;

Depression that needs to be played against suicidal thoughts every day...

People can't help but think of the sentence in "The Road Few People Walk": Life is full of suffering.

In the most difficult time, what helps a person is this small exit. Here are some psychological tips for coping with life's major setbacks, and if you're also in the darkest hours of your life, hopefully it will provide you with some "outlets":

Radical acceptance: It's a fact, it's bad, but I accept it

The concept of radical acceptance originated in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) and was proposed by psychologist Martha Linhan in 1993. Its core ideas are:

In the face of major life changes, it is difficult to accept, but we can avoid spending energy on confrontation with facts through acceptance, which allows painful emotions to flow and avoid negative emotions from hurting people.

1) Identify "not accepting" thoughts

When in a painful mood, try to write down your thoughts and see the "no acceptance" voice in it:

"Things shouldn't be like that, it's not fair."

"Why is this happening to me?"

"What did I do wrong that led to this result?"

Tell yourself that it's normal to feel this way. A lot of people feel that way.

2) Observe and acknowledge pain

Imagining yourself as an observer and trying to observe and describe your emotions and feelings in the here and now allows you to look at them more calmly.

3) Practice acceptance

Try talking to yourself and ask yourself:

Assuming you've accepted it, what can you do?

Write down the specific actions that can be done, and then do it.

To be clear, "radical acceptance" is not to make you "grateful for suffering," but to let emotions be seen by facing up to real pain. Avoid escaping pain and bring greater pain.

Second, establish a stable social support system: be with people

Relationships are very important for both children and adults. The study found that:

Stable social support improves mental health, reduces stress, and in turn fosters a sense of meaning in life (Cohen, 2004).

Supportive social relationships may trigger some benign physical responses (e.g., lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and stress hormones) that improve a person's health (Uchino, 2006).

Specific social relationships can foster a sense of responsibility and make people more caring for themselves and others, which encourages a person to maintain a healthy lifestyle and engage in behaviors that promote their own health (Nock, 1998).

Traumatic events can easily lead to self-isolation and difficulty feeling support from others. We can gain social support for ourselves through a few proactive actions:

1) Make a list of people you can rely on and turn to for help at key moments, and write down the support they can provide: important family members, friends, social organizations, counselors, etc.

2) Create a "daily connection goal" for yourself that you can do right away, such as eating with your family once a week and having 10 minutes of undisturbed small talk with your partner every day.

3) The child's social relationship can not be ignored, if you are a parent, create more children to communicate with their peers in the environment, talk to him more about the topic of friends, help and encourage children to establish their own circle of friends, it is very important for his psychological ability development.

Stable physical space: create your own "comfort zone"

Environmental psychology believes that the physical environment plays an important role in creating a sense of order and meaning in our lives, and also shapes a person's perception of the self. Studies have found that those who spend more time building a "sense of home" for themselves develop better psychological functions, including more effective handling of emotions such as stress and anxiety, and coping with changes.

1) If you are in uncertainty, decorate your room with items that give you a sense of stability and meaning, such as: photos of family members, gifts from important others... They remind you of what's important and give you the energy to cope with change.

2) You can also create a few "corners of your own" in your city: such as a bookstore, a café... When you're in a bad mood or have to deal with major stress, go there and meet yourself.