My life is barren, but I remember being with you, laughing and crying. - To girlfriends
There's a comedy called "He laughs and tells a story, and you cry." "I've Started Thinking about You" is one such movie.
Jess and Milly are two unsuspecting girlfriends. They talked about everything, embroidering beards for the characters in Wuthering Heights together, experiencing the first kiss of the opposite sex together, witnessing each other's first taste of forbidden fruit, witnessing each other's marriage and children, crying more fiercely than she did when sending funerals for each other's relatives, and there was each other's presence in each photo, until Milly was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Ess and Milly are two unsuspecting girlfriends. They talked about everything, embroidering beards for the characters in Wuthering Heights together, experiencing the first kiss of the opposite sex together, witnessing each other's first taste of forbidden fruit, witnessing each other's marriage and children, crying more fiercely than she did when sending funerals for each other's relatives, and there was each other's presence in each photo, until Milly was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Jess, who learned that Milly had cancer, accompanied Milly to chemotherapy, helped her choose a wig, changed the wound on her breast, helped her choose a fake breast bra, and shut up about the fact that she finally got pregnant after years of hard work. Milly's time was short. On the confession wall, she wrote "Before I die, I want to be fearless", but in the end she was still afraid of not having Jess's company. When Jess's little life was born, he was by her side the whole time; and then quietly slept in Jess's sweet smile. Jess smiled and walked out of the room. She tried to get a few new girlfriends, but found that Milly was irreplaceable. Thankfully, she really stayed with her all her life, her whole life.
I've seen someone ask, "What is a real girlfriend?" ”
The best answer is: I know she won't go, she knows I won't go, I can find each other at any time; we all have our own lives, but we know that each other's world has always had each other behind us; there is no need to chat on WeChat every day, and there is no need to call and greet each other, but I can talk in minutes until midnight, in front of her, I will always be so unscrupulous. Girlfriend, in fact, is another self in the world. We are each other's confidence and backing, like a sincere and unshakable existence like family.
This is the best interpretation of "girlfriend".
The camaraderie between women is something that few men will understand. For women, love is two souls and one person, and friendship is one soul and two people. Without love, my life would be incomplete; without girlfriends, my soul would be missing. It lasts longer than love, is more reliable than love, and never loses time. It gave me the courage to face loneliness and let me no longer worry about misfortune.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > why women need intimate girlfriends</h1>
1, an alternative to the relationship between mother and child
All our lives, we are looking for a secure, loving attachment relationship. A child with a good mother-baby relationship, he is satisfied in an attachment relationship. He is fed and does not live in hunger for love, doubts about his sense of self-worth. For those who are not fed, partners or girlfriends are a substitute for the relationship between mother and baby, and the love that has not been received in the mother hopes that the partner or girlfriend will be satisfied.
Women are very fond of the intimacy and dependence brought about by the fine warmth and trivial communication and exchange, the woman's mind is more delicate, for the same as the woman's heart and ideas can show understanding and even active participation, most men can not understand the things, girlfriends even a look can understand the mind, women have too many things to say, and men often do not have the idea and patience to listen.
2, the need and satisfaction of seeking a sense of belonging
When we are almost forced to leave the mother's body, everyone is always looking for a kind of return intimacy, and same-sex friendship is basically the first intimate relationship we establish after entering society from the family. The psychological root of its production is our compensation and continuation of family affection and intimate relationships, and the psychological meaning of its existence is the need and satisfaction of our sense of belonging in the adaptation of the environment. From a certain point of view, it can be said that same-sex friendship is the need for everyone's self-knowledge and shaping, one of the ways to obtain love and recognition, and it is also a support group to find emotional support and alleviate the anxiety and fear of sharing their own in the face of challenges and pressures in the environment.
Therefore, girlfriends are likely to play a lot of roles that even parents can't play in women's growth and life, such as cheerleading, gas stations, garbage cans, emotional military divisions, safe havens, coordinators, shopping guides, chats, playmates, etc., and these multi-functional utilities and the intimacy that can be obtained during the period undoubtedly make women's delicate and sensitive hearts comforted, so that women's naturally rich and changeable emotions have been channeled.
Almost all women need girlfriends of their own. Moreover, the more excellent and capable a woman is, the more she needs a "girlfriend". She is your companion, your witness, and your teacher. The relationship between girlfriends has always been particularly delicate! Although it is friendship, it can be infinitely close to family affection; although it is not love, it is sometimes more romantic and selfish than love, which makes people feel at ease and uneasy.
In fact, the underlying logic of girlfriends is still the relationship between people. There has never been a static relationship in this world, and all relationships, including friendship, love, and affection, will not stand the worldly confinement and the test of time, as well as the disparity of status. So, in daily life, how do we get along with our girlfriends? Below I will analyze the way girlfriends get along from three psychological perspectives.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > second, the way to get along between girlfriends</h1>
1, follow the law of seesaw, keep the balance of interpersonal communication
Everything we do, we want to maximize our benefits, and so do our interpersonal interactions. No one is willing to give to others for free, and no one will get free of charge from others. A stable relationship must maintain a balance of mutual exchange. In fact, the relationship between people and people is like two people stepping on a seesaw, and harmonious coexistence requires maintaining balance and reciprocity between the two sides. Once the exchange is not equal to each other, then it will be out of balance like a seesaw. This is also known in psychology as the "seesaw law."
The famous social psychologist Hohmanns proposed that interpersonal communication is essentially a process of social exchange, giving each other what they need. Being self-centered is a barrier to interpersonal communication that prevents your relationships from developing normally.
The person who thinks only of himself and ignores others is like sitting on the top of a static seesaw, although he maintains a superior position, but the whole interpersonal interaction loses the pleasure of interaction, and thus becomes boring. For some people, "selfishness" is conscious, while others are unconscious. Conscious selfishness is a matter of personality, such as those who are born to take advantage of small things and be preoccupied; and unconscious selfishness is a problem of social skills. Whether it is due to personality or do not know social skills, we should consciously recognize the problem of reciprocal contributions in interpersonal communication to maintain the reciprocity of interests.
There is a saying in the Bible: How you want others to treat you, you should treat others.
In daily life, we must master the principle of seesaw, mainly to pay attention to the following points:
01． Equality will balance.
Everyone around us, regardless of their position, knowledge, gap between rich and poor, physical strength, age, etc., is equal in personality. Therefore, in interpersonal communication, we must not exalt ourselves and despise others, or reject others thousands of miles away by virtue of our own advantages. In addition, in interpersonal communication, for all people, we should give due respect, respect for the personality, personality habits, emotional hobbies and privacy of others.
02． Try to help others, it seems to give, but it is actually a gain.
In school moral education classes, teachers often emphasize that "helping others is a virtue." In fact, if we look at this problem a little utilitarianly, we can also understand it as helping others for our own sake. Because everyone has difficulties, everyone needs to get help from others. If you don't lend a helping hand when others need it, then you're not qualified to ask for help when you're in deep trouble.
03． Increase the value of being "exploited". You deserve to be owned.
Since communication is the exchange of benefits, if you want to be popular and attract others, then you need to increase the value of your "being used". The establishment and maintenance of all interpersonal relationships are the result of people's choices according to certain values. People tend to establish and maintain relationships that are worthwhile for themselves, while relationships that are not worthwhile to themselves or that have been lost more than gained tend to escape, alienate, or terminate.
In "I've Started Thinking about You", a person who is willing to accompany a friend to the wilderness 250 kilometers away with a bloated body of pregnancy, and a person who is willing to witness a friend give birth even if he is too weak to lie in bed. You need it, I must be there. When Jess gave birth to a child, Milly had to accompany him regardless of his own safety, and the last moment of Milly's life was When Jess held her hand to complete his life.
Chinese pay attention to courtesy exchanges, but also the performance of the principle of reciprocity, girlfriends need to follow the principle of reciprocity.
2, be wary of the psychological effect of the waterfall, and do not say what should not be said
The psychology of the sender of the message is relatively calm, but the message sent triggers the unquiet psychology of the recipient of the message, which leads to a change in attitude and behavior. This phenomenon of psychological effects, just like the waterfalls in nature, is calm and quiet above, but the flowers and mist are flying below. This phenomenon is known in psychology as the "waterfall psychological effect".
There is a story that a man invited four friends to dinner at home on his birthday. When three people arrived, one more did not arrive. The master was a little anxious and blurted out: "Hurry to die!" Why hasn't it come yet? One of the guests present was very unhappy after listening to it, and said to the host: "You said that the one who should have come has not yet come, which means that we should not come, then I resign, goodbye!" After saying that, he left angrily. One person did not come, the other person was angry and left, and the master was so anxious that he said again: "Really, those who should not have left are gone." One of the two remaining guests said angrily, "According to your words, it's time for me to go!" Okay, I'll go. "After saying that, I turned around and left. Another guest was left angry, and the host was as anxious as an ant on a hot pot, overwhelmed. The last friend left behind had a deep friendship with the master, and persuaded: "Friends are all angry with you, you should pay attention to what you say." The man said very aggrievedly, "They have all misunderstood me, and I am not talking about them at all." The friend listened, couldn't hold back any longer, and his face changed dramatically: "What! You're not talking about them, you're talking about me! After saying that, the last friend also left angrily.
There is an old Chinese saying that goes, "The speaker has no intention, the listener has the intention", you obviously just said a word without intention, but "intentionally" hurt others, the light causes the other party's dissatisfaction, and the heavy causes disasters to yourself. Therefore, when you are dealing with others, you must be careful in your words and deeds, and pay attention to the measure of your own speech.
The "Chronicle of History" records such a story: there was a cripple and Pingyuan Jun Zhao Sheng were neighbors, and one day, Pingyuan Jun's concubine saw the cripple, and she ridiculed the cripple. The crippled man went to Zhao Sheng to report this situation and asked Zhao Sheng to kill the concubine.
When Zhao Sheng hesitated, the lame man persuaded, "In everyone's opinion, Pingyuan Jun is a person who respects the scholars and despises the lowly women, so the disciples have come thousands of miles to run to you." If you do not decide for me, others will think that you love sex and are a, and leave you. Pingyuan Jun heard this and resolutely beheaded the concubine.
From this story, we can see how important it is to speak in proportion. In interpersonal interactions, the negative effects of the waterfall psychological effect often outweigh the positive ones. If you want to reduce and avoid the negative waterfall psychological effects in interpersonal interactions, you must always remind yourself not to make unintentional and hurtful mistakes.
In daily life, it is important to grasp the proportions of speech. So, what should we pay attention to?
1． Maintain each other's self-esteem
Self-esteem is a wonderful thing, and when you attack it head-on, it is stronger, but if you have a gossip, you can defeat it. Therefore, when speaking, we must pay attention to the sensitive points of the other party, such as the other party is very fat, try not to talk about this topic.
2． Pay attention to the way you speak
When talking, we must pay attention to the way we speak, and we must not speak too bluntly. The so-called "blunt speech" means the courage to speak the truth, to the point, not to hide evil, and not to make things up. In the ordinary interpersonal process, "outspokenness" has many drawbacks. As the saying goes: "Speaking bluntly is a sharp blade, hurting others and hurting oneself." Although bluntness is the truest expression of meaning and an honest performance, it is still necessary to restrain it when it is implemented in detail, and try not to "speak bluntly" when it should not be "bluntly speaking". Otherwise, it is easy to inadvertently hurt the other party.
3. Don't be too emotional in your communication
In social occasions, we advocate that it is better to treat people and things with warmth and gentleness, the attitude should be kept spoiled, and the communication with anyone should not be too emotional, and we should know that subjective speculation and open mouth will often make things worse. Not being able to control emotions will give people a sense of instability, and objectivity can win people's hearts. The objectivity mentioned here means respecting facts, seeking truth from facts to reflect objective reality, and paying attention to the way of expression depending on the occasion and object.
In this movie, Milly abandons herself because of cancer, simply unrestrained, and drags Jess to the wasteland for her birthday. Jess discovers that Milly didn't come to the wilderness to fulfill her inner dreams, but rather to have a crazy erotic affair with the bartenders. The two men were very emotional, and began to speak mercilessly, and the war escalated, and the two quarreled until they broke up. Jess was also injured by slipping. Once incomparably close girlfriends were once caught in the Cold War.
Even if it is between girlfriends, there will occasionally be a conflict, at this time, although there is no malice, but if you can't close your mouth, it may also bring heavy damage to your feelings. Therefore, in daily life, we must remember to "leave three points for words to the mouth" and leave room for ourselves to give each other.
3, keep in mind the law of sending charcoal in the snow, and send a beam of light to your fallen friends
The law of sending charcoal in the snow refers to the psychology of people who will be grateful for helping themselves when they are in difficult situations, and this kind of gratitude will be impressive. People can forget some of the usual help, but the help that you receive during special times will be deeply imprinted in your mind.
In real life, people will always encounter some difficulties, encounter things that they can't solve, at this time, if you can give each other the help they can, the other party will always remember it, and even forget it for life. In helping others, in terms of their inner feelings, giving him gold and silver treasure when he is rich is completely different from giving him a glass of water, a bowl of noodles, and a piece of love when he is in distress.
Anyone in the world will have a time to ask for others, there will also be a time to help people, when you plan to help others, you must uphold this principle - save others and save yourself. In fact, this is not difficult to understand, that is, when others have asked for you, those who can help each other must try their best to answer the other party.
In this movie, Jess and Milly are two unsuspecting girlfriends. When the two people first met, it was Jess who was ridiculed by her classmates for her American accent after moving from the United States into the United Kingdom, and at that time, she was lonely and helpless inside, only Milly broke the siege for Jess and helped her correct her accent, like a ray of sunshine in winter, warm and bright. It was also at that time that Jess began to regard Milly as a lifelong friend, she thought that she must accompany her for the rest of her life, and the final outcome we all know, Milly had cancer, closed her eyes in Jess's arms, and Jess she really accompanied Milly's life.
When it comes to helping others, any kind of effort will not be in vain. Of course, your intentions may soon be rewarded from the other person, sometimes not necessarily, but it doesn't really matter. Time will give you the best answer.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > written at the end:</h1>
Every woman has a lot of friends around her, but friends and girlfriends are still different. Your friend is just the one who can drink and chat with you, and your girlfriend is the one who stays last and personally sends you home. So, the last paragraph, I want to give to my girlfriend.
Hi girl. I often think that if you were a man, you wouldn't have anything to do with my husband, because it was really too good for me. You can accept and tolerate all my embarrassing, selfish, cowardly side, always stand in my interests for my consideration, and also truly rejoice for my little happiness. Most importantly, you are as tolerant of me as family.
You know the secrets that are deep in my heart, and you know all my happiness and unhappiness. Because of you, the worst days will not be bad, I never feel that I am lonely, even if I am frustrated, I will not be at a loss, and even have the courage to end up alone, because I know that no matter what, you will accompany me.
Thank you for giving me all the security. The days are full of chicken feathers, and the girlfriends are old and barren.
If I don't see you, I've already started thinking about you.