"Cherry eight yuan a pound, if you buy more, each pound only sells for five yuan!"
Not long ago, in Lishui City, Zhejiang Province, an old man carried a basket of cherries and sold them on the street.
These cherries, big and fresh, whether online or in supermarkets, at least tens of yuan a pound.
Passers-by watched and snapped up, and the cherries in the old man's basket were quickly sold out.
Someone inexplicably asked the old man why he did this.
The old man said: These cherries were just sent to her daughter by her daughter, too much to eat, do not want to waste ...
——It is conceivable that when the daughter sent the cherry, she did not tell the price truthfully, and may even deliberately say a very low price when the old man asked, lest the old man be distressed by "too much money".
And this old man, selling the cherry, I am afraid that it is not "too much to eat", but reluctant to eat.
Many old people have the habit of saving up old newspapers, empty bottles, cardboard boxes, etc. to sell, and the old man probably regards the cherry as a "treasure" that can be sold for money.
Saving as much as possible, and even "making a little money", is the common psychology of many elderly people, which is also to alleviate the worries of their children...
The old man's meticulous calculations and the daughter's filial piety seem to be in different frequency bands - so the expensive cherries sent by the daughter were sold by the old man so cheaply.
Both father and daughter are well-intentioned, but when they collide together, they have created an "absurd drama", which makes people feel a lot.
In addition, how to "honor the elderly" who have entered the society and take responsibility for the children who have entered the society and are more and more disconnected from society is also an endless topic.
All of this reminds people of a book: Bi Xiaonan's "Before You Leave.".
"My old lady, poor life!"
The book talks about such a family:
A girl, born in an ordinary family in a fourth-tier city. During college, his father died of illness, and he and his mother have been dependent on him ever since.
After graduating, the girl worked and established herself in Shanghai, often sending some money to her mother in her hometown.
"My mom was very frugal and didn't have any hobbies. If I send her some good cigarettes and good wine, she blames me for 'spending so much money'. Simply, I give her the money, and she can buy whatever she wants. ”
She took advantage of a long vacation to take her old mother to Shanghai to play for a few days, and wanted her to stay in a nearby hotel, but the old man was too expensive and preferred to sleep on the sofa in her daughter's living room.
The old man was not very interested in visiting the park and tasting Shanghai's special snacks, and she cleaned the room when her daughter was not at home.
She stepped on the stool, took the curtains off and washed them, tied a rope between the two trees outside the door, dried the curtains, and finally, pedaled the small, unstable stool and hung the dry curtains.
To dissuade her daughter, the old mother said:
"Anyway, these tasks, I have already done it by hand, and in my hometown I often step on a stool to take things, it's okay..."
The day before leaving, the old man refused to bring anything and did not let his daughter spend money;
Instead, he made a pot of ribs for his daughter.
The ribs were a big pocket she had sneaked to the wet market two kilometres away, and said to buy them there was more affordable than the nearby supermarket.
The old lady has a long-term high blood pressure, and the antihypertensive drugs she takes every day are opened by a small hospital not far from home, and the price is low.
The girl advised her to go to the big hospital every year and have a good physical examination, but the old man resolutely refused:
"It's all right! Besides, if you really find out a big problem, the big hospital may not be able to cure it well, and the money will waste a lot..."
Recalling these past events, the girl cried:
"In those years, in addition to sending more money to my mother, I don't know what else I could do for her." Until one day, my mother was hospitalized with a sudden emergency. I rushed back to my hometown, but she didn't get out of the hospital. ”
"When I gave her money, she didn't move a penny, and saved me a lot of money. In the last few days before leaving, my mother repeatedly said to me, saying that the deposit password was my birthday, and urged me to get married and start a family early..."
"Looking back now, instead of giving her money, I would have taken her down to the restaurant to eat something good, taken her to the best hospital in Shanghai, and done a full body examination... Even if my mother has some money in hand, she is still suffering from poverty! And I didn't understand this until she was dying..."
In this regard, the book is full of emotions:
Filial piety to the elderly also requires more speculation and understanding of the inner world of the elderly;
Otherwise, filial piety may not play the expected role, fail to improve the quality of life of the elderly, and even "add chaos" to the elderly.
Drifting away, parting as it progresses
The book says that there are many children, parents have always been very healthy, and usually family reunions during the New Year's Festival;
However, on the spiritual level, the distance from the parents has been irretrievably drifted away, and even seemed to live in a completely different world.
This is also a kind of "parting".
For many contemporary children, this is also something that they will inevitably have to face when they are growing up.
"Talking to my parents, a lot of times, I don't seem to have anything to say except mmm
More than one person, in an interview, said this to the author of this book.
There is a post-90s generation, who is in the same city as his parents, but in the second year after graduating from college, he moved out and rented his own house.
"I don't dare to tell the second elder about many things. For example, I have a girlfriend, if I tell my parents, my parents will inquire about her various situations like checking her household registration, and I will always worry about this matter, hoping that we will both get married quickly. If they break up later, mom and dad will break it up and ask why..."
"I usually go to my parents' house once or twice a month, sit for a while, have a meal, and then leave. I don't like the TV shows that my parents love to watch. ”
"When we sat together, the second elder watched TV, I played mobile games, several times, my father was not happy because of this, and I had a big fight. I had to put down my phone to avoid arguing with him, sometimes sneaking into the toilet and sitting on the toilet playing games. ”
He said that he would accompany his parents every New Year's Holiday, but in fact, even if he and his parents were in the same room, the inner distance was almost indistinguishable from when he was not at home.
The father and mother who used to be closest to her seem to have become the "most familiar stranger" at this moment.
The book tells a lot of such examples, and there are many emotions.
When children grow up, they often inevitably mean that they are separated from their parents and the original family to some extent, otherwise the children will not be able to be independent.
This process seems logical to children who are in the "ascending stage of life";
For aging parents, I am afraid it is a different taste, including loneliness, loss, and a decrease in self-worth.
Thinking from another position, in the future, when we reach the age of our parents, even if our children and grandchildren are full, will we have the same fate as them?
Is all this the life we want?
Why not have more "high-quality companionship"
In response to the above problems, the book suggests that every young person whose parents are still alive may wish to have more high-quality companionship with his father and mother.
This is more than spending money to buy things for parents, or sending money to parents, which can touch the hearts of the elderly.
In a sense, the psychology of the elderly is also somewhat similar to that of young children.
It is not enough for parents to raise young children, just to spend money on good food, buy various toys, or simply give money to their children;
More importantly, parents must spend enough time with their children, and they must carefully capture every signal sent by their children, respond in a timely manner with a fully accepted attitude, and give positive feedback to their children.
Most young people who grow up healthy are raised by their parents in the first place.
Today, children who have settled down in a business also have the obligation to give back to their fathers and mothers in a similar way.
Differences in concepts may not be changed, and for those topics that are prone to disagreement and dispute, it is advisable to "avoid minefields".
However, we may also wish to think more about it with the idea of "doing addition":
What are some new and interesting topics to talk to your parents about?
Or, in what way can parents be exposed to something new?
For example, if your parents have good legs and feet, you can take your parents to see places of interest and visit parks;
Or, do something worthwhile with your parents – whether it's making dumplings, sauced meat, planting flowers and setting up the room.
Fruits like cherry seeds, instead of buying a lot of online shopping for parents, it is better to buy a small amount, personally bring it to parents, wash it by hand, and eat it with their parents;
You can also eat while chatting about topics that make the elderly happy - such as talking about the old people's past, listening to the old people blow about their own youth...
Even if for various reasons, it is impossible to go back to your hometown to accompany your parents, you can also shorten the distance between you and your parents through WeChat videos and other means - especially psychological and emotional distance.
Internet tools can also achieve high-quality companionship functions to a certain extent.
Of course, it is still very necessary to go home often and see if you can communicate with your parents face-to-face.
Parents will eventually grow old, and before that, more high-quality companionship and more happy moments can also make us in the future less irreparable regrets.