Author: There is no tear light harbor drifting hard.
Chloe has a typical Hong Kong woman's appearance: a slender face, large eyes deep under the double eyelids are far apart on the sides of the high nose bridge, fleshy but delicate lips, and the skin is not as fair as that of a woman in the north (north of Guangdong is known as the north in Hong Kong), but it is particularly harmonious on that slender figure. If you meet her in Hong Kong's Central, you only need to glance at her black suit, dark brown shoulder-length short hair, smart demeanor, and high and cold temperament, you can tell that she is a female lawyer.
I first met Chloe in early 1993. It was my first day in Hong Kong from the U.S., and my office was next to Chloe's. This is my third time in Hong Kong, and the last two stays in Hong Kong did not add up to more than ten days, and I am not familiar with Hong Kong. Moving to Hong Kong is also accidental. The law firm working in the United States sent me and two partners to Beijing for a meeting, and when we returned to the United States, the secretary made a mistake, and obviously ordered a direct return flight but booked a ticket that needed to be transferred back to the United States in Hong Kong. Hong Kong in the early 1990s was still under British rule, and Chinese could not transit from abroad to Hong Kong without special permits. The turnaround came on a Friday afternoon, and since I was in the city, I decided to spend the weekend checking out the local area. The towering Central, the popular Causeway Bay, the star ferry full of local style, the charming Victoria Peak at night... When I looked out of the floor-to-ceiling window of my hotel room at the illuminated Kowloon City across the harbour, I realized for a moment that I liked this vibrant city where Eastern and Western cultures intertwined, and decided to break out of the sky here. Hong Kong is a fast-paced, efficient society, and when I came back a few weeks later for an interview, the offer letter came, and after much thought, I decided to join McGleville Law Firm.
McVille is one of britain's top established law firms, with a long history and therefore a conservative nature, with mostly male lawyers, senior lawyers all men, and all but two HongKongers are white. The few female lawyers are local lawyers at the junior and intermediate levels, including me. Chloe got her bar a few years earlier than our other female lawyers, and she was more qualified than we were. The other women lawyers, who are of similar qualifications as me, studied law at university under the British education system, and after graduation, they studied as lawyers. Unlike me, who studied law in China for four years, went to the United States for another three years to study for a doctorate in law, and worked in Hong Kong for a few years after graduation, so although I am similar in age, my experience in the industry is shallow than theirs.
The female lawyers in the firm are basically single young women. The work items are different, but the workload is heavy, with at least twelve hours a day in the office. Often get together to eat, chat, climb mountains, watch movies, talk about their bosses, and get along with each other. I was the only one in the institute with a mainland background, and since I didn't know Cantonese, I often felt like an outsider who couldn't devote myself to it. Gradually, he found that Chloe in the team was not very gregarious either. Chloe is the kind of person who doesn't smile and is full of cold style. When people meet in the office hallway, they always have a chat, and Chloe never just nods, smiles or simply answers to greetings from superiors and subordinates, and walks away. Interesting people are not likely to have extra greetings with her except for talking about work. Other female lawyers complain behind her back that she has strong business ability and is valued by her boss, and does not take other young lawyers seriously. I don't think there's anything wrong with Chloe keeping a distance from everyone, the women are warm but not much together. Although Chloe is a little cold, she is still very enthusiastic about people.
I'm a night owl, always wake up half an hour later in the morning than when others normally get up, coats and shoes are usually put on in elevators, and makeup is usually done in taxis. Breakfast is usually just a cup of coffee, bought downstairs in the company and taken to the office to drink. Chloe usually came to the office earlier than I did, and by the time I arrived she was already buried in a pile of papers to work on. I don't know when I arrived at the office to find a box of raw fruit or a croissant on the table. At first I didn't know who had bought it for me, until I occasionally passed by Chloe's office and watched her eat the same thing before I realized it was her. When she thanked her, she just smiled lightly and said that my breakfast was too unhealthy. Every day Chloe leaves the company, and when she passes my office, she will stop and chat against the door for a while. Talk about movies, books, hot topics, but never about work or company. Over time, we became friends. I don't think Chloe likes me alone because I'm charismatic, maybe it's precisely because I'm an outsider in their circle, and my background is completely different from her and other female lawyers, which is a breeze for her. The other female lawyers in the firm have similar backgrounds: studying together at HKU, or studying together in the UK, everyone was once a competitor for further education or employment, parents may have known each other, or they may have loved a man at the same time... Where there is a common history, there must be the burden of long-term knowledge.
After a long time together, I found that Chloe under the ice shell was actually a ball of tenderness and sadness. Because she is more senior than me, we are often assigned to work on a project team. There are usually three to four lawyers in the group: the partner leader, who is mainly responsible for the check of client relations and major legal issues; the senior lawyer is responsible for the drafting and negotiation of most legal documents; the responsibility of the junior and intermediate lawyers is to assist the senior lawyer and coordinate the project management; the trainee lawyer is responsible for basic communication, research and other work. Each lawyer usually works through several ongoing projects at the same time. Still, when there are big projects that attract the attention of the financial or business community, everyone will try to squeeze in. Participating in these projects means the opportunity to get more year-end rewards and is very conducive to building a resume. How to grab this kind of project is a set of secrets that cannot be explained in three words and two words, and the recommendation of senior lawyers is an indispensable part. Chloe graduated from the University of Hong Kong at the top of her class and received offers from a number of international law firms. After joining McVille Law Firm, she was the first choice for almost any project with major impact or hot spots, and she also had the right to make a decision on the organization of the group. She would often pull me in for a group of people, and almost every week we would go on a field trip together. Some people say that the easiest and most effective way to test whether a lover can be a husband or wife is to take a long trip together. Two young female colleagues of similar age, teammates in a competitive workplace, after completing several projects together, are generally either friends or enemies. In addition to Chloe and I's had a hard time negotiating and staying up late to catch papers, I also knew something about her background.
Chloe grew up in a difficult environment. Her mother came from a poor family when she was young, but she was very good-looking, and after graduating from high school, she was favored by a man who was successful in business but was a teenager older than him. Although the man had a wife and children, it did not prevent him from pursuing Chloe's mother fiercely. Her mother could not resist the favor of this mature man, the temptation of caravan luxury, and married him as a concubine a year later. Hong Kong followed the Great Qing Laws during the British colonial period, and it was not until the reform of the Marriage Law in the 1970s that the legal monogamy was implemented, so the Chinese concubines in Hong Kong in the 1960s were legal and common among the rich. Her mother gave birth to two younger brothers in the four years after Giving birth to Chloe.
Chloe's memories are filled with the embarrassment of her father at the school's parent-teacher meeting, the disappointment of her mother's daily expectation that her father would come to the house to eat and spend the night, and the humiliation of her mother leading the three brothers and sisters to give a big gift to the big mother and sit down at the family gathering during the New Year's Festival. Chloe spoke of her father with pain and hostility in her eyes. She hadn't seen her father since she went to college on a full scholarship. She graduated first with honors from the graduation ceremony of the University of Hong Kong and saw her father sitting in the crowd, and she pretended not to see him. From the beginning of her work, she began to raise her mother and provide for her brother to study, and did not allow them to accept their father's support. Her heart was scarred, and I listened to her talk but was inconvenient and unbearable to ask, but I felt that there must be other sad things that were inconvenient to share, otherwise why not be supported by his father, which is his responsibility as a father? A girl who is intelligent and extremely self-respecting must have a sensitive heart, and on the way to growth, she must capture many big mothers and concubines, two different families, many favoritisms and other delicate relationships. Her two younger brothers looked much happier than she was. However, when I met Chloe's mother, I doubted Chloe's judgment for a time.
When I first met Chloe's mother, I estimated that she was in her early forties. Round face, white and delicate skin, plump body, hands and feet exuding a strong feminine flavor. There is no such thing as worldly vicissitudes in his eyes, and he actually has the shyness of a girl when he laughs. She gave me a dish during the meal, and in front of me was a pair of white, fat, round and smooth hands, and I subconsciously left my rough hands like men tightly under the dining table. The woman didn't look like she had suffered anything, nor did she look like she had been hurt in her heart. How could I have connected her with the tormented concubine in Chloe's mouth. How complex and elusive is the human heart!
At that time, after the firm completed a large project, the partners would often invite the young lawyers in the firm to the bar downstairs of the exchange square to have a few drinks, first to celebrate the successful completion of the project, and second, to boost morale and reduce pressure. The multi-attribute among us is lively and cheerful, drunk three times, or talking or laughing, and is the most noisy group in the bar. After a few glasses of wine, Resha would sit in the corner of the sofa, bathed in the dim flickering light and meditate, and the whole person would be like a lit incense wax quietly and silently emitting a faint sadness and loss. Usually she was chatting on the couch, in addition to me, the firm's youngest partner, James.
This James is a legend in the Hong Kong legal profession. Having gone to boarding school in the UK as a child, he is a highly talented student at Oxford University, and is recognized as a business savvy and one of two Chinese partners in McVille Law Firm. James spoke English with a pure, high-society accent and wrote better than any native British lawyer. Hong Kong in the early 1990s was a British colony and the working language was English. The quality of English is often a sign of educational attainment, a stepping stone in the workplace. Although an established top law firm like Macville opened branches in Hong Kong in the 1950s, it was only in the late 1980s that two Chinese were promoted as partners, and James was one of them. Before the 1980s Chinese was suppressed, for example, the Hong Kong Club only accepted Chinese as a member after the 1980s. Such discriminatory treatment is unimaginable to people like me who grew up in New China. I remember the surprise and indignation I felt after hearing about it for the first time. In fact, why are you so surprised? Hong Kong is a colony under british rule, and the natives of the colony are naturally second-class citizens! In such an environment, James can gain a place among the elite kings, how hard it is to think. However, what puzzled me was that James went to school in england at the age of nine, how did he achieve Chinese and he was very fluent? James is an approachable man, confident but not conceited, always humble and courteous, and has a very good reputation in the firm. At the age of thirty-five, he has always been single, and whenever he goes to the office to work overtime, he can see his thin figure.
Chloe and I had an unwritten pact that after the work project was over, the two of us would eat a japanese meal. We would order my favorite Hokujido sea urchin sushi, her favorite grilled silver snowfish, and all kinds of sashimi that we both liked. Chloe's meal is also typical of a Hong Kong girl:ordering a lot, then putting the food in a bowl and pushing it around, and finally eating only a small half. Most of the food went into my stomach with laughter. That day, when I was carefully shoving a yellow-orange sea urchin sushi into my mouth, Chloe suddenly said that she had gone to the court today to change her name. Chloe is her English name, and her Chinese name is Fang Qianwen. She said that she had recently gone to ask the fortune teller to forget it, and that this name should be changed before marriage, otherwise it would be detrimental to the marriage. As she spoke, her big eyes lit up, her eyes were full of joy and anticipation, and the whole person became unknown to me, scaring me. marry? I didn't hear she had a boyfriend! Under my unyielding questioning, she finally confessed that she had always loved James, but James was too good, his family was prominent, and she did not deserve him, so she has been silently and painstakingly in love with him. Until a few months ago, a chance for the two to meet in a restaurant, when they ate and chatted together, they learned that James also liked her, but because of Chloe's deliberate avoidance, she could not be sure of her intentions, after all, the two people worked together, and it was a superior-subordinate relationship, in case of a mistake in judgment, it was difficult to work together, so a deep affection had to be buried in the bottom of the heart.
wow! The story sounds like watching a movie. I grew up in the Air Force compound. When I was young, I used to play with a bunch of male hackers climbing trees over walls, playing slingshots, riding flying cars, and teasing cats and dogs. When he was twelve years old, when riding a bicycle on a big downhill flight, he suddenly saw dark black blood flowing down the beam under his saddle, and he cried in fright, thinking that he was going to die. Mom explained that girls do it once a month, and I know the difference between girls and boys. Knowing that I don't go to my heart much, when I grow up, Wen Jing's appearance hides the rough heart of a tomboy. Emotionally, if you like a boy, you will tell him bluntly that when you meet him, he also likes me, and he falls in love violently; if the other party does not like me, I will not regret my confession. I have never had any soft intestines, and my feelings are lingering, so listening to Chloe tell her love story, although I feel that this twist and turn is strange and tired, I can't help but be deeply moved by these two people, and I am sincerely happy for Chloe, who has a lover who has finally become a family.
Chloe and James's wedding took place at the Four Seasons Hotel in the Maldives. The vast Indian Ocean, the white sand beach is an auditorium made of cherry blossoms airlifted from Japan, the strings play light and romantic music, when the sunset dyes the sky red, the newcomers enter the hall, really a talented woman, an enviable pair of bi people. Not long after the wedding, I left Macville to join the Hong Kong office of an American law firm, where I was responsible for Southeast Asia, where I traveled almost every week. A year later I was also married, and Chloe flew to the United States to attend my wedding. With each of us having a home and not working together, we all struggled to have lunch for a few weeks. Over the past few years, we have all changed jobs again, and we have been promoted as our qualifications have increased, and our responsibilities have become heavier, and the opportunities to meet have become less and less. But as soon as we meet, we immediately return to being as intimate as before.
When we meet, the most common thing we talk about is the vacation. Working as a lawyer in Hong Kong, especially at an American law firm on Wall Street or a "magic circle" British law firm, earns a good salary a year, generally in the millions of Hong Kong dollars. Usually, I leave work at nine or ten o'clock in the evening, and it is normal to stay up two all-night in a row when the project is urgent, and overtime on weekends is commonplace. High wages, high pressure, spend money to buy happiness in order to reduce stress: Chanel bags, Valentino skirts, Lu Botin's red-soled high heels, Cartier bracelets, SPA massages at Oriental Mandarin or Grand Hyatt hotels, vacations in luxury hotels abroad... Money is there, what is lacking is their own time. Originally, graduating from law school in your twenties, neither work experience nor social experience, the company will give you millions, of course, the right to ask you to be a person of the company, requiring you to always take precedence over personal life in your life positioning. Young lawyers exchanged their youth for heavy pay. With money, the level of consumption is becoming more and more luxurious, so everyone is like a guinea pig running on a rotating wheel, and it will never stop on this road. How to arrange this cherished twenty-one days of annual leave, then, became a science.
Chloe's vacation arrangements always made me envious: visiting the ancient city of Morocco overnight in the Sahara Desert to see the stars, Papua New Guinea liveaboard diving, Fizi Island canoe tour around the island, Serengeti animal migration, Iceland's Northern Lights trip... James loves photography, and their travel photos are as professional as travel magazine covers. After I've had enough dinner and conversation with Chloe, I'll go shopping as I used to. In the past, our favorite was to buy the latest Reis super sexy lingerie at La Perla, and then we also went, and she wore all kinds of lingerie to imitate the model as a sexy gesture, we laughed for a while and then she bought a bag to take away, and I was not interested in trying it.
Every time I met, I reflected on my life, and I couldn't help but sigh to myself: I was already the mother of two babies, the head of a department in charge of the company, the daughter and daughter-in-law of two old people, and the wife of the man I loved who worked hard to realize his career dream. I am no longer a freewheeling, dashing and independent woman. My personal life is entirely centered on two children, supervising homework, arranging extracurricular tutors and countless hobbies and hobbies, and going to my friends' playmate parties or birthday parties on weekends. I changed my hairstyle, and my husband, who didn't love it every day before marriage, would turn a blind eye. Nowadays, I am exhausted after a day of work, and I often read to my children and sleep. Couples may have sex once a week, who do I buy sexy underwear to wear? My holidays are all at Disneyland or a kid-friendly resort in Southeast Asia. I don't know who advocates women's career life is not wrong, nor do I know when society began to expect women to be perfect strong women. Is putting a woman on such a high pedestal punishment for daring to walk out of the kitchen? Where did the perfect woman come from? It is clear that it is difficult to ride the tiger, and it is not difficult to avoid it in constant adjustment, balance and compromise; it is just a trade-off of putting the family first when the child needs the mother the most, and the career-oriented balance when the child is older and has more time.
Envy to envy, if I were to start over I would choose to have three children, two less! Having children has completed my life, and being a mother has taught me self-sacrifice, selfless dedication, gratitude to my parents, clear rewards and punishments, team spirit, public welfare heart, and too many ways to be a person. I always want to share what I like with my good friends, and every time I get together with Chloe, I will also persuade her to change her mind and not give up the opportunity to be a mother easily, and she patiently listens to me every time and then changes the topic. I don't remember why, I haven't contacted Chloe for a long time, but later I received a text message from her saying that she quit her job and planned to take a six-month break to go to a temple in India while meditating and climbing a mountain. Six months later, she extended her trip. I was so busy as usual that I forgot her return trip, until one day I suddenly received her call and finally returned to Hong Kong, missed me very much, and asked me to dinner.
Walking into the Japanese restaurant on the second floor of the Shangri-La Hotel, you can see Chloe sitting at the window looking out over the busy harbor in the distance. She wore a small black dress, a pair of hated sky-highs on a red background and black faces, and no jewelry except a pair of long diamond earrings. A long hair drifted down his right shoulder, covering half of his face. Maybe she hadn't seen her in a long time, and she looked a little different. After hugging and sitting down, we looked at each other. I said she shouldn't wear a black dress, people look thinner. She said that I was not suitable for heavy eyeliner at my age, which would make my eyes look tired. The two of us couldn't help but smile, what kind of friend is this? Pick each other up! After ordering, I hurriedly pulled out two of the doctor's business cards. Recently, a good friend who has been unsuccessful in her quest for a child finally became pregnant with her first child at the age of 40, and her strategy was to first see a famous Chinese medicine practitioner to recuperate her body, and then go to a Western medicine expert to do IVF. Chloe took the business card and looked at it carefully for a while, when suddenly two hands covered her face and cried out. I immediately regretted it, I was too abrupt, why didn't I open which pot to mention? Maybe her childhood circumstances made her not want children, maybe James's sperm was not active enough, maybe she had infertility in her womb... I immediately took her hand and said I'm sorry.
After a few minutes she calmed down, her eyes drooping, and slowly told me that she had no children because she and James had never had sex. Hearing this, I almost fell out of my chair! How is this possible?! She ignored my surprise, didn't even look up at me, clasped her hands together in a steaming teacup, and went on calmly: two people kissed and touched, but there was no traditional definition of sex. Every day when it was almost time to go to bed, James would find all kinds of excuses to push off or leave the bedroom, and not to have sex with her anyway. Over the years, she gradually lost her self-confidence, thinking that she was not feminine, thinking that her breasts were too small, thinking that her skin might be too rough and annoying, and even suspecting that her body had a peculiar smell... She had tried many times to talk to James, who had either joked lightly or in a silent cold way. Neither her crying nor her noise will get a positive response from him, only that he will "compensate" her in other ways. He bought several properties in her name; on her birthday or Valentine's Day, he would deliver a bouquet of the most expensive flowers to her office; on new year's day, he would always carefully select gifts for her; he would take care of her mother meticulously, and care for her two younger brothers like his own brothers. The two of them eat together, read books, chat, travel, are best friends and love and take care of each other like brothers and sisters, only sex is a forbidden area between them. I said he must have women out there, and Chloe said there shouldn't be after years of observation. I said, that's the guy out there, and Chloe said she wasn't sure about that. The low self-esteem formed over the years made her often insomnia and had to see a psychologist for a long time. I asked her why she didn't get divorced, and she said that she had always held the illusion that he would change, and she didn't have the courage to face a failed marriage, let alone explain it to her family...
She finally looked up into my eyes and said she was now in love with another man. While climbing in India, she fell in love with the guide who had accompanied her to the Himalayas for months, fifteen years younger than her, a Tibetan boy in her early twenties, Dorji. In the arms of this tall, sunny and enthusiastic young man, Chloe found for the first time the feeling of being a woman, the confidence of being a woman, and experienced the fanaticism and attachment of love. This is true, complete, true love, a woman's love for a man, for which she has decided to get out of marriage and move with Dorgi to Paris, where she will start a new life. She prepares to fulfill her dream of studying for a Master of Arts degree in French literature while offering Dorjee four years of college to help him find a job he loves. I asked if she would marry Dorjee? She said she wouldn't ask Fordji that, but she was looking forward to conceiving his child. She said that after all, the age difference is too much, and she is mentally prepared that one day she will grow old and Dorji is in her prime, and Dorji may fall in love with someone else. She said that even so, she did not regret it.
Chloe left Hong Kong and didn't contact me again. I had inquired about her in many ways, but then I thought that she was a very private and extremely strong person, and she left to say goodbye to her past life, including her relatives and friends. I should fulfill her.
December 2021 in Orange County, California