There is a saying that there is a story in every piece of firewood. Nowadays, in the countryside, the firewood has long been replaced by an iron gate, but behind the gate, the villagers living in this water and soil are still interpreting the human sorrows and joys full of sour, sweet and bitter, and the life is endless.
The neighbor Li Gaoxin's family, which is across the road from my hometown, is a family with a special story. Whenever I go back to my hometown, I always hear such a discussion, Gao Xin family, it is not easy, guarding a child with cerebral palsy, it has been almost 30 years The Gao Xin family is not simple, can recruit a man for a disabled girl, and there is a child, it is really broken heart Gao Xin family is really capable, the family is busy all day long, never idle...
This woman, known as the "Gaoxin family", is medium and solid, with a dignified and white face, walking with a wind on the soles of her feet, speaking coolly, and at a glance, she knows that she is an easy-going and cheerful woman. Once I saw her in her own big ginger field, a big shovel in her hand was stronger than a man," and I thought, no wonder the "Gaoxin family" is capable, this is the typical "woman when a man makes it" Ah.
However, after all these years of living next to each other, I have never dared to step into her house, just because her family has a daughter with severe cerebral palsy. I feared that my intrusion would disturb the sensitive and quiet sky of my family.
In the winter of 2021, I returned to my hometown. By chance, I approached the "Gaoxin family", took her hand and said: "You are not simple, your mother's love is touching, I want to write about you, if you are free at night, come to my house and sit down." ”
She nodded and said, "Well, sister, I'm free." ”
Women need to talk, and women who are suffering need to talk even more. So, on the night of December 16, 2021, I had a face-to-face conversation with this woman who was praised by the villagers.
"All these years, people have found me difficult, alas, I don't think I'll come over." She said, "I don't blame others, I complain about my own stupidity, how come I didn't know to go to the hospital at that time?" "At that time" was in 1991, when most of the children in the village were born in the town hospital, but she was in pain at home for a day and two nights before giving birth to a girl. At first, I didn't know that the child had fallen into a big problem, but I just thought that she was slower than other children and reacted slowly. When she was three or four years old, she would not stand or speak, and the results of the examination at the hospital made her thunderous: the child was severely deprived of oxygen to the brain due to dystocia, leaving her with cerebral palsy. By this time she had a second child. Some people say that the boss is not big anyway, take it out. She said that she raised herself and was reluctant to do so. When she was two years old, she gave birth to the third and was a boy.
The couple not only had to raise three children, pay off their debts, and wanted to buy another house. They think more than any other parent. During the day, she and her husband rushed to the market to set up stalls to sell clothes, and when they returned from the market, they went to the fields to work, and the ration field plus the contracted field planted a total of 6 acres of land. When I was young, I seemed to have endless energy, day and night, and I didn't know how to shout tired.
Over the years, the in-laws are getting older and older, and there are more and more things in the family, so she does not go to the market, cooks at home and watches the children add land. The husband still catches two sets a day, selling clothes and shoes worn by the elderly and children.
The second and third grades of normal further education and examinations have all studied after graduating from college, and now the second daughter has married and started a family, and the son has also joined the work. "I'm worried about the boss, I'm alive and I'm raising her, and when I'm old and dead, what can she do?" For so many years, the boss had to be fed by me. I haven't slept soundly. "How many times have I seen my daughter's dazed and helpless eyes, how many times I have seen my daughter guarding the rice bowl but not being able to eat it in her mouth, she has shed tears, sometimes crying loudly, sometimes shedding tears into her stomach. There is a kind of pain in the world, called heartache. The most painful thing is the mother's heart.
In addition to the heartache, she regretted it, regretted that she did not go to the hospital to give birth, and regretted that she had read too little. She said that she had studied well, when she was in the fifth grade, she had an illness, did not go to school for many days, left a lot of homework, returned to school and listened to the teacher's lectures, and her eyes were black, and she dropped out of school at home. "Hate yourself now, won't you, don't you go and ask the teacher?"
In order not to leave regret on her daughter, she asked questions when she had doubts in her heart.
At first, she went to the doctor, who told her that her daughter only had the IQ of a two- or three-year-old child when she grew up.
She went to ask the civil administration again, is it allowed to marry such a child? They told her that yes, the Marriage Act did not allow it.
She asked again, will the children born to children with cerebral palsy inherit? People say, no, her illness is acquired.
After working hard to raise her daughter to her twenties, she went around asking again, can you find someone for your daughter? I prepared a room for her, and I helped them live, as long as they could take care of her. Seeing that the people shook their heads, she went to ask the next one, and she didn't know how many. The daughter is as weak as a bean sprout, and she does not know how long she will live, but she must also make plans for her for the rest of her life.
One day, a big sister who was also setting up a stall in the market to do business said that she had a younger brother, not tall, not handsome, not smart enough, working outside for many years, almost 40 years old is still single, parents are dead, helpless, you can let your brother come to the door to marry.
The eldest sister's brother came to see it and nodded in agreement. This lonely man also hopes to have a home and food to eat, even if his wife will not hurt him, he also hopes that the desire for women in his heart will fall, and hopes that life can continue.
In this way, the daughter got married; in this way, the daughter became pregnant; in this way, the daughter gave birth to a girl, but the mother's mother could not breastfeed, did not love, and did not have the consciousness and ability to be a mother. Grandma had to become a mother again. The son-in-law was too wooden and honest, and she took him to work when the farmer was busy, and arranged for him to work when the farmer was idle, and he had to take care of him for food and clothing. Therefore, it was originally a daughter who was worried about her daughter, and now I am worried about my daughter's family of three, the burden on my body has become bigger, and the road in front of me has become more difficult.
But she said: "I hope that my little granddaughter will grow up soon, and one day I will be too old to crawl, and her mother will have someone to take care of." ”
Because the daughter has a husband and a mother, her brain seems to have awakened. Every evening, she would stand in front of the house and look into the distance, that is, waiting for her husband Xiaogao to come home, and she also gave Xiaogao a name and called him "Min" in a loud voice. Whenever she saw her daughter running around, she would call her "cat" in a loud voice, and there seemed to be some tenderness and serenity in her blank eyes.
Mother looked in her eyes, and her heart soaked in bitter water was finally comforted by wisps.
This is a woman who can worry about whiteheads overnight. But that night, in the bright light, I saw only a few strands of white in her thick black hair.
She has pessimism and despair, but she is still optimistic and her heart is full of gratitude.
She is grateful to her husband, who is not good at communicating, but he is industrious and frugal, and he is hard-working and resentful.
She was grateful to her in-laws, a pair of elderly people in their seventies, who went to pick up green onions every day to earn money without their support.
She is grateful to live in a good society, the daughter's family of three eat low insurance, 1250 yuan per month, in addition to a monthly disability allowance of 300 yuan, basically able to maintain their livelihood.
She was grateful to God for giving her a pair of healthy and sensible children, who were considerate of their disabled sisters and regarded their little nieces as treasures in the palm of their hands.
She is grateful to the villagers around her for taking care of her family, the village needs to volunteer to call her to go, she does not pick and choose, can earn dozens of yuan at a time, but also can subsidize the family.
She thanked God for giving her a granddaughter like a little angel, and holding her granddaughter's hand every day to walk in the square was the happiest and happiest moment of her day.
She was thankful that she had a good body that could not be crushed, and that people in their fifties could still be busy from dawn to dark.
But where is the tired body? She put her hand out to me and said, "I have arthritis, and I can't sleep because of the pain." "Let me look at her feet again, and the toes in her shoes can still be seen to have been severely deformed." Others say, you should do less, tired of getting sick to see who will suffer for you? I said, which day is the day of exhaustion, who let me suffer? ”
Then she smiled and said, "Last summer, the second elder took me to Qingdao for a walk, saw the sea, and visited the park, which can be regarded as an eye-opening." ”
It was the only time she had been out, the only time she had traveled, and she was so satisfied.
Life is difficult, she knows that she is satisfied. Life is hard, she smiles at everything.
Unconsciously, the night was deep. Worried about the need to accompany the little granddaughter to sleep, the "Gaoxin family" is anxious to go home. I took her to the door and patted her on the back, hoping she would feel my heartfelt admiration and encouragement. Looking at her figure, my mood was as solemn as the night, I sighed for her, moved by her, and felt deeply heavy for her still difficult future road.
The night in the countryside is clear and the moon is the most peaceful, but I lie in bed and think about it, and it is difficult to sleep. I don't forget that this night, I accompanied her to tears several times, and even choked up so much that I couldn't help myself. "I just don't want to", "I just don't feel at ease", "I just hurt her", she said it over and over again, every sentence is like a mountain pressing on her, what kind of burden and suffering is this, and what kind of helplessness and helplessness is it?
However, it is in response to the sentence: "The woman is gentle, and the mother is strong." "For 30 years, more than 10,000 days and nights, she supported her daughter and crawled like a snail with a negative shell. She said: "As long as my daughter lives, I will never be liberated." This is my life. "She confessed her fate and disobeyed it, and she was fighting with all her strength against it."
There is no obstacle that cannot be passed, a small obstacle is small, and a large obstacle is hard. The smile on her face was more than the tears in her eyes. She laughed when she talked about her daughter standing in front of the door waiting for her "people"; she laughed when she called her child "cat"; she laughed when she talked about her little granddaughter who was in first grade. For those who suffer from a great drought, even if a drop of rain falls from the sky, it is manna and joy.
Tagore said, Life kisses me with pain, and I return it with a song.
At that moment, I suddenly remembered the wax plum that grew in front of her house. This wax plum, planted in an unknown year, is short in shape, growing under a tall acacia tree, covered in the four seasons of traffic, but in the summer it is flourishing; near the winter solstice, the buds of the grains are dotted with branches; and in the cold winter, it will bloom the beauty and fragrance of a tree.
The woman I was facing was like a wax plum standing in the cold winter, and she exuded the touching fragrance of wax plum blossoms.
This fragrance comes from the radiance of instinctive motherhood in her;
This fragrance comes from the natural holiness of maternal love in her;
This fragrance comes from the powerful and long strength of her mother.
This woman, known as the "GaoXin family", named Xin Ailing, belongs to the "post-60s".
Her daughter's name is Li Xiaowei. This unfortunate disabled child, tall, with a cute melon face and beautiful eyebrows, if it were not for the difficult birth, she would have grown into a slim and beautiful girl.
I think that after many years, many people in the village will drift away, and many things will be hit by the wind and rain. However, this special family, this special mother and daughter, should still be remembered, because they lived so unfortunately and so optimistically, so hard and so strong!
What is Maternal Love? Mother's love is, you don't know how to love me, I still love you.
What is Maternal Love? Mother's love is never to give up, like the Wen River water not far behind our house, stretching endlessly, never ending, accompanying you to the earth and the sky, accompanying you to the end of the world.