Hello everyone, I am a small point, a little spiritual point.
Recently, Xiao Dian was watching a divine drama with this passage:
"A good marriage relationship, like a rubber band, is a community, but it is also elastic, and the lives of two people can have independent space and can be torn apart." 」
The 9.3-rated Japanese drama "Home on the Slope" presents a marriage relationship between men and women, just like many people: both sides control each other in the name of love, belittling and hitting.
Don't control each other in the name of love
I don't know if you've ever heard of such a thing:
"For the sake of your children, you can quit your job and take your children at home."
When the heroine Li Shazi proposed that she still wanted to work after marriage, her husband proposed, "I think my mother should be at home." I don't quite understand the meaning of sacrificing children when there is no need to work."
Home on the Ramp TV series
We always think that this is a man's love for himself, but we don't know that this is the beginning of a man's control over women.
The heroine of "Home on the Slope" is Sasiko, who studied at a very good university in Tokyo and performed very well in the workplace. Following her husband's advice, she resigned from her home to do laundry and cooking, and to pick up the housewife of her daughter who was in kindergarten.
The heroine Li Shazi, like most of us women, thinks that "love can be exchanged for everything". Therefore, in order to obtain this love, he has always held the principle of sacrificing himself, being tolerant and tolerant, and being gentle and considerate to pay for the family.
Therefore, she was considerate and helped her husband develop the habit of calling her to help her get a beer as soon as he arrived home, and Li Shazi did not hesitate to get up to help her husband get it.
The relatively harmonious picture of all this was shattered after she was selected as an alternate national juror to participate in the trial of the criminal case.
Coincidentally, the defendant in the case, who is also a stay-at-home mother, committed a heinous crime: drowning her 8-month-old daughter in a bathtub.
As the case goes on, Risha finds herself and the defendant's lives gradually overlapping:
It turns out that mothers, when the child is just born, are very concerned about whether breast milk is enough;
Will be because of how to coax children, are not sleeping at night, and anxious;
Will be anxious that their own children are slower than other people's children;
I will be anxious about why my family's height and weight are a little worse than the standard.
For mothers, from pregnancy to survival, to breastfeeding, weaning, and raising their children, it is difficult to pass the barrier.
However, their husbands, usually do not care about anything at home, come home from work to watch TV, play mobile phones........ When you are happy, you will play with the child for a while, and when the child cries, pees, and is hungry, he will throw it to his wife.
However, husbands are very good at hitting and belittling.
The defendant's husband came back drunk at night, heard the child's crying, and actually said to his wife: If my mother was here, it wouldn't be like this. Go with the child in your arms and don't disturb me to sleep.
What is even more excessive is to use the excuse of affecting his work to throw his wife and children at home and live in a hotel by himself.
Similarly, when Rishazi was selected as an alternate juror and became as busy as an office worker, her husband always said to her: Don't force it!
Don't get me wrong for relief and thoughtfulness. His subtext is: when the child and work can not be balanced, you have to give up work and take the baby at home, because you are a mother.
Or, mockingly saying: A substitute doesn't need to be so serious.
When Li Shazi was a jury member, she could not take care of the family and take care of the children, and let her and the other party say that she would not do it. Ask her to admit that she is not as good as others.
It is worth noting that Li Shazi's husband never thought of helping himself, or to care about what his wife was thinking.
There is a scene in the play like this:
One day, Li Shazi took her daughter home, and her daughter had to hold her, but Li Shazi had a lot of things in her hands and couldn't hold her, so the child sat on the ground and played with lai. Li Shazi had to deliberately say "the mother left first" and left the child in place, hiding in the corner not far away.
Who knows, this scene was seen by the husband who just happened to pass by after work. The husband loudly accused Li Shazi: You are a child abuse.
The husband did not listen to any explanation from Rishazi, but only because he wanted to use the topic to make Rishazi stop the jury work and return to the original well-behaved and obedient housewife.
Is this really a husband's love for his wife? When the wife needs the help of the other party, she will only blindly hit. Isn't this the husband controlling his wife to play the role of a good wife and nanny in the name of love?
The saddest thing is that until the heroine Li Shazi planned to divorce, she always felt that she had not done a good job.
Why do girls always blame themselves for their problems?
In life, we can always see women who live very hard, always hoping to make the relationship between husband and wife more harmonious through their own efforts.
Once life is not satisfactory, they will blame themselves for all their problems.
So, they ask, how can I control my emotions? How can I improve my sense of security? How can I make my husband love me more?
When they can't change themselves, and they can't change their marriage, they can only fall into deep pain and can't extricate themselves.
Why can't she see these controls?
Because they feel that the other person is expressing love to themselves.
Because their parents are also expressing love through control.
When Rishazi felt that she was not up to her mother's job, she decided to divorce. Li Shazi's mother rushed to the hotel at the first time to help her daughter get justice and compensation.
But Li Shazi said tearing his heart and lungs apart, saying: It's all my fault. If I don't get a divorce, I'm going to kill Wen Xiang.
(Rishazi's daughter) I almost killed Fumika twice. I really can't be a good mom.
Rishazi's mother, hearing her daughter say this, took it into her arms and said:
Heartache killed me. Stop pushing yourself, come home with me. I had long guessed that one day you would become what you are now.
You finally understand that despite my objections, making up your own mind will lead to the consequences of insomnia.
Even if you have a diploma in Tokyo, it is nothing remarkable. If you are obedient, you will not encounter these troubles.
Rishazi finally understood at that moment that what her mother wanted was to listen to her all the time, and if she did not obey, she should suffer these pains. She thought that her mother had hit herself and that she was not good enough. In fact, the mother is afraid of leaving her, so it is useless to make the child weak.
Similarly, Rishazi's husband, fearing that his wife would be out of his control as a jury, kept hitting her and making her feel useless.
The essence of control is to satisfy one's own sense of security, to hurt the people closest to you in the name of love.
What is good intimacy?
Gao Xiaosong once said such a passage in "Strange Story":
What are good feelings? It's about making us all better selves.
Whether it is a relationship, or a lifetime of hand in hand, two free souls love each other, that is the best love.
Variety show "Strange Story"
Papi Sauce and husband Lao Hu are typical examples, two people independent and interdependent.
When He Jiong asked Papi Sauce in the show, "You have a high income now, will Lao Hu be stressed?" ”
She said: "He makes more money and he raises you, he will not look down on you; he makes less money and you raise him, and he will not look down on himself." ”
Or as He Jiong said about the marriage relationship:
A good marriage relationship, like a rubber band, is a community, but there is also elasticity, and the lives of two people can have independent space and can be torn apart. But that intimate connection keeps coming.
Internet
May we learn to truly love someone, not to dominate and control, but to let the other person live out their true selves.
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Author: Left and right
Source: TV series "Home on the Slope", variety show "Strange Story", network
Debut: Yidianling0
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