Hello Teacher: I am 28 years old this year, I am 1.68 meters tall, slim, look refreshing and clean, not beautiful, not ugly.
He is 30 years old, 1.89 meters tall, and his appearance is also in the upper middle, probably because of his height, he is always quite eye-catching.
I work as a piano teacher in a private school and earn $6,000, sometimes a little more. He worked as an English teacher in a public university, earning about 8,000, and many people said that his job was very good and stable, like a career establishment. I don't know if the more someone else says this, the more he feels that he is in good condition. In fact, I have always wanted to get married, but he has always been very cold.
He's been with me for three years and his parents didn't agree with us at first, but he was determined. After half a year of hard work, his parents finally approved of us, and every time he took me to his house, I would also help with the housework, so his mother slowly liked me.
There is no outside reason that can stop us from being together now, I thought that the next step was to get married, and my mother hoped that I would get married soon.
We are now living together, and his parents have seen my mother, but his parents have listened to him, and may think that their son does not want to get married, so he will not force him, and I do not know how they communicate.
My mother is very anxious, I am a very responsible girl, I have not lived with any boys before falling in love with him, this time I lived with him because at that time he said that as long as both parents agree with us, we will get married after a while, and now I feel that I have been deceived, but our feelings are real.
We've been arguing about getting married for a month, and I said break up several times, and he agreed to break up, but a few days later he asked me to say goodbye. He said that if you don't get married, I have a soft heart, I feel that after all these years, it is a pity to break up, so I reconciled with him.
It made me feel as if I was pushing him. Teacher Zhongqing, I really don't know what to do now, can we both go on? How to solve this problem?
Hello, letter received:
First of all, we still need to make a conclusion about your wishes, if you are not ready to fight a protracted war, do not intend to spend a lot of time and energy on the cost of psychological construction,
Your mother's attitude is very anxious about getting married, but you have not stated your wishes, hoping that you will also be able to sort out your own thoughts. Is it because of your family's wishes to be anxious, or are you really anxious yourself?
Second, we need to understand what the core of the other person's behavior pattern represents.
When the other party faces the problem of marriage, he always answers that there is pressure, doubting whether he can afford a home, and questioning why you have to get married? The subtext of this statement is. At least for now he doesn't want to have a marriage, and he doesn't look forward to the future between you after getting married now.
He did not use marriage as a result to establish a relationship with you, and no one can say whether there will be any changes in the future. But at least for now it's safe to say that he only wants to be in love, not get married.
This problem makes many people wonder, in fact, there is no best, only they feel that it is inappropriate. For this question, the answer is also strange. It is said that flash marriage must be bad, but it may only be a high probability event, and there are also people who are very happy after flash marriage.
Some people say that they have been in love for at least two years, which is usually thought of. Because this period of time is enough to understand a person's basic personality, most of the blind dates basically know each other for a year or two before getting married. How life is like after marriage, only you know. There are good and bad.
Of course, there are also many love long-distance runs for 5, 8, and 10 years, and many babies are like this, directly from the school uniform to the wedding dress, but can it really be good? In fact, the answer is also uncertain, perhaps because they have been together for too long, know each other too well, and feel that there is no novelty.
So how long to fall in love and get married is best there is no accurate answer, only you know, you feel that this relationship makes you want to enter the marriage, that time point is the best time, after all, the shoes do not fit, only you know ah.
Finally, you have to think about cohabitation. I have said that cohabitation must be very cautious, and it is best to go to cohabitation if both parties have the intention to marry. It can even be said that it is good for you to live together after you are engaged. By adopting cohabitation as a way to enhance feelings before there is no plan to marry, especially before the man has expressed any ideas about marriage, women become passive.
In your case, why can the other party say why they have to get married? It is because of your cohabitation life that he has been able to get all the benefits that he can get in marriage. But in terms of obligations and responsibilities, it can be said that there is almost none. So why would he get married to find himself a bunch of responsibilities and obligations that he didn't have to take on in the first place? After all, love and marriage, from the perspective of responsibility, there is a very big essential difference.
With the above analysis, you should understand. If you are in a hurry to get married in the near future, this wish may be difficult to achieve. Of course, this is not impossible to solve, you can still force the other party to marry you by fighting a backwater, that is, the breakup mentioned in your letter. But this method has great drawbacks, because it is forced. So as long as you have unsatisfactory after marriage, he will be attributed to you, are you sure you can really bear it?
If the other party is not forced to succeed, then it is recommended that you should not be persuaded to turn back by the other party. Because you've seen what the other person does after reconciling with you.
All in all, if there is no way to reach a common will with the other person in the relationship, then the advice is still to separate, so that you have more opportunities to find someone who is more suitable for you.
I wish you happiness, girl!