The CCTV documentary "Mirror" premiered, a documentary that made troubled teenagers say their hearts: parents need to be reformed.
It's a story about the heart coming home.
The documentary has only three episodes, a total of 90 minutes, and the CCTV Social and Law Channel spent 10 years planning and two years filming. The content is simple: three families are in trouble because their children have dropped out of school, and the parents have no choice but to send their children to a special school for "reform", but unexpectedly let themselves receive a soul-touching enlightenment education.
Why is it that the love of parents for their children is sometimes full of harm? Behind the "problem child" there is often a problem family education model.
Taking the intergenerational emotional problem as the starting point, the film presents a sociological sample of three families through objective and calm true records, and re-examines the emotional problems such as parent-child relationship and intimate relationship faced by Chinese families in today's era from the new perspective of the lack of emotional education. The child is a mirror of the family, and the family is a mirror of society. On the basis of fully presenting the complexity of social ecology, the documentary provides the audience with sufficient space for thinking and lets the soul go home! Let love no longer become hurt.
Children are the mirror of the family
Every child has their own "problems", some drop out of school, some early love, some internet addicts, but one thing in common is that there are problems in the family education model.
When a child exhibits disoriented behaviors, such as not wanting to learn, being emotionally unstable, and having conflicting emotions, he is likely to reflect an imbalance or ambiguity in the relationship between the parents.
When a child is distracted, dependent, and prone to making bad friends, he often reflects the double standards of parents, the split relationship between husband and wife, and the lack of belonging at home.
When the mother's position is absent, the child is prone to emptiness, depression, anxiety, indecision, and is more prone to interpersonal problems, difficult to express themselves, and difficult to connect with others.
When the father's position is absent, the son is prone to addictive behaviors, such as addiction to video games, smoking, drinking, and drug use; the daughter is prone to precocious puberty, binge eating or anorexia, interest in adult men, and expecting protection.
When one or both parents want to leave home or die, the child will subconsciously receive this message and reflect it in the form of running away, serious illness, accident danger, etc., and the serious one will even die, because their little minds fantasize: "I will go in your place so that you can stay" or "I will follow you so that we will never be separated."
To change the child, the parents have to change themselves
A mom talked to me about her little daughter. The little girl has gone to elementary school, and usually listens to the teacher and classmates react that the child is very smart, and everyone still likes her. But on a recent spring trip, the mother found that her children always "taught" their classmates a lesson, and they were a bit mean, especially showing contempt for the students in the class who were worse than her grades.
During the spring tour, the teacher praised a classmate: "So-and-so performed well today, has been helping classmates, and also helped parents to get things." ”
The daughter said, "What! I will too, what praise! "The child showed anger and denied what his classmates had done, not admitting that he hadn't done it.
The daughter's performance made the mother very worried.
Because I know my mother better, I said: "To know why the child is like this, look at your usual words and deeds, are you usually strict with your child?" Did your hysteria about your husband create tension in the family atmosphere? ”
The mother sighed and said that recently due to the learning problems of the eldest daughter and her own work, she was a little bad-tempered, and she was indeed harsh on the younger daughter, and often reprimanded her husband.
Whether this is what we usually call "imitation learning" or the corresponding "mirror effect" of psychology, children's words and deeds can often reflect the words and deeds of their parents. This mother has woken up and changed her own harshness and love to teach others, and has also communicated with her children, often chatting with her children about school and learning, and gradually her little daughter has changed.
Parents are the first and lifelong teachers of their children. The change of parents has also made the child change, and education has produced an effect invisibly.
Appreciate the innocence within your child.
As parents, we do not have to know more than children in all aspects, nor do we always have to be correct, in fact, we need to learn humility, for life, for life, for children, we can be a learner, in the growth of self to drive the development of children. Be friends with your children, respect your children's understanding of things and the world, and think, imagine and express.
Believe in the potential of children to grow.
There is no need to worry too much about the future of the child, and we should not deprive and intervene in the child's independent choice. We can discuss problems with children, value and encourage children's independent judgment and choice, push them when they are powerless, give encouragement when they fall, believe in their own growth potential, and give them enough space and freedom to create and realize their own value.
Feel the meaning of life.
We should strive to explore and pursue our own ideals, and live out the meaning and existence value of life and self. Parents are children's learning and growth role models, only if we do ourselves well, children will naturally benefit. In fact, many parents are not too little but too much in the child, the child's young mind bears too much expectation, too much demand, too much worry and too much fear, this heavy "love" overwhelms them, in fact, this is the lack of self-worth of parents.
Zhizihua provides you with one-on-one mental counseling, helps you improve yourself, solves marital relationships, provides support and counseling for your confusion, anxiety, anger and other emotions, improves family model, and alleviates educational pressure. Allowing you and your child to have a good parent-child relationship and a loving connection nourish each other's lives.
The process of life is the process of children's education, and we are demonstrating to children the qualities and words and deeds we want to see in them with our own performance at any time and anywhere. If the parents are the originals, then the children are the copies, and parents and friends can only achieve the true happiness of their children if they live their own wonderful.
Zhang Xinran, a national second-level psychological counselor, graduated from applied psychology, interned in a psychological hospital, and has rich experience in psychological counseling and education and group counseling during her time in school. He is good at counseling and counseling on mental health issues such as adolescent growth and parent-child communication.