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Zhou Guoping once said: It would be naïve to think that passion alone can cope with daily common life full of trivial content year after year. Love is only a matter of feelings, but marriage is the result of the cooperation of feelings, reason, and will.
In the past, I used to think that marriage is just two people together, and you can just rush forward. So, for the first four years of my marriage, my husband and I worked very hard, stayed up late, traveled on business, made money, and couldn't even take care of the kids. We enjoyed the joy of hard work together, watching life become better little by little, although it was still ordinary, we also felt happy.
However, I think wrong, sometimes, the ordinary is already a gift of life, because many people do not even have the ordinary. Last year, my husband was found to be ill, a relatively serious disease that took more than a year to treat. Life suddenly became gray, as if it had been covered with a layer of fog, and it was impossible to see the road ahead.
The fast-paced work is interrupted, the plan to go back to the hometown once a week to see the children is broken, every night to sleep together has become a luxury, most of the time is spent in the hospital, but also face a series of things that change the condition, if not strong and willful, it is easy to collapse.
Fortunately, we are all persevering, trying to do everything we can do in the moment, and believing that everything will be fine. It is precisely because of this sudden misfortune that I have a deeper understanding of marriage. The so-called marriage is not explained by the word "love", and it is absolutely impossible to resist the tribulations of the years by passion alone.
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Recently, I watched an American movie "One Breath and One Inhale", which tells the story of the husband's illness and the wife's life together, and I cried several times in the process of watching it, probably because I thought of my own life, and after watching it, I also had a deeper feeling about marriage.
The film is based on real people and real events, Robin and Diana met at a party, handsome men and women, very well matched, the woman's family is superior, but Diana insisted on marrying Robin, and later they got married as they wished.
It was supposed to be a beautiful marriage, who expected God to joke with them, during Diana's pregnancy, Robin unfortunately suffered from polio, paralyzed, could only lie in bed, even breathing with the help of a ventilator.
Faced with the fate of doom, Robin despaired of life, and after he regained his speaking function, the first words he said to the doctor were: "Let me die." Diana visited him in the hospital every day, but Robin was indifferent, not even looking at the newborn child.
Diana and Robin had an in-depth exchange, Robin said the despair in his heart, but Diana told him: I hope you can live, I want you to witness jonathan (the child of the two) growing up, maybe I can make your life more meaningful.
That's when Robin decided to live, and he spoke out his real desire: to take me out of the hospital.
It was a crazy decision, and when the patient in the next bed learned of Robin's thoughts, he laughed at him: "You won't live to see the sun of tomorrow." But that didn't affect their escape plans, and Diana followed the nurse to learn how to change the tubes of breathing, and took advantage of the night, under the cover of well-meaning doctors and nurses, to escape from the hospital, a hellish place in Robin's eyes.
After being discharged from the hospital, Robin saw the blue sky and white clouds again and began a new life. Although the doctor said he only had a few months to live and that he faced the threat of death every day, no matter what, it didn't stop the couple from living happily ever after.
Even happier than many ordinary couples, their beds next to each other, Diana accompanied and cared for Robin 24 hours a day. And their friend, Professor Teddy of Oxford University, designed a wheelchair that could carry a ventilator. Robin can now go out in this wheelchair and feel nature.
They fell in love, accompanied each other, and on a sunny afternoon, they played and laughed on the grass, the years were quiet, and Jonathan grew up day by day.
Of course, life will not be as we wish, the beauty is the surface, and the back is still full of sorrow. One day, Jonathan, who was only four or five years old, flipped through the photo album of his parents at the beginning of their marriage, saw that they traveled to many places, and went to Africa to see elephants, and called "so cool." Jonathan pleaded: Dad, take me to Africa to see elephants, please.
The son's wish is very naïve, but it is very cruel, and such a sentence makes the husband and wife burst into tears in an instant and say "I'm sorry" to each other. Yes, the days of the past are never going back.
But what, as long as you live, you have the right to enjoy happiness. Once again, they decided to take the risk and help the children realize their dream of seeing elephants. Mom drives, Dad sits, son goes by, they travel to Africa together, it's unimaginable, but they really do.
Seeing this, I once again shed tears, in fact, the good life is very simple, that is, to have the company of the family, to do the things you like together, to see the outside world, to feel the surprise and beauty.
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Although life will always encounter misfortune, as long as you are brave enough, you can blossom even in bad luck. Robin and Diana also went to Spain, they flew, experienced the bumps of the plane taking off, it was a kind of longing and anticipation to face the unknown world, although there was a little fear, but as long as you were worth it.
Since it is a risk, there must be danger. As they were driving in Spain, the ventilator's wiring was short-circuited, the car was instantly filled with smoke, Robin was once again in danger of suffocation, and Diana urgently changed her manual ventilator to get through it.
The car was broken, the ventilator was broken, and only by manual ventilator and constant pinching could Robin keep alive. While waiting for rescue, they had to camp in the wilderness, they drank whiskey, ate delicious food, and it was so beautiful.
Moreover, they also made new friends on the road, and the new friends proposed that "because of this bitter friend, we got together and we decided to have a wild party!" ”
Robin and Diana were very happy, and Robin said, "I'm still alive, everything is fine, respect life!" "Yes, as long as you live, you are lucky." What a tenacious vitality, how dare God take his life.
They are brave enough, of course, such a broken life, can not be carried on by strength, but also require mutual trust and loyalty.
At a party, a male friend complained to Diana that she was lonely after the divorce. In the evening, when Diana finished washing and getting ready to go to sleep, Robin expressed his jealousy, he said: "I guess this friend wants to let you go at night and help him get rid of his loneliness", and even took the initiative to say: "Sometimes I do worry that you are not physically satisfied." Honey, you can go if you want. ”
Diana just smiled, offered to kiss Robin, and said, "But I don't want to go, we can do it." ”
I don't think it's too much to describe the love between them as great. They have done everything that ordinary people can hardly imagine, and Robin was originally told by the doctor that he only had a few months to live, but he had to live for 20 years.
Because the film is based on real-world cases, he is still the longest-lived person in the world for polio, and is considered by the medical community to be the greatest miracle.
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Robin and Diana's relationship, how to praise can not be exaggerated, they witness what is the real marriage, in the end is only four words - do not abandon. No matter what difficulties you face, whether you are healthy or paralyzed, I will not abandon you and stay with you for the rest of my life. I think, the so-called marriage, but so.
But life has an end, not to mention that this is a patient who lives on a ventilator. After 20 years of life, his body became weaker and weaker, and in an accident, the blood flowed continuously, and Diana called for help from her adult son to solve the sudden bleeding.
The doctor said: It is the lungs that are inflamed, because of the perennial use of ventilators, resulting in a fragile body, as long as there is a slight rub will bleed, and it will become more and more serious, and it is even likely to drown in a pool of their own blood.
At that moment, they fell into despair again, and Jonathan hugged his mother like a man, expressing his inner sorrow and giving her dependence.
Robin has always had his own ideas, 20 years ago, in order to make a promise to his wife, in order to witness the growth of his son, he chose to leave the hospital and live with dignity. At this moment, he decided to leave this world with dignity.
When Diana learned of Robin's idea, she broke down and yelled at him, "Have you considered me?" What have I been all these years? ”
Yes, they have been together for 20 years, and Robin decided to take the initiative to die, who can accept this? However, the reality is so cruel, living, it means bleeding again and again, rescue after rescue, exhaustion again and again, increasing the fear and confusion of death again and again.
When Robin was bleeding again, Diana helped him change the breathing tube, wiped the blood off his body, changed out of his blood-stained clothes, and Robin said: You should let go.
At that moment, both of them were very calm, the matter was over, what if they didn't let go? At that moment, I once again felt in my heart that for the hardships of life, we can do our best to let ourselves live, live the way we want, and live a better and more meaningful life.
But there is a more cruel side to life, that is, no matter how hard we try, there is nothing we can do, everything is useless, because life has an end, and everyone is like this.
At that moment, I began to understand that if it really came to this time, all I could do was accept, accept everything, accept the arrangement of fate, and accept the departure of my lover. Fortunately, we have loved in this life, loved deeply, accompanied by day and night, walked hand in hand, and have good memories, which is enough.
Do your best and obey your destiny. I suddenly began to understand this sentence, there is a desolation behind this, but also a bravery. Born to be human, brave when it is brave, let go when it is time to let go, but that's it.
At the end of the writing, I was a little sad, sad about the impermanence of life, the rush of years, the cruelty of reality, but because of this, I cherished the happiness of the moment. The so-called happiness, in fact, there is no standard definition, and at this moment, my inner definition of happiness is: people who love each other accompany each other, experience the trivialities of life together, have a longing, and go on together.