Prose | Li Zhanghong: Father in the Snow and Wind

Father in the snowstorm

Text/Li Zhanghong

(Web Photo)

Father is gone! Father left us forever, left this world forever!

When I heard this news, I was hospitalized due to illness, and endless grief and self-blame immediately filled my chest, and I felt extremely ashamed of my father.

When my father was seriously ill, I couldn't do filial piety in front of the bed because of illness, I couldn't go to see the last side of his old man's home before my father died, and I couldn't even send him on the last journey after my father died.

On the day of my father's funeral, it snowed heavily. The wind swirled and the snow was messy, like the grief I had accumulated in my chest that I could not let go. The wind was screaming, the snow was dancing wildly, and the pain that had soaked into the heart was desperately drilling into the heart. I felt as if my heart was being cut by a blunt knife, and grief overflowed from the wounds, pouring out the sorrows of the ground...

My heart is always aching, tears are always unbearable, tears are hazy, I seem to see my father coming to me in the snow and wind...

The father in my memory loves us so much. When we were young, our family was poor, and occasionally there was something delicious, and my father always left it for us to eat. Later, when we grew up, we could earn money, and our lives slowly improved, and every time we went back to buy good food for my father, he was still reluctant to eat, or as always, he kept it, and when we went back, we took it out for us to eat. We persuaded my father again and again: "Now that the living conditions are better, you should not be reluctant to eat, you don't have to eat, you don't have to keep it for us like when you were a child, we all have it, these are our filial piety to you..." Father promised on his lips, still reluctant to eat, still left for us, kept to keep, some things are even bad, let go of the period ... In the past two years, my father's cerebellum has been mildly atrophied, especially fond of forgetting things, and sometimes memory confusion occurs. I remember when my father lived here, whenever he saw me drying the dates and peanuts on the balcony, he always had to grab a few and put them in his pocket, and when I came home from work, my father immediately took it out of his pocket as soon as he saw me, and held it in front of me like a baby and said: "This is what I picked up from outside, it's not bad at all, it's all good, keep it for you, you eat it..." I know that my father's memory is a little confused, but I also know that even if my father's memory is confused, even if my father forgets everything, The only thing he would not forget was to leave the delicious food for his children to eat, because it had become his habit, a habit he would never forget for the rest of his life. I quickly took it with both hands and deliberately pretended to be particularly happy to eat it, and when my father saw that I was eating happily, his wrinkled face showed a very happy smile. My father smiled like a child, and I turned around and cried like a child...

The father in my memory suffered so much and suffered so much sin. His father became an orphan when he was young and lived with his brother and sister-in-law. My father experienced three years of natural disasters without food. Later, my father worked as a temporary worker in a paper mill, during the New Year, others wanted to rest more, my father in order to earn more money, but also with young lisheng, engaged in a "wheel war", went to the day shift to the night shift, went to his own class for other people's class, a few days later, the father fainted in the workshop, almost died.

After the father became a family, because there were many children in the family, all the dirty work fell on the shoulders of the father alone. Other people's families have a lot of hard work, my family opens its mouth to eat a lot, and during the busy season of farming, in order not to fall behind people, my father always goes to the ground before dawn, and in the evening, when others finish work, he has to work for a while. Father came out early and returned to the ground late, and it seemed that there was no end to the strength.

Later, my father's waist was tired and injured, and he was so ached that he couldn't sleep all night on the bed, but he always had to bear to spend money to see a doctor, and the next day he had to struggle to work in the field. Young and ignorant, we can't understand our father's pain, don't know how to care or comfort, and none of us can even take the initiative to beat his waist and rub it. At that time, we who always thought that we were obedient and sensible, now that we think about it, how ignorant we are! After years of poverty, fatigue and pain, finally bent the waist of his father, who was like a cow bearing weight, bent deeply, into a full bow, bent into a strong bridge, carrying our family towards a better life.

I remember my father being so tolerant of people. There is a single stick Chen in the same team, who is delicious and lazy and can't even mix with a daughter-in-law, but he sees that his father is kind and deceitful, and he always loves to make his father happy. That tricky question, that mocking look, that mocking tone, that defiant attitude made the young me clench my fists and grit my teeth and look at it angrily, but my father always smiled thickly. The old Su Tou in the same courtyard, shrewd and clever, calculated all day to take advantage of his father. Borrowed farm tools, the family never took the initiative to return, and when I thought about it for a long time, I had already made a mark for him to become his family. When ploughing the field, he ploughed more than half of the field ridge again and again, making his family's field wider and wider. The tree that his father planted in front of the house and behind the house was often secretly cut down by him to use it. At that time, when the family was not rich, there were many fights between neighbors over a tithe branch, but my father never argued with others, and always did not care with an open-minded attitude of "suffering loss is a blessing". The father, who did not know a single word, actually lived out a great wisdom of "being in the mud and watching the mountains and flowers blooming from afar".

My father never fought with people, but he was also very strong in his bones. His father's life has experienced all kinds of winds and frosts, rain and snow, but he is industrious and simple, kind and generous, no matter how unbearable life is for him, he can bear the humiliation and burden, never bow to the fate of suffering, and rely on his own strength and the beautiful quality of hard-working to support a family. When my father was a child, he did not have the opportunity to read, he said that he was "blind", so he would rather suffer no matter how great the suffering and the greatest sin, and insisted that all six of our sisters and brothers read and read. I remember once I had to pay tuition, my father cobbled together to sell the east and sell the west, and in the end it was not enough, he had to give up his face to go to the neighbor's house to borrow. When the neighbor's aunt lent him money, she took the opportunity to "kindly" advise: "They have all gone to junior high school, and what else to go to, the girl can just recognize a few words." Like my family's chick, I came down before I graduated from primary school, and I saved money for the family, and I can help with the work, how good..." The father was silent for a while, and said in a firm tone: "As long as the child is willing to go up, smash the pot and sell iron, I will also provide..." My father has never said a bold word in his life, but those few words sound to me like a heavenly voice, and they are so sonorous and powerful, and they are so loud.

Every time I took the tuition from my father, my heart was always filled with deep guilt and guilt. I felt like a ruthless debt collector, a cruel capitalist, and my parents' hard-earned hard-earned money was exploited by me before they could get hot. I once secretly swore in my heart: I must study hard, and when I grow up and have a career, I must repay my parents well...

Time passes, the years are hurried, and when we grow up, we are urged by time to hurry, busy all day, only care about our own lives, with all kinds of excuses, a little bit of leaving the past, leaving the father, going a long way. My old and lonely father, who was sick or always used to being alone, never wanted to cause trouble for his children, and never asked his children for anything. No matter which child it was, no matter how long he was busy and didn't come home to visit him, no matter how long he didn't call him, he never complained, he always said, "You just have to be busy with you", but I know how much the lonely father hopes in his heart that his children can always go home to see him, and how much they look forward to their children, even when they are too busy to go home, they can remember to call him often!

Qú (qú) Lauenshen's father, you have paid a lifetime of hard work and sweat for us, and what we repay you is so small and insignificant compared to what you have paid for us. Father, your first life of kindness daughter has not been returned, I owe you a "sorry", please forgive your daughter's filial piety, in this life can be born for your daughter, is my greatest happiness!

The wind slammed into the window glass with a "whistle" of snow, dragging my thoughts back. The snow outside the window is still flying in the sky, just like the past of life, flying over the mountains and rivers, flying through the vicissitudes of the world, looking for their direction. I looked up at the sky and saw my father smiling at me in the snowstorm...

May father be well in heaven.

【Author's Profile】Li Zhanghong likes to read, likes to write, and likes to use words to express her heart. Some works have been scattered in Liaocheng Daily, Liaocheng Evening News, etc.