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Someone did an experiment in which, in a large reading room that had just opened, when there was only one reader in it, the psychologist went in and sat down next to the reader to test their reactions.
Because the subject didn't know it was an experiment, most of them quickly and silently walked away, walked to sit down somewhere else, and some people said very simply and clearly, "What do you want to do?" ”
The experiment tested a total of 80 people, and the results were the same: in an empty reading room with only two readers, no one of the subjects could tolerate a stranger sitting next to him.
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What can we learn from the above story?
1, adult social, have psychological boundaries.
Psychological boundaries refer to abstract boundaries created by individuals.
Through this boundary, we can know what is reasonable, safe, and permissible behavior, and how to respond when others cross the line.
Once a stranger crosses the line, crosses the safe psychological distance between strangers, we react. For example, stay away and keep the other person outside your own psychological boundaries; for example, defensively, questioning the other person what his intentions are.
It's like two hedgehogs that keep each other warm, too close together, and their respective thorns will stab each other bloodied.
Only by adjusting the posture and pulling away from each other at an appropriate distance, not only can they keep each other warm, but also protect each other well.
As Arthur Schopenhauer said, "Man is like a hedgehog in the cold winter, who is too close to each other and feels stinging; too far away from each other, but he feels cold; man must live at a proper distance." ”
2. Build your own psychological boundaries.
Psychological boundaries are a circle we draw around ourselves. Inside the circle is the inner world, and outside the circle is the outer world.
Usually, the inner world inside the circle is within our own control; the outer world outside the circle is not subject to our will.
For example, a person who is relatively fat is always ridiculed by others. Weight and attitude toward ridicule can be gradually controlled, but the behavior of others' ridicule is often uncontrollable.
If you don't like being ridiculed, you can choose to lose weight, or you can choose to leave the ridiculed person. Regardless of the solution, the key point is to know what can be controlled and what cannot be controlled, to give up the part that cannot be controlled, and to focus on the part that can be controlled.
To do this, we need to have a clear, healthy psychological boundary.
In this way, no matter what problem you face, there is a solution. Because giving up is also the solution, as long as we know clearly that all the parts that can be controlled, we have worked hard to achieve.
It is necessary to clearly set the psychological boundary, distinguish what is controllable and what is uncontrollable, so that they can be appropriately placed inside and outside the psychological boundary.