Prose: Beloved wife, I will always miss you

Prose: Beloved wife, I will always miss you

Text: Ryumi Rock

My wife, 1 meter 5 figure, said beautiful, compared to the toothed moth eyebrow girl, it is not beautiful, but in my mind she is beautiful. Isn't there a saying that goes like this, "The lover's eyes are out of the west." In his early fifties, he was only over half a hundred in his lifetime, which was a good time in life, but he was deprived of the right to survive by a ruthless disease and died. When I snapped my fingers and counted, my wife had been gone for 7 years! Seven years, although it is very short, but in my opinion it is very long, very long.

When I was quiet in the middle of the night, I went to the window sill, looked at the dim street lamp, and slowly recalled the bits and pieces of my wife's walk with me, and a knife-like pain gushed out of my heart. Look at the vast corners of this home, there are many inseparable feelings you have left behind, and your kindness is full of my life journey. Home is still this home, objects are still those objects, every object in the home, has left your hard handprint. The love nest that you and I have built together, the family that you and I have worked hard to build, although simple, is very warm. After several relocations, the home that has just entered the house, you cherish it very much, when you have time, you will clean it up, the utensils are also neatly arranged, you don't let it dirty at all, and when you have slag, you quickly sweep it, and then quickly use a mop to mop it. Today, it seems that everything is human.

O wife! In order to save your life, I have tried my best, the county, the state capital, the provincial capital of the major hospitals have gone through, and even sent your cerebrospinal fluid and blood samples to the Beijing National Center for Disease Control and Prevention for testing, you got the disease, the feedback back is Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, this disease is unheard of, never seen. If you say that you left us with a cruel heart and went away alone, this is impossible to say, can only say that you are helpless, did not blame you, is that I do not have the ability to protect you and take good care of you. In the past seven years, the thing I was most afraid of was to go home, when I came home from outside and pushed open the door, I saw that the home was empty and cold, and I was extremely sad, and my heart was so sad that I was tearful. How many times have I walked into the kitchen, I wanted to see you turn your back from the kitchen, thinking that it was you who was preparing simple and delicious dishes for the three of us; walking into the dining room, I always hoped to see that there were hot meals and hot dishes on the table waiting for me; when I walked into the living room, I really hoped to see you lying alone on the sofa watching TV seriously, my phantom illusions, countless times in the surface; into the bedroom, I repeatedly turned on the lights and turned off the lights over and over again to see if you were resting on the bed. No, no, you're gone! You've gone too far and too far! Too far away to see or touch?

Whenever I have a social gathering in the unit, you are very worried about my body, always a thousand instructions, drink less wine, say that drinking more is not good for the body; when I am ready to go out on a business trip, you also do not forget to tell me to dress well, pay attention to physical safety. Now going out is a person, coming back is still a person, who can care about me, discipline me, no! I must remember these words of yours in life and death, and I only have to take good care of myself in the second half of my life. In the past, I always hated your love of nagging, but now no one is nagging but I am not used to it.

At the end of your life, looking at the way you are out of breath, let all of us call for your name, how can you not agree. In the past, our living conditions were harsh, didn't we survive, but now our living conditions have just improved, and we are slowly starting to happiness, but how do you say you will leave, and all the extravagances and long-cherished wishes will come to an abrupt end.

In our village, everyone recognized you as a good wife who was diligent and thrifty, and you were a very hard-working, kind, and virtuous mother. You have not coveted vanity and luxury all your life, you have been frugal and frugal, and for many years, you have not bought yourself a high-end dress or luxury hand jewelry. Watching others wear gold and silver, you never have hot eyes. I am not capable of bringing you rich material pleasures, but you are satisfied with everything in reality. Thirty-three years of married life, we have gone through ups and downs together, we have tasted sour, sweet and bitter together, and we have also felt the safety and security of the world. I know that you love this home so much that you want to carve it deeply into your own mind. Home is your sheltered harbor, a warm nest, where you have condensed your lifelong love and all your hard work. In the 33 years of marriage, you have made great contributions to this family, you have paid a lot of hardships and sweat for this family; you have exhausted your efforts and energy for this family; you have sacrificed your entire life for this family. You are very generous to your relatives and friends, but you are very stingy with yourself. Life is always simple, you can make it up, you feel good about yourself, and you never compare. Usually, good meals are eaten by family members first, good dishes are always not moved chopsticks first, and your life is thinking about the family, only suffering yourself. Usually I advise you to buy a few beautiful clothes to wear, always say that there is still a head at home, those can still be worn, do not have to buy again. There are also shoes, all worn leaky and still wearing, I advise you to buy a new pair, you said that you can barely wear. Our economic conditions are not as good as the top, nor are we so bad, so why should we treat ourselves so badly, so how can people not be heartbroken and tearful! Since we began to get sick, we have been looking for medical treatment everywhere, we have been hospitalized, and we have checked the whole body in hospitals large and small, how can we not find some diseases, so that the disease will torment you to death and live, and I will be helpless to watch you bear the pain alone; how can I be so incompetent.

What impresses me most is that you are in pain several times and want to look for short-sightedness, but I have been persuaded by my kind words, giving you enough courage, encouraging you to be strong to overcome the disease, encouraging you to build up confidence in life, and there is a good life waiting for us in the future. In the extreme pain, you also said that if you are willing to break your legs and feet, slowly heal naturally and get better, the worst is only amputation, and the ugly still leaves a life to live to see the world. And the repeated examinations have no results, taking medicine and injections are not effective, maybe you are disappointed too much. It's not that the family doesn't enter the door, we all don't give up on you, you also fight against death strongly, we all work hard, but in the end we still can't hold your hand, we can only watch the ruthless disease take your life from our hands.

Since you left, we have all lost you forever, two uncles and aunt Man, they no longer have you as a big sister with maternal love; Daddy does not have your clever and filial daughter; your sisters and concubines do not have you as a good sister, and our pair of children do not have you as a kind mother. I have since lost you, a good wife who is kind, tolerant, and understanding.

I can't believe this is the truth of your sudden departure during that anxious and difficult time, and I still hope that you will come back in the afternoon in the morning, that you may come back in the evening in the afternoon, that I will not see you at night, and that I will see you in the next morning. Sometimes I think, you are still alive, maybe you went back to longtang hometown; sometimes I think, maybe still lying quietly in the hospital, waiting for the doctor to come and give you an infusion; sometimes I think so, maybe the restaurant where you work is too busy to get off work; the sky is gradually getting darker, the night is gradually deepening, looking forward to the evening, looking forward to the next day at dawn, day and night, looking forward to the dream of seeing you is finally shattered, the only hope is endless thoughts.

How many nights, when I was lonely and lonely, I had a lot of thoughts and my mood could not be calm for a long time. A person got up and opened the photo album repeatedly, looked at your picture over and over again, as if you were also staring at me, and found that you seemed to be talking to me, and your voice and smile were still so beautiful, it really made me feel unwilling. I look back on the past, and look forward to the future, and in the future, there will be no more of you to rely on, and I will not be with you, so that I can live like a year.

After you leave, maybe the pain is gone, which is also a relief for you. When you leave, our children are not yet married, you don't want to see what your future daughter-in-law looks like, and if you have a grandson in the future, you will also want to hug them! In the future, when they grow up, they will also ask who their grandmother is, and when people ask this question in the future, how should I answer them.

My children and I think so, if you leave like a person who goes out to work outside the home, and then comes back in a few months or a year and a half, it would be great. The heavens don't have eyes, but they want to bring bad luck to you. Long life road, you are only halfway through, you are too young, you are too sudden.

We have also designed a blueprint for happiness in our lives, but when we are trying to create a good life and look forward to the future, I suddenly lost everything again, which is the first time I have experienced the pain of tearing my soul, and my heart is still not at peace. I have been wondering what demons and ghosts are so cruel and torturing you so badly that they do not allow you the right to live; do not let you have the opportunity to be with your family; do not let you enjoy the happy life you want to get all your life. Without this life, I don't know if you will be reborn as an adult or into what kind of life you will be in. Even as an adult, I don't know which home you reincarnated into, Zhang San or Li Si. Your life's industriousness, kindness, virtuousness, and duty, simplicity, let me forget it in what year and month.

Many times, at home, outside, in front of relatives and friends, I talk about you from time to time and miss you. Because, I believe, you just left the world and went to heaven. However, you have been with me through the most difficult moments when the tides of my heart are rising and falling, and may our hearts always be clear. I often imagine your days in heaven, when God chose to take you back in your most beautiful moments, believing that you would be happy. Perhaps, without thoughts, yin and yang, you have long forgotten all kinds of things in the world. That place far from the holy world, the beautiful paradise, where there is no earthly troubles and strife, you live simply and freely, swimming and contented. I will imagine your days in heaven, sunrise and sunset, clouds rolling in the clouds, no more earthly noise, no more worldly trivial things, you will be more graceful! Perhaps, you have not forgotten anything, and although you cannot live with us, you have been snuggled up by the gates of heaven, watching me and my children from afar, and watching all your relatives and friends. I have no other prayers, but I just want you to stay by my side in the dead of night and let me tell you my deepest blessings and thoughts! Relieve the pain of my longing for many days! If one day, I am no longer happy and happy, that is the end of my world, then I will go to heaven to find you, then we will be reunited, we will never be separated again... In this life, we do not hold hands and walk shoulder to shoulder on the road of life, and in the next life you will be my wife again.

Just when our days are getting better and better, just when we enjoy life. Illness has robbed you of your right to live. I hate, I hate my own incompetence; I hate. It is unjust to complain. Looking into the distance, I hope that miracles will continue. If my death can bring you life, I would rather choose to die... But all this can only be rhetoric, can not replace reality, God is not merciful because of my deep love for you.

You're gone, you're in such a hurry, expecting to be a dream, and regret is gone with you. As time passes, your every move will drift away, and your voice will be remembered in the form of memories over time. Oh my God, why not give us hope, why... Why can't time dilute everything you have, time can't take away everything you give me, my good wife, the good mother of my children, the good sisters of your concubines, because all you leave behind is beautiful and unforgettable blessings for us, the road we have traveled together, I don't know how many times in my mind, you are still as young and beautiful as when you were just married, and you still look back from time to time between conversations and laughter, just like recalling our beautiful past, we have worked together, we have had hard struggles, we have had happy times, We used to have all the wonderful peaceful lives. Since the absence of you, everything we have seemed to be far away, your beautiful figure only returned to my side in a dream, but I could not hold your hands, far away you were still so peaceful, so happy and full of sunshine, I hope that you are still beautiful in heaven, still full of joy, life is still bathed in sunshine...

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