Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist at the University of Oxford, once did a famous study, and the result of the study was the famous "150 Law". The law extrapolates from ape intelligence and social networking: the number of people whose intelligence will allow humans to have stable social networks is 148, rounded to about 150.
However, even in a small village, the permanent population exceeds 150 people. How do people get to know more people who have reached the upper limit of their abilities?
The community formed between people produces language, and it is the generation of language that gives people more ways to know each other: in the mouth of others. The emperors of the feudal dynasty, every word and deed are all based on records, whether it is the operable "Notes on Living", the main history, or the wild history that originated in the remote countryside, in the end it is not still living in the mouth of posterity.
The book "Life Sea" tells the life of a colonel in the village from a first-person perspective. But the peculiarity is that the colonel's life consists entirely of "I" listening to the stories of the villagers. The Colonel himself rarely spoke up until the end of the book, when the colonels in the population concatenated a logical story, as if the Colonel were like this, and no one cared what he was supposed to be.
The mysterious colonel lives in the mouths of the villagers, but in fact, everyone lives in the mouths of others. At the same time, like colonels, we all want to live the most decent sentence in other people.
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01 Everyone's egoistic decency is nothing more than a random line of action that others have set on you.
"Flying Life" has a line: I have too many stories and want to give the story an ending.
The Colonel is the mysterious man with the story. Some of the villagers called him Colonel because he had been a soldier and was a colonel in the Kuomintang; some called him Jin Yidao, who was said to have worked as a military doctor in the army and built a set of surgical instruments out of gold; and some called him a eunuch because the old chief said that the woman he slept with was castrated.
In the mouths of others, he served as a soldier, joined the Kuomintang and fought the Communist Party, and fought the Japanese during the War of Resistance Against Japanese Aggression. After the reunification of the whole country, he slipped back to the village, loved the cat as fate, did not work but lived more moistly than anyone.
During the Cultural Revolution, his background in the Kuomintang and his privileged life made him the target of crusade. The Red Guards, nicknamed "Little Blind Man," wondered if he was a eunuch and peeked at him to change his clothes while he was being held. It was discovered that he was not a eunuch, but also saw a line on his stomach. The words on the colonel's stomach were secrets, and in order not to expose the secrets, he took a scalpel and cut the tongue of the little blind man, leaving him alive but unable to speak.
Because the Colonel was friendly with "my" father, under his father's cover, the Colonel fled. The little blind man, who was disabled and had a grudge against his father, wrote a letter to tell the villagers that the colonel was gay, and that he had a good relationship with "my" father because they were together.
In fact, the little blind man did not know what was written on the colonel's stomach, he just borrowed the villagers' speculations about the colonel to retaliate against his father. Let the father's family fall into the shame of "homosexuality". It even caused "my" grandfather to fall seriously ill. At this time, in order to relieve grandpa's heart disease, the old chief of security personally told the story of the colonel.
It turned out that the old chief security officer respected the colonel, and he said that the colonel was a eunuch just to keep the secret on the colonel's belly. The old chief also said that the colonel was not gay, and that he had joined the army for more than ten years and was heroic and righteous. In order to obtain information, he did not hesitate to serve Japanese noblewomen. Japanese noblewomen imprisoned him and tattooed him on his stomach. That tattoo was a lifelong humiliation, a constant reminder that he had been the male darling of Japanese women.
Unexpectedly, the grandfather who learned the truth was still not satisfied. He did not want his son to become a "homosexual" in the mouths of the villagers, so he chose to expose the colonel's hiding place, and let the police department publicly declare that the colonel was not gay, and the words engraved on his stomach were other filthy words.
The fig leaf was torn open and the colonel was overwhelmed and went mad. And the grandfather's family, who thought they could become "decent" in the mouths of the villagers, fell into the whirlpool of public opinion. Exposing the Colonel became a perfidious beast in the eyes of everyone. Their whole family was despised, and eventually grandpa died, "I" left home, and my father lived in guilt for the rest of his life.
The colonel preferred never to marry and be called a eunuch than to be known as the male darling of the Japanese. He could have explained that he was for the sake of the country, but perhaps he himself knew that when others talk about a person, they are talking about a story, not the person himself. The colonel was too concerned about the evaluation of others, too concerned about decency, and finally ended up with a "lost heart".
And "my" grandfather was also worried about decency for a lifetime. At first, the grandfather thought that his son might be gay, and after being told the truth, he cared about other people's opinions, and did not hesitate to destroy a good person, just to fight for himself a "decent in other people's mouths". How much Grandpa is afraid of other people's "spit stars", how miserable he will be imprisoned by others. He tried his best, and in the end he ended up with an "immorality."
Everyone inevitably has to live in the mouth of others, and although we comfort ourselves not to care about other people's opinions, we still can't help but secretly try to become the most decent sentence in other people's mouths. But the crowd is difficult to reconcile, how can we be loved by everyone? Perhaps Wu Zetian understood this truth even more, and the wordless monument was facing future generations. In the end, it is to become the history of other people's mouths, so praise and praise, just let it go.
02 There is only one kind of heroism in the world, that is, to live in other people and still maintain oneself.
The Colonel is released after going mad, and a mysterious woman appears here to take care of the foolish Colonel.
After the Colonel's mother had died, the woman brought the Colonel back to Shanghai. Twenty years later, "I", who had been smuggled to Spain to escape gossip, returned to his hometown and followed the address to find the mysterious woman's home.
From the woman's mouth, "I" pieced together the colonel's complete first half of life. The colonel was imprisoned by a Japanese woman, tattooed, and rescued by a former boss of the Kuomintang. But he didn't care about partisanship and was bent on saving people. After turning around, he actually submitted to the Communist Party during the civil war, and met this woman in the rear of the battlefield to treat the wounded: Aunt Lin. Aunt Lin fell in love with the colonel during the contact and confessed unsuccessfully.
However, in a battlefield rescue, Aunt Lin's lower body was injured and bleeding, and the hymen ruptured. The colonel deliberately issued a "military wound certificate" for her in her highly respected status, and later one night, a man got into Aunt Lin's bed in the dark, and Aunt Lin thought it was a colonel and did not resist.
The civil war was over and everything was at peace. Aunt Lin approached the Colonel to get married, but the Colonel refused. Later, rumors came out that "Aunt Lin slept with the colonel". Aunt Lin thought that he was unloading the donkey, and in a fit of anger, she reported the colonel for raping her. The colonel was then dismissed and returned to the village.
Since then, Aunt Lin has been living in the criticism of others. Until she heard about the Colonel's encounter in the village, she was like a hero and took charge of the stupid colonel without hesitation. That is, after they shared the same bed, Aunt Lin found that she was not a colonel at all. Instead, someone with a heart slept with her and let her misunderstand the colonel, so that the colonel could not be the deputy dean.
Only then did Aunt Lin understand that the phrase "there is a problem with moral style" in the other people was a sharp knife that stabbed into the heart and made her completely lose her mind, and she indirectly and personally contributed to the colonel's tragedy. In the end, she chose to keep herself in tune, and during that time in the village, she paid no attention to the whispers of the villagers, arranged everything to be picked up to the school, and took full care of the rest of his life.
"I", who was smuggled to Spain at that time, suffered a lot because of the language barrier and lack of culture. When I met my wife, who was also Chinese, her wife was gradually improving in entrepreneurship, but she moved because she had been someone else's lover for life. For the sake of "my" face, in order to get rid of the gossip of others, the two moved to other places to make a comeback. But because of an accident, his wife died...
The death of his wife made "I" finally understand the sadness of "living in other people", and "I" began a three-year garbage picking career, turning a deaf ear to the title of "garbage guy". Finally, in the era of China's reform and opening up, he lived a good life by relying on the garbage business.
Life is like a drama, and every drama is connected in the open and in the dark. The garbage that used to make me lose face has doubled my dignity.
--------------- "Life Sea Sea"
This book is what I have read, to Romain Rolland's sentence "There is only one kind of heroism in the world, that is, to love life after seeing the truth of life." Another wonderful explanation from another perspective.
Since we can't escape the comments or subjective arrangements of others, we try to jump out of other people's mouths, keep ourselves, and be ourselves.
In a very "earthy" modern saying: go your own way and let others say go.
Image source network: The Colonel with his black and white cat
03 The egoism of the bystanders, the views of others are bullshit, and who you are is, you can only count if you say it yourself.
There is a very classic little story in Ryunosuke Wasagawa's "Hell Change": the monk has an unusually long nose, because the nose is too long, and he is often secretly teased by others. Every day, he secretly pays attention to other people's views on his nose, feeling depressed. Finally, one day, he found a folk remedy to cure his long nose. But the teasing of others did not disappear, but became more serious. At first, he thought that everyone was not used to his normal nose, but after a long time everyone laughed at him. Finally one day his nose grew longer again, and he was relieved.
Ryunosuke Wasagawa explains: No one will be unsentimental to the unfortunate, but once the unfortunate find a way to get rid of the misfortune, people will be lost. He even wanted to plunge him into misfortune again, but unconsciously became hostile. This is nothing more than the egoism of the bystander.
The monk did not understand this truth, he was too concerned about other people's opinions, and he wanted to shrink his overly long nose not because it was inconvenient to eat, but because he wanted everyone to stop making fun of him. But this is the case with the egoism of the bystander, who judge a person entirely on their own state of mind and subjective interests. They are never concerned with the facts themselves, and do everything in the service of their own innermost hidden purposes.
Back to the colonel in the book, he has made a good life in a poor village because of his medical skills, but there are all kinds of rumors about him. One said he was a eunuch, and everyone believed him. This is jealousy, a materially rich man, who must have other mutilations in exchange;
The colonel had a good relationship with "my" father, often ate meat together to improve his life, and became a "homosexual" among other people. Being instigated by someone a little bit, they are convinced of this;
But in the end, it was everyone who obviously wanted to see the shame on the colonel's belly, and it was everyone who drove him crazy. But the Colonel was in trouble, pitiful. Everyone sympathized with the colonel and tried "me" for his family.
There are many such situations in real life.
Wuhan is in the depths of the water, Zhong Nanshan took the high-speed rail dining car to go out, everyone is saying that he is a "national righteousness, brave" retrograde hero; China's situation eased, and some people questioned "Zhong Nanshan registration fee of 1200 yuan, his own company, his son wears luxury goods, and makes a lot of money."
Isn't this the egoism of the bystander? Others in each population can change at any time in different environments and on different occasions. They don't pay attention to "what kind of person Zhong Nanshan really is", they only look at the matter itself. Just like a debate, the debater will only come up with something that is good for him to argue. Everyone wants to describe a person with a secret purpose:
When gossiping, it will point out a person's lace news and strange things to surprise people, so it may be said" Do you know, Zhong Nanshan registration fee of one thousand and two, he also opened a company, I don't know how much money I made." When sensational, he will take out another big book.
Lu Han is also an example, the traffic spokesperson period passers-by said that he "mother, Chinese youth is broken"; now the scenery has faded, open love, and some people praised: "Is a grandfather, dare to open up with Guan Xiaotong." “
It is said that there are a thousand Hamlets in the eyes of a thousand people, so the same is true of a thousand people and a thousand you.
A person can understand up to 150 people, but we can know people who are far beyond that number. Many of them, whom we have not touched, are a hundred and eighteen thousand miles apart, and have only heard a few of his interviews, a few songs; some of his deeds that have been rendered by the media. These are all from other people, who understand that a person has to come into contact with on their own, and anyone else's description is not this person.
Few people escape this bystander egoism, which is the unspeakable and fascinating human charm of human beings. Understand this, do not care too much about yourself in other people's population, in general, most people who understand a person from other people's populations have a faint simplicity and superficiality.
The decency of other people is not all for themselves. He said you're a bad guy, are you really?
Other people's opinions are bullshit, who you are and what you say.