Wen | condensed mother's understanding
On December 15, Wang Lihong officially announced his divorce, celebrity divorce has become commonplace, people just smiled and shook their heads, except to worry about whether other people's children will be affected, there is no wave.
However, this incident fermented a few days later, and in the middle of the night on December 17, the circle of friends boiled over, and so many people were watching Li Lianglei's long complaint.
On December 19, because Wang Lihong's father tore Li Lianglei by hand, Li Lianglei once again wrote a long article to denounce it, this incident once again rushed to the hot search, it turned out that divorce was not a simple emotional breakdown, Wang Lihong's personal problems, the unequal status of the husband and wife's family, has already laid a good foreshadowing for divorce.
Wang Lihong's personal problems, do not want to gossip. What I pay more attention to is the humility, forbearance and heartache of the full-time mother conveyed between the lines of Li Lianglei's words. Also as a stay-at-home mom, there are some things that I have a very personal experience.
After letting go of the second and third children, more mothers join the ranks of full-time mothers, they face a life crisis, rarely paid attention to, they are not fully aware, very passive, once the marriage has problems, encounter irresponsible scumbags, only themselves suffer.
Therefore, here is a special combing of those unbearable things that Li Lianglei encountered, and a wake-up call for stay-at-home mothers.
When you need money, you are always cramped and uneasy
Li Lianglei wrote: Many housewives around me do not have their own savings or income, and they usually feel embarrassed with the money earned by my husband, and I will also look at my husband's face with money, and I will never dare to say that I want to take care of my parents.
Especially for educated independent women, this is very painful for us. Because of more than 10 years of education, the morality instilled is to support yourself, not to rely on others, and not to eat soft food.
But if you are a full-time mother, have a few children, do not have the time and energy to go out to work, can not get a better income, can only put their hopes on the husband.
If you take money from your husband to spend on children and on daily expenses, it also feels logical.
But if it is spent on yourself and your parents, it will be cramped and uneasy, and it will turn a thousand times. Like Li Lianglei said, she has never used Wang Lihong's money to buy any luxury goods, and only lives a simple life.
Especially when your parents need to be taken care of, you suddenly need a lot of money, you can't take it out, and when you reach out to your husband for it, your heart will be very uneasy. Instantly I felt very incompetent, very weak, and had to rely on other people's handouts to survive.
In this way, as long as there is no right to speak financially, when men behave irresponsibly, they are incompetent and powerless, and in order to ensure their integrity, they can only endure it again.
Even if you give it all, you will not get the respect of the man
Li Lianglei wrote: You have used your connections and media connections, used me as a shield, and protected yourself by attacking me. The person who did the wrong thing was you, but my mother and I carried all the public opinion and negative news, but you were alone.
Wang Lihong likes children, Li Lianglei gave birth to 3 children, originally thought that the more children, the deeper the feelings, but still miscalculated. Some people want not only children, but also a free life, just using women as fertility machines, and discarding them as if they were all.
Marie Curie said: In a world where men set the rules, they believe that a woman's function is X and procreation.
Wang Lihong is 37 years old, still unable to decide his own work, feelings, and economy, he does not face it himself, but let Li Lianglei be a shield. I thought that husband and wife were in the same heart, and they could pay for love in exchange for family harmony, but in the end, they could only exchange for chills.
Before signing an unequal agreement before marriage, Li Lianglei did not earn any "cheap" money in the house, car, and property after marriage. Many families with strong financial resources are always full of doubts when choosing a marriage partner, not sure whether the other party loves people or money, and there is no sense of security.
Such a relationship, unlike husband and wife, is just a unilateral self-touching payment. You think that you have given everything for this family and can get a rich return, but in fact the bamboo basket is empty.
Li Lianglei also wrote: Why should I be suspected and humiliated by you and my family for a long time?
Wang Lihong's father's reply also confirmed this.
The Wang family initially disapproved of the marriage, and had to marry because they were threatened with pregnancy. After marriage, it was 7 years of pain, two years of separation, and repeated threats.
A marriage that was not optimistic at first was doomed to a later ending.
For the sake of the children, the marital relationship had to be maintained
Li Lianglei wrote: I only hope that my forbearance and forgiveness can be exchanged for family harmony, and children can grow up in a harmonious and happy family, and the result is your absence.
The purpose of a woman's marriage is to be stable and to have a complete home. Especially after having children, I hope that children will live in a complete family, get the love of their parents, and grow up happily and healthily.
Now is the information society, we all know that children living in single-parent families, most of their lives are not satisfactory, or eat badly, sleep badly, do not get a good education, or are scolded at school as children without mothers or fathers, leaving a lifetime of shadows, every mother does not want their children to be hurt in any way.
But a lot of times a woman is naïve, just like when she falls in love with someone, the IQ will go offline, and it is easy to lose judgment.
Biology explains that when a woman is in love, the brain secretes more dopamine, which is the love hormone. The Nature study found that dopamine neurons activate the memory processing centers of the mushroom body, which briefly inhibits the brain's memory retrieval, causing the mind to go offline.
After marriage, mistakenly thinking that a certificate can protect yourself, it is easier to trust others and make wrong judgments. Unfortunately, some men's desires often go beyond the bottom line, and women have to bend over backwards for the sake of their children. Once the woman gives in again and again, always in a weak position, she is pinched as a soft persimmon.
Being a stay-at-home mom must be sensible online
In the above analysis, do you shudder or empathize? Is there a sense of crisis? If you are a stay-at-home mother, you really need to reflect, awaken, and make changes for your future. If you can give yourself enough way to retreat, when the storm comes, you will have the strength to resist.
1. Have financial control and live more freely
Whether it is daily life, or emergencies, it is inseparable from money, although it is very vulgar to talk about money, but it is impossible to do without money. Therefore, before becoming a stay-at-home mother, you must be sure that you must be able to have financial control.
Stay-at-home mom is actually a harder job, and being a father and a mother, but also doing various types of work such as cooks, nannies, drivers, etc., all year round, 24 hours online, is not at all harder than going out to work.
Therefore, it is also a matter of course to get a stable income from your husband, and you don't have to feel humble.
2. Always pursue personal growth, self-reliance and self-improvement
Everything and people in the world will change, long-term home, every day around the child, lack of communication with outsiders, gradually lose social skills, and the common language with the husband will be less and less. Once there is an emotional crisis, you have no merit in fighting, so you must not forget your personal growth.
While taking children, continue their hobbies or careers, harvest personal ability to grow, and even have an additional economic income to achieve economic independence. There are a lot of jobs for stay-at-home moms right now, such as writing, shooting videos, doing e-commerce, doing crafts, and so on.
As long as there is a skill and income, you can catch it in any situation.
3, there must be a bottom line, zero tolerance for any behavior that affects the marriage
After marriage, both parties must remain faithful. One party is hard at taking care of the family, and the other is free and free, which is a completely unequal relationship. Such a relationship will one day fall apart. People who pay too much will feel wronged, people who pay too little cannot understand each other's feelings, two people cannot be on the same frequency, and the final outcome is separation.
When some of the man's behavior has exceeded the moral bottom line, or the bottom line that he can tolerate, he cannot swallow his anger and let him do whatever he wants. Don't be naïve enough to think that just paying for yourself can save his heart. It is impossible, as long as the stop loss cannot be stopped in time, it can only slide farther and farther.
epilogue
From Li Lianglei's reply, I deeply feel that being a stay-at-home mother is in danger. If you are already or ready to be a stay-at-home mom, be sure to think about it and leave room for yourself, so as not to have an unfavorable situation and be unable to clean up.
I'm @Gelma Goku
Mother of two boys, more than 10 years of parenting experience
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