01
Some time ago, I suddenly learned that my friend A was divorced and left after the confinement.
The moment she told me, it was 3 months after her divorce, I could still see the tears in her eyes that hadn't slipped. At that moment, I could only hug her silently, and my heart was extremely sad for this friend. A and her husband are relatives introduced to each other, the two of them talked more, felt very good, after half a year to get married. In the six months that A and her husband were in love, there were 2 times when she cried to me and said that she didn't want to be alone at night, and I guessed that she had a fight with her husband, who was still a boyfriend at the time. Their feelings are quite OK, and they are good to each other, except for men who are more motherly. So they divorced because the man's mother forced them to leave. I can't imagine what it's like to be hated and abused by my mother-in-law in my confinement, I just think A is so strong and strong that it hurts. In the past two years, she has changed herself from a teenage girl to a young woman, given birth to a child for others, and has not had time to enjoy the happiness of motherhood before she has been deprived of the right to be a mother. No matter how beautiful her love is, after all, the cruelty of reality is bottomless. She couldn't bear it anymore and went out of the house.
I can't tell if their love would have gone far if they hadn't become a family of three. All I know is that after the two-person world becomes a three-person world, life will become more realistic, more chai rice oil and salt. And the family of three will continue to become a family of three because of the arrival of children and break the original balance of the original unstable two-person world, there will be one or more elderly people in the family, and the large number of people means unaccustomed and contradictory, and our love may be defeated by reality.
02
We have always felt that friend B is very happy in life, and we think that her husband is warm and reliable. Every time I see her, I feel that her mental state is very good, and the baby is an angel baby, and I feel that she has not changed at all after giving birth to a baby, except for the burst of maternal love. However, once we sat together and talked about the impact of the three-person world on us, she was slightly silent, and when I looked up again, I saw that the corners of her eyes were actually a little wet, and then suddenly hugged me and cried.
She told me that in fact, she has been stoic, good upbringing makes it easy for her to bring emotions in the family to the people around her, she has been pretending to be strong, because of her special self-esteem and face, she has nowhere to talk.
Her husband cheated on her during her pregnancy and breastfeeding, and more than once. She found out more than once, cried, made trouble are ineffective, want to divorce, her husband and live and die do not agree, is pestering her not to let go, but in the occasional gap to go out to find other women. Every time I find my heart like a knife. In the end, she had no choice, and she said that she had really thought about it before, and she couldn't let herself be so humiliated for the sake of her children and continue to live with her husband. But the reality is so cruel, on the one hand, she can't bear to leave the child who is not yet one year old to her husband, because in the end it is still the child's grandmother or someone else to bring, how can she be assured? On the one hand, it is bound to be too difficult to live with her own children, she has to work to support herself and her children, and she has to find someone to take care of her children when she goes to work, so that it is impossible to hide her mother who has high blood pressure. After weighing it up, she chose to compromise for the time being. She said what could she do, life was not the same, so they divorced and did not leave home, and continued to live under one roof.
The two-person world became a three-person world without temperature. She said she didn't know how to go on, and it was a bit of a get-by. Maybe one day they feel that they can bear to let go and disappear from their world, go to a very far place, and secretly see their children when they miss it.
03
Little C is by far the only woman around me who feels like I'm incredibly happy after transitioning from the two-person world to the three-person world. She said that it was impossible to predict what kind of person people would meet in this lifetime, she was just lucky to meet a good man. This man will not spend a hollow heart to please himself, but he can take care of the family in a down-to-earth manner. There would be no romantic things in the world of the two, and now it will not be, only knowing that they are thinking about earning money and taking care of their mother and son. Every day after work, she would run home with a cigarette to play with her son, feeding her son, bathing, reading, sleeping, and hanging little C aside, but little C said that she didn't feel sad, and she liked to sit on the side and watch them play happily. She said that now she thinks more and more clearly, the days should be so plain, and the three-person world is also very beautiful.
I had seen her husband's ability to coax children when we ate together, and I was convinced that such a man had no other ghostly thoughts. Although their lives do not have the romance of the two-person world, they have the warmth of the three-person world, and they are not a happy family.
It's not a TV story, it's a real person or thing around me. In fact, after knowing about them, I became somewhat pessimistic, and I was really at a loss about the fate of love. As women, as mothers, we enter the role of wife and mother several stages faster than men. And the changes in physiological factors on hormones make us more focused on raising children, more or less will come out of the two-person world that was once romantic or bland, and more minds will be transferred to children. We instinctively feel that men should do the same, enter the three-person world, and their attention will turn more to the children. In this way, it is in line with the position of the parents, and a family with the joint participation of the father and mother can be counted as a minimum qualified family. And many things in this three-person world are not allowed to involve others, otherwise it will inevitably lead to smoke and war. If the previous generation is forcibly mixed into the three-person world to participate in decision-making, the husband and wife must have one party to resent, and if the wise previous generation can stop in moderation, there is still a chance to redeem, otherwise they will eventually go to separation. If one of the parents refuses to enter the three-person world, then she/he is bound to seek a new two-person world, and the infidelity becomes unquestionable, and eventually the three-person world will either have one more person or everything will return to zero. Therefore, the two-person world either maintains this balance all the time and leaves a balanced foundation for love, or transitions to the three-person world, sublimates love into affection, regards their other half as the closest partner, raises offspring together, and runs the three-person world together.
I often think that marriage is not the graveyard of love, but children. It's just that children are not only the graveyard of love, but also the swaddling of love rebirth, and the perfect transformation of love into family affection, and family affection is the most stable relationship in this world, isn't it?