Wen | Cheats Jun
Modern parents emphasize "unconditional parenting", that is, to give their children unconditional love and enough freedom. But this often leaves boundaries and makes people scratch their heads. After all, does unconditional love develop into coddling, and does enough freedom make children act arbitrarily?
To be honest, as a mother of elementary school students, although I have sought the true scriptures of education in books, expert lectures and lecture audios since the birth of my child, and learned good educational methods, I am not stupid enough to distinguish between "love" and "coddling". Especially when I see that some young parents are still resigned to their children's excessive behavior after reading parenting books, I know that they should also be practitioners of "unconditional love".
These parents, who have mastered the most advanced and modern parenting concepts, because the concept is vague, behave no differently from the older generation.
So, what exactly is "love" and what is "coddling", and how should the two be distinguished? I was greatly inspired by my excellent teacher speech at my baby's opening ceremony.
The teacher said that the behavior of "love" and "coddling" in parents is, in the final analysis, to meet the different objects, "love" is for the child, to meet the needs of the child itself; "coddling" is for the parents themselves, to meet the needs of parents.
Let me give you an example. I once saw a well-dressed mother pulling the same delicate little girl, the little girl passed through the sand pool and wanted to play with the sand, but my mother resolutely refused, saying that the sand was dirty, saying that it was unhygienic and so on. The little girl cried fruitlessly and had to mumble and leave. Coming to the food stall, the little girl wanted to taste the smell of stinky tofu, and was also blocked by her mother, the reason was still unhygienic. Later, the little girl came to a toy stall and saw a small toy on the stall that she liked very much, but her mother did not buy it for her because she felt that the toy was inferior. After the little girl cried a few times, her mother took her to the nearby big shopping mall and spent hundreds of dollars to buy a delicate doll, but this time her mother took the initiative to buy it. But the little girl held this doll, not happy in her heart, or bent on the toy she had just had.
In this process, you said that the mother did not let the little girl buy this and that play, it was out of love for discipline, and buying dolls for the little girl is the embodiment of love?
I don't think so. A series of operations by the little girl's mother, just see herself, and do not see the needs of the child.
This mom is a friend of mine, and the above behavior is exactly what I saw when I went shopping with her. The mother ignored the real needs of the child, and in the end, she unexpectedly gave the little girl a high-end toy that the child did not ask for, and in the end she was just satisfying herself. Because she once said that when she was a child, she wanted a doll, but her family did not allow it, and she felt expensive, and since then the doll has become her own heart knot. The dolls she bought for her daughter have been placed in several rows at home, and as long as her daughter opens her mouth, she will buy them, and even if her daughter does not open her mouth, she will buy them back when she sees the beauty. This is actually to make up for their childhood shortcomings, and the act of buying dolls for their daughters is a kind of coddling.
Face up to the needs of the child, no matter how small or insignificant, and satisfy him if the conditions permit, so that he can feel love. When the child is crying, don't be soft easily, think about what is really good for him, don't give him a mobile phone or open a cartoon for your own peace of mind, or easily submit to soft just so as not to cause trouble for yourself, this is actually the beginning of doting.
Spoiled children are willful, do not understand what responsibility is, grow up to challenge their parents, only children who have real love in their hearts will behave calmly, confidently and easily satisfied.
Senior nursery teacher, psychological counselor, author of original parenting comic articles. Welcome to pay attention to [Parenting Cheats], you want to know about parenting nursing, growth and development, family education, mental health, you can find the answer here!