Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University": "Chapter 9 Are Our Fate Exhausted?" section content.
Text: Consulting voiceover
As a psychological counselor, how do I feel about Wei Hong's marriage crisis?
What is fate? Fate is not spiritual communication.
If two people no longer have spiritual communication, what fate is there to talk about? If you want to maintain this fate, both parties must find ways to maintain this spiritual communication, which usually includes mutual understanding and necessary compromise.
This is exactly the goal I pursued in doing psychological counseling for Wei Hong.
After consulting wei hong, I have imagined many times, if Wei Hong did not go abroad, what would her life look like?
Maybe she is now holding a three-year-old boy and participating in various business socializing with Zhigang; Perhaps she no longer expects to be sent abroad, but to see the world the same; Perhaps she has now become a shrewd businessman, which impresses Zhigang; Perhaps she is no longer willing to do pure learning, but began to pursue another scenery of life...
Of course, Wei Hong will still quarrel with Zhigang, but that is also for what kind of business investment, what kind of household sharing, what kind of friends can be made, or what kind of kindergarten should let Xiao Gang (if they give the child this name) and so on.
In a word, they will also share a dream and sleep in the same bed. But Wei Hong chose another path of life, and has gone a long way. She couldn't turn back, though Zhigang kept shouting from behind: Sister, don't be bold enough to go forward.
In The Presence of Harvard, Wei Hong may feel a little satisfaction and a little pride when she meets tourists who come from afar and worship the Harvard campus, because she belongs to this land; But watching them pair up in pairs, taking turns taking photos in front of the Harvard statue with their young children and elders, Wei Hong may feel a little sad and a little sad, because Zhigang is no longer by her side.
Wei Hong may feel endless confusion and regret for this...
But this, after all, is the path she chose herself. This is life, this is the choice, and this is also my lament about life as a counselor.
The road of life is like this step by step, and psychological counselors can only help "pedestrians" to try to recognize the road they want to take.
Marriage brings us life thinking
As the saying goes, "marriage is the graveyard of love", it seems to mean that once love reaches the stage of marriage, it does not need to be managed any more. This is actually a very wrong point of view.
Love needs to be kept fresh, and marriage also needs to be jointly maintained by both husband and wife.
In the long journey of life in the coming decades, we need to understand that love has its natural development laws. As shown in the figure, love is not always smooth, it will inevitably experience more tests after entering marriage, and it needs the careful care of both husband and wife.
Love is an important element of married life, and it requires knowledge and effort. If you do not strive to develop your full personality and thus achieve a creative tendency, then every attempt at love will cause the marriage to fail. Without the ability to love others, without the ability to truly love others humbly, courageously, sincerely, and disciplinedly, then people will never be satisfied in married life.
unscramble:
For marriage, there are many famous quotes, such as Montaigne's "Happy Marriage is the sweet union of life, full of steadfastness, loyalty, and countless beneficial and reliable help and mutual obligations." Austin's "happy" marriage requires not only the exchange of ideas, but also the exchange of feelings, and keeping feelings in one's own heart pushes one's wife out of one's own life. Before deciding to divorce, "Cerschenko's" has a long, painful, and difficult process of thinking about the reasons, that is, the process of comprehensively basing one's decision from the perspective of personal needs, interests, opinions, and values. And so on. The reason why the opinions of these celebrities are excerpted is because these famous quotes properly reveal the marriage process between Wei Hong and Zhi Gang, in fact, not only Wei Hong and Zhi Gang, but also many marriages in reality are not such a painful process.
Divorce is never a one-night split (of course, not excluding individual extreme cases), in which there are many bittersweet and noisy, and there are many people who are unhappy and scattered. It is said that love is sweet and marriage is happy, but there is no "pig killing knife" that can escape time. Why? Who can say clearly, and if so, how many people are willing to take the road of divorce.
They all say the seven-year itch. The author's marriage structure chart, you can clearly see that from the fatigue stage to the stability stage, a large period of time in the middle is the marriage of the run-in struggle, happy time, the time of white head and old age is actually not much. Therefore, human marriage focuses on doubt, disagreement, struggle, communication, mutual understanding and understanding, mutual cooperation, and whether marriage can be consummated really depends on the creation of the individual. Because there are too many factors that affect marriage, there are too many temptations in all aspects, and money, position, personality, and ideals and education are also many factors.
But there are always most people whose marriages have remained in the palace of marriage, why is this? I think there is an important factor in it, that is, one person in both husband and wife has always been giving and making great sacrifices, and the other person has always been grateful and loyal to each other. Instead of cowhide blowing out! It's a real willingness to pay in exchange!
"Love is beautiful, but marriage is sacred." By understanding the difference and relationship between beauty and the sacred, you will understand the true meaning of marriage. To be sacred, you must love each other wholeheartedly!
Marriage is a life, if both husband and wife can treat themselves as mortals in marriage, will divorce still happen? Maybe it's one of my questions!
December 5, 2021 #心理咨询师说 #