Police report: The body of 25-year-old photographer Lu Dawson was salvaged ashore, what is the specific situation?

At 23:00 on the evening of November 28, Lu Dawson's Weibo account automatically sent a suicide note. On this day, it happened to be his 26th birthday.

On December 1, police in Zhoushan, Zhejiang Province, issued a notice confirming that Lu Dawson had passed away.

In his suicide note, he recounts the abuse he had had as a child by his father, about his uneasiness as a left-behind child living in various relatives' homes, and when he recalled his life with his parents, there was not even a moment of happiness.

His parents not only quarreled all day, but also constantly instilled in Lu Dawson that "poor, there is no money in the family", making him feel that he had used an extra penny, which was a kind of filial piety, and if he did not spend a penny on himself, he would be full of guilt.

His parents and his family have never given him a sense of security, and his parents' constant accusations and quarrels have always left him in a state of panic. Even if he was penniless, even if he was helpless, he never wanted to ask his parents for help.

It's not that he doesn't want to, but he knows that even if he does ask for help, his parents won't give him a comforting hug, let alone give him any substantial help. Because the seeds that his parents planted in his heart were to tell him that he was not worthy.

Finally, after his death, he suffered all kinds of harm from his original family, and was considered by some people to be "disease-free groaning", and many people said that he should not say that his parents should not be so bad, who had not been beaten by their parents... Of course, there are many people who have the same experience as him, pointing out the harm that his parents have done to him.

I would like to say that neither all the faults can be attributed to the parents, nor can all the faults of the parents be carried away by the phrase "parents love their children".

Being a parent for the first time is not a reason to hurt your child. But you and I, who have experienced the harm of the original family, may have a third way to go!

2

The reason why I studied psychology has a lot to do with my cousin. Growing up, I grew up with my cousin, whose father, my uncle, was a hot-tempered man. He has a rough personality, a quick temper, and will beat people if he does not come up in three sentences.

My uncle and aunt quarreled at both ends for three days, and each quarrel threw the house to pieces. Every time there was a quarrel, a large number of people were called over, and the two of them were notoriously fond of fighting in the village, but no matter how much they were persuaded by others, how hard they were beaten, their aunt just did not divorce and said that it was for the sake of the children.

My cousin learned well from an early age, but every time she didn't cook in time, or because my uncle came home, I didn't pour water on him in time, and I would be beaten. The uncle took the broom and whipped his cousin like crazy, and the cousin's body was often beaten to a purple piece.

When I was young, my cousin was often beaten and hid in our house, and I looked at the injuries on my cousin's body and cried in pain. But the elders in the family only persuaded and did not play a substantive role. Because my uncle likes to drink and gamble all day, the money in the family is basically taken and lost by my uncle.

My aunt was particularly concerned about money, regarded money very deadly, and often did not give normal expenses to my cousin. Even for the sanitary napkins used by girls, the aunt only gave the cousin one piece a day at a time, and let the cousin use the toilet paper pad. Just to save money, I have always told my cousin that my family is poor and has no money.

Every time my cousin bought a study guide, she had to cry several times before she bought it. But he had money to buy toys and snacks for his cousin. My cousin has been picking up the clothes I wear since I was a child, and my aunt only knows how to let my cousin do housework and cook, and she never feels sorry for her.

My cousin had good grades, and several times her aunt wanted her to study and let her come down early to work. It was I who asked my mother to persuade her aunt to go to college and earn more money. In fact, after her cousin was admitted to college, her family paid her tuition for the first semester, only 200 yuan per month for living expenses, and never took care of her again.

This little money was not enough to even eat, and my cousin had to use her spare time to work part-time and study hard to get a scholarship. She spent a total of 5,000 yuan on her family when she went to college, and the rest of the money was saved from winter and summer vacations, and part-time work on Saturdays and Sundays. Because of her excellent grades, my cousin was also escorted to graduate school.

Other people's parents must be happy to know it, but her aunt scolded her for being lazy and not wanting to make money quickly. Never called during school to care if she had enough to eat?

Later, after graduating from graduate school, she went to the big city, and from that time on, her aunt and uncle began to contact her cousin frequently, and how much was the salary? The family has to build a house, and the younger brother has to study when he goes to school...

3

In short, no one cares if she is a little girl in a big city, how well she is doing? In the eyes of her parents, her value was to earn money to take home, and everyone said that they had confessed to a graduate student. If my cousin knows how to be grateful, she knows from memory that she has no one to rely on.

Every time her aunt called her to ask for money, her cousin would cry, and even if she said that she had left some money for a thicker down jacket, she would be scolded for being selfish. Each month's money is only left enough to eat, and the rest will be looted by the parents.

At that time, my cousin's psychological state was particularly bad, and she would often talk to me and cry. She didn't know how she could get rid of her parents, she felt so tired that she couldn't help but cry every time she walked and saw her parents holding their children's hands.

Not only that, she obviously has a good education, but she has always been very inferior and feels that she is not worthy of being loved. Even the boys with good conditions confessed to her that she felt that she was not worthy of others and did not dare to date excellent men. She has always been with boys who are not as good as herself, and feels that only in this way can she feel safe.

Even though she has a high salary, she is very frugal with herself, going to the mall to buy things, always keeping her head down and her eyes dare not contact the salesman. Even if she likes her favorite clothes, after seeing the price, she will still silently put them back.

To help my cousin, I became exposed to the knowledge of psychology. She also gradually realized that all this was the influence of her original family.

4

From an early age, suffering from a poor education and not being met, what will be the impact on the child's life?

First, think you don't deserve a lover

Parents have been belittling and crying poor to their children since childhood, and they are extremely harsh on their children economically, and their basic living needs cannot be met. It's telling your child, "You're not good enough, you don't deserve it!" ”

The child does not know what the parents do to themselves, she will only blame the reason on herself. I will repeat inwardly "Because I'm not good enough, I don't deserve good things or love." ”

This feeling that you don't deserve love can also affect your child's life. When looking for a partner, it will consciously or unconsciously look for those who are not as good as their own. In this way, they will be solid in their hearts and feel: He is inferior to me, so that I can be worthy of him.

Second, it will be full of self-blame and guilt

In fact, many parents and family conditions are not really to the point of not being able to understand, but they have been deliberately "embarrassing" their children in terms of money. Even the cost of attending school had to be paid until the last minute. Parents want to remind their children in this way: parents are not easy, you have to be grateful.

But this kind of gratitude, which is forced by parents, will only fill children with guilt and self-blame.

Every time a child takes his parents' money, he will also feel unsteady in his heart, feel very remorseful, guilty, and have a heavy heart. But at the same time, you will feel aggrieved and angry!!

This situation will lead to the fact that when the child grows up, he will only buy cheap things, thinking that he will spend less money. Don't dare buy something you like because liking is too extravagant for them and spending money will make them feel guilty.

Third, it will be sensitive and inferior

In terms of knowledge, what has been the topic of #whether parents crying poor will cause children's inferiority complex #

The questioner shared her story, and her parents had been instilling in her the idea that her family was poor. But kindergarten children have bought Barbie dolls, and once she wanted to touch her friend's Barbie doll, and the other party said: Let your mother buy it for you.

She knew that her mother could not buy it for her, and it was the first time she had felt inferior. Later, in the process of growing up, her classmates bought sportswear, good-looking school bags, etc., and she rarely got what she wanted, and her inferiority complex became more and more intense.

This inferiority complex, which has not been satisfied since childhood, will come like a flood beast when it grows up.

Fourth, fear of building intimacy

Children who have suffered domestic violence, when they grow up, will use a lot of defense and will attack others before others attack them.

It is difficult for them to trust others in their hearts, because their parents, who should have protected and loved them, have become the ones who hurt them, which makes them full of "fear" for the people around them.

Therefore, these people will have difficulty building intimate relationships, will be insecure, and will use the phrase "abandon others before they are abandoned." ”

5

On the stage of "The Speaker", female director Huang Li recounted her experience of being used as a punchbox by her mother and being abused by her mother. The kind of experience of being hurt by the person she loves the most makes her only learn to be patient and sacrifice in intimate relationships. But that didn't bring her love and respect.

In the book "Original Family", it also tells about the harm caused by toxic parents to their children, when parents can never recognize their mistakes, we can choose not to forgive, but it does not mean acceptance. We can keep a proper distance and no longer be morally kidnapped by our parents.

With my help, my cousin began to establish boundaries with her parents and no longer gave them blood transfusions without a bottom line. She began to pay attention to her own needs and feelings, and before making a decision, she asked herself what was the truest thought in her heart.

After that, she would only give part of her living expenses to her parents every month, and she would keep the rest of the money, because she had to buy a small house for herself and give herself a home.

Of course, her parents did not intend to "let her go", and after the phone call "intimidation and cursing" was fruitless, they even ran to the place where she rented the house to block her, and she did not return from overtime that day. Her aunt called and cursed her, telling her to open the door quickly, and she came with her uncle to "clean up" her.

That day, my cousin said she wasn't there and had left. My aunt and uncle never believed it, and stayed on for two days before going back, and put a message on the phone: I want my cousin to pay off the cost of her schooling, otherwise it will not make her feel better.

I told my cousin not to be afraid and asked them to sue directly. Even if you give it, it is a bottomless pit. The law would not support it, and the cousin later changed her residence and never told her parents her own address. Also replaced the mobile phone number, WeChat SIGNAL. His parents were contacted only by public telephone each time, and the transfer was made only by bank card.

After a year of recuperation with my cousin, she was able to talk to me about these things in a calm mood. She has now saved some of her money, enough to pay the down payment on the apartment, and she will warm herself in the future. Now she also began to accept a boy who had been pursuing him, and slowly learned to love herself.

6

I'm sharing my cousin's story here in the hope of giving you a direction to see this article. We can't choose our own birth, we can't choose our parents, but when we become adults, we can choose our own way of life.

The love of parents and children is never connected.

If our parents hurt us and think they're not wrong, we don't have to force them to "reform," and we don't have to force ourselves to "forgive" them. We can also choose to stay away, which is to protect us from harm.

Don't care about the evaluation of others, put on the moral hat for you: "If you are not filial, you will forget your parents when you live well, and you will worry that your parents are a burden to yourself and selfish..."

If you just want to make yourself happy, you're selfish. Then, those parents who only want to interfere in the lives of adult children and squeeze their children are extremely selfish!

We didn't hurt anyone and let ourselves be happy, not selfish, but self-love.

Hug you guys!