Life is like a ruler, there must be a degree.
The best relationship is - close to each other, not tired of looking at each other, not tired for a long time.
In "Strange Story", Fu Seoul once said a sentence: I have come to the present according to the "perfect life plan" formulated by my mother, and I am most happy that my mother is not me.
Many parents are accustomed to interfering excessively in their children's lives "in the name of love", and in the eyes of these parents, what the child needs is not important, they feel that what the child needs is important. Children who rebel will be labeled as "ignorant" and subjected to moral kidnapping.
Life has a degree, and if you live, it is a disaster. All good relationships come with a sense of boundaries.
Everything for the child, sacrificing everything for him, is the most terrible gift that parents give to their children.
As Bi Shumin said in "The Garden of Parenting Relationships":
Learn to be intimate with our parents and listen rather than obey. And our children are also teachers and friends, loving and not doing everything.
Not allowing others to interfere too much in one's own life is a kind of wisdom; but intervening more in other people's lives is a kind of cultivation.
Even if the other party is their own parents and children, they must grasp the boundaries.
As Gibran said:
Your children, through whom you came into this world, did not come because of you. What you can give them is your love, not your thoughts. What you can protect is their body, not their soul.
Wenger Jolie said in The Law of Happy Marriage:
Couples who love each other have 200 thoughts of divorce in their lives, and 50 times they want to strangle each other.
In marriage, we often fall into the misunderstanding: yours is mine, mine is yours, and it should not be divided between you and me.
But in fact, the two people in the marriage are independent individuals who need space.
In the cold winter, the porcupine needs to snuggle up to each other for warmth, but the porcupine has thorns on its body, and it is easy to stab each other if it is too close; it is easy to freeze to death if it is too far away.
So there will be a delicate distance between the porcupines, which can warm each other and avoid hurting each other.
Too close a distance, will make people feel breathless, sometimes hurt others and hurt themselves, and those who run the marriage very well, know how to leave a little space for intimacy.
Qian Zhongshu once said: Marriage is a besieged city, people in the city want to go out, people outside the city want to come in.
If you don't know how to divide the inches and don't know how to leave blanks, marriage is a suffocating siege.
True love is to accept, not change; to support, not to dominate. Husband and wife should leave personal space for each other, rather than treating each other as their own possessions and appendages, to dominate everything about each other.
Emperor Gaozong of Tang had a saying: "From near to far east and west, as deep as shallow Qingxi." From the highest to the moon and the sun, to the closest to the estranged husband and wife. ”
There is a Chinese saying: fish stink for three days, and guests stay for three days to be annoying.
It is very interesting and philosophical to savor.
A piece of fish meat that has just been made smells delicious, but if you leave it for a few days, it will stink;
When you go to someone else's house as a guest, at first people are very happy, and after living for a long time, it will annoy people.
There is a "Good Song" in "Dream of the Red Chamber":
The world knows that the gods and immortals are good, but the merits cannot be forgotten! Where will the past and the present meet? A pile of grass was gone. The world knows that the gods and immortals are good, and only gold and silver cannot forget! In the end, there is only hatred gathering, and when the time comes, the eyes are closed. The world knows that the gods and immortals are good, and only the wife can't forget it! On the day of the king's birthday, he said that he was gracious, and the king died and went with the people. The world knows that the gods and immortals are good, and only the children and grandchildren can't forget it! Obsessed parents Gu Laiduo, filial piety to their children and grandchildren who have seen?
Bear Meane, fight Rice Vengeance. Really smart people help people for a while, not for a lifetime; save the emergency, but don't save the poor. Blindly helping relatives is better to let them be self-reliant.
Lu Yao said in "Ordinary World":
"The friendship between people does not depend on whether they are relatives or not, and when they were young, they often regarded the word relatives as beautiful and important.
When you grow up and start living independently, you know that kinship is often vulgar, you try to get the light on each other, you roll your eyes without the light, and even the biggest difficulties in your life are often caused by your relatives. ”
Even the best relatives must have principles and measures, and it is better to teach people to fish than to teach people to fish.
The Earth we live on is about 150 million kilometers away from the Sun.
According to expert analysis, if the distance between the earth and the sun is closer than 1%, the earth will become a "mountain of flames" and instantly destroy life;
If the distance between the earth and the sun is 3% farther, the earth is the "broad cold palace", and almost all life cannot survive.
Now, they are just the right 150 million kilometers apart.
This not far away has brought us a pleasant climate, abundant products, and made the earth not as barren as other planets.
The same is true of the distance between people. Good interpersonal relationships should be built on "bounded intimacy."
Liang Shiqiu wrote in "On Friendship":
The friendship of gentlemen is as light as water, because it is light, so it can not be greasy, and it can be lasting.
A glass of water, seemingly plain, but cool to quench thirst, indispensable.
True friends must be pure, because pure can last. Knowing too many unnecessary things will cause a gap in each other's hearts and even destroy each other's friendship.
The writer Sanmao once said: "No matter how close friends are, they must not be lost, they think they are familiar, and the result is anti-birth isolation." ”
Do not interfere in the life of friends, do not talk about the privacy of friends, talk and do things to leave room, and people who are familiar with them should also pay attention to proportions.
I know that there is a question: why can't I become a good friend with my colleagues?
There is a straight-forward answer: because of each other's interests.
People in the workplace spend more time with colleagues than relatives every day, and they don't know that such intimate relationships are often more prone to problems.
Nine times out of ten, the problem comes from "no measure."
One day, my colleague couldn't find his own cup, reached out and grabbed my cup, drank water directly from my cup, and said to me while drinking: "Who are we with?" ”
At that time, I really wanted to tell him: "Brother, we are really not so familiar, please put down my cup!" ”
"Who are we with whom?" was originally a good phrase, but in recent years, with more and more people using it, it has become a frightening colloquialism.
Many people can't distinguish the boundaries of their interactions with colleagues, and always feel that they are good friends, that they can share anything, that they can not care about anything, and even that they can borrow anything, but do not consider whether the other party is willing or not.
People have a measure to be able to stop between heaven and earth, and the workplace is complex, and it is even more so.
Actions pull apart, words are kept decent, mentality is estranged, and workplace relationships will not be too difficult.
People who live thoroughly will carry a suitable sense of distance, respect each other, and at the same time respect themselves.
Zhou Guoping once said, "A sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, which knows how to observe the necessary distance between people." ”
For the rest of our lives, may we all learn the highest realm of communication:
"Close and indirect, dense and sparse; harmonious and different, beautiful and beautiful together."