The five stages of intimate relationship development

The development of intimate relationships between two people from strange to familiar to acquaintance and love can be basically divided into five stages: romantic period, power struggle period, integration period, commitment period and co-creation period. These five stages are repeated in a cyclical manner.

For example, most partners in the integration period can easily return to the power struggle period when faced with stress. For example, when your boyfriend buys you a special Valentine's Day gift, you may be able to return to romance for a while. Two people in the same relationship may be at different stages.

For example, you think that your boyfriend and you are in the integration period, but your boyfriend is in a romantic period with you, because he is only willing to see the image he projects on you.

By acknowledging these differences, defending themselves, and appreciating each other's perspectives, relationships can continue to stabilize and grow. In the communication with each other, successfully deal with the occasional event at all stages, and deal with the high-incidence breakup crisis in each stage to make the relationship stable for a long time.

At the beginning of the relationship, the two parties did not understand each other. When we are together, we fantasize about each other as we want to be, in order to meet our own needs and more security and meaning in life. At this time, both sides "objectify" each other: assign roles, label them such as "boyfriend" and "business partner". The partner is projected as an objectified version of "expected" reality that has not yet been revealed.

At this stage, both sides have a beautiful vision for the future, and the imagination will be very rich. Before we really get to know each other, inexplicable feelings of excitement, impatience, enthusiasm and hope are all part of this stage. Romantic periods can be a "temporary insanity", illogical and irrational.

Integration is the result of a genuine recognition and acceptance of the other, and the growth of both parties is respected and supported. When both sides give up the need to "be right" and begin to be curious about the whole process, they walk out of the power struggle period. Through communication, both parties are willing to present their true state and vulnerability. In such a state, sharing is about building bonds, not about obligations or expecting something in return for your efforts. This stage is characterized by independence, creativity, fulfillment, vitality born of sharing, interest in self and others. During the integration period, jealousy and anger are emotions shared by value rather than tools used to control others.

IV. [Commitment Period]

After some level of integration, people can make solid commitments to themselves and their relationships. The most important thing at this stage is that although the problems of power struggles inevitably arise again and again, they still express their willingness to continue to be together. During this commitment phase, partners will have confidence in the relationship and believe that they can face their differences with respect and responsibility. They know each other, so commitments are determined by mutual agreement through their past history and experience. As a result, a deeper, new sense of intimacy and trust arises. In major intimate relationships, partners commit to each other because they have a deeper understanding of each other and their expectations of him become more realistic.

Through in-depth communication, the understanding, love, growth, creativity, a sense of spiritual meaning and union that the two cultivate in the relationship are characteristic of this stage. The imagination of the romantic period has now become realized in a more practical form. At this stage, a new romantic period will appear and the cycle will begin again.

Many couples develop from a period of passion to a period of power struggle, and when their relationship cannot survive, their marriages point to three directions of disintegration: a period of indifference, a period of separation, and a period of transcendence. One of the main characteristics of apathy is that you will hear the phrase "We are together for our children". The transcendence period is that it is often seen that many people will believe in nature during this period. Then there will be a period of separation, when often the husband and wife do not have a cold war, let alone a hot war, but can be relatively rational and relatively friendly to each other. There is despair and sadness after indifference, fear behind transcendence, and there is no relationship at all behind separation.

What should be done at each of the five stages of an intimate relationship?

In the third stage of an intimate relationship, it's the reason why most people break up – they can't accept the other person as they really are. The love before the fourth stage is not real love, because everyone loves the person they imagined, and when he uses the most authentic side to get along with you, your ideal lover image is shattered, and you can't accept it, and the breakup occurs.

Some people fail in the first stage, mostly because the first three months of the sweet period need to build a good image, hide their bad side, in order to accumulate the power of love. Some people say that they began to express their true selves as soon as they first met, and the theory is that they cannot accept my shortcomings, how can they be with me? How can we rush to destroy when the foundations of love have not yet begun to be solidified? Mr. Good and good girl who say yes to everything, wait for three months when the love is stable, in a good atmosphere, use positive language to raise their dissatisfaction. First praise each other's good parts, and then communicate the parts that you think you can improve, don't vent when arguing, and disperse the time period to improve the relationship.

2, good morning SMS, you can write the best feelings for each other yesterday, only early, nothing else, long will be boring.

3, goodnight SMS, how late, no chat before, to write goodnight, it is best to give some words of encouragement.

4, kiss is the best ritual of love, more than three minutes of deep kiss, can keep the enthusiasm always there.