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There is a Chinese saying that "rely on your parents at home and rely on your friends when you go out." The connotation of this sentence on the one hand refers to the fact that the individual is more dependent on the relationship with others in society, and there are many friends and many roads; on the other hand, it also means that parents are very important to the individual.
Although "home" is a very warm harbor for everyone, only parents are the most solid backing for individuals.
When we are children, we believe that we also agree with this view: when we are young, our hearts and emotions hope for the care of our parents; when we are young, we rely on our parents' financial and life support; after we become a family, there is always a position of parents in our emotions - in the end, people are always children.
Similarly, after becoming a parent, you will always have the same feelings for your children, and two different perspectives form an intergenerational interdependence.
Then whether as children or parents, since the other party is an indispensable presence in their own lives, then they should take care of them from all aspects.
In material life, it is natural not to say that when you have financial ability, of course, you can take care of each other as much as possible; and mentally, you can not ignore the feelings of the other party, and this level of change is seen in some details.
Language is a tool for people to communicate, but also as a symbolic symbol of emotional expression, occupying an important place in human life.
Just as the structuralist linguistic theory of the famous Swiss semiotician and linguist Ferdinand de Saussure appeals to the meaning: language actually has a deep meaning, the surface meaning is the so-called "refers", that is, the surface meaning of a word, "apple" and "apple" refer to a fruit, but different expressions, this is the difference between the "referent" level.
The deep meaning is "signifier", that is, the meaning behind the word, and the color "red" has a completely different meaning in "red light", "blood" and "stock market", which is the deep meaning of language - the difference at the level of "referring".
For people living in society, the meaning of actions and actions is only part of all human meanings, but more details are contained in people's language.
Whatever role you play in society, you must also attach great importance to the power of language.
As a parent, when your children are young and their language skills are not yet strong, you will naturally go deeper to understand some of the deeper meanings of their common language.
For example, for some children, they cannot express feelings such as guilt, expectation, disappointment, etc., and can only express them through some words they have mastered.
At this point, you should understand what the child means. When the child says the following three sentences, it means that the child is likely to encounter a "difficult obstacle that cannot be passed", and you must pay attention to it.
1. "Forget it..." and so on
As a parent, you are on the one hand trustworthy in your child's heart, on the other hand, you are also very intimate, of course, often have a considerable majesty.
Many children are very afraid of their parents, especially under the influence of the so-called "filial piety under the stick" cultural concept in traditional Chinese culture, many parents will immediately become violent when the child has any slightly excessive demands, resulting in children are very afraid.
However, young children always have a variety of needs, whether they want some toys, food and other material needs, or want parents to play with themselves and other spiritual needs, it is inevitable that they will often appear.
However, due to the majesty of his parents, he was not sure in his heart whether he would be reprimanded or even scolded by his parents after his request was made, so he could only tentatively, even swallow, and almost humblely make some demands to his parents.
If you find that your child communicates with you in this way, you may have to reflect on your own behavior – are you being too harsh on your children in your daily life?
Is there something too harsh in dealing with something? Have you ever inadvertently hurt your child's inner feelings? The so-called "three provinces and my body", if there is no similar situation, then you may wish to ask the child directly to see why the expression is so hesitant.
Because if this state continues, it is bound to suppress the child's emotional development, and even until it reaches adulthood, it will lack self-confidence.
2 "It's not to blame me, it's because" and so on to make excuses
As the saying goes, "a manly husband does things one by one". Although it is said that it is said, it does not mean that it is only a "duty" of men, and the meaning of this sentence means that people should learn to take responsibility for their own words and deeds.
Of course, both adults and minors should have this awareness. In the allusion of "Zeng Zi Killing", Zeng San set an example for his children very well.
In the process of growing up, the three views gradually form, if he is always in some things around him, blame others, blame objective factors, rather than looking for reasons from himself, it means that he may have some lack of understanding of himself.
If you find that your child will often find reasons, then it is recommended that you pay attention to the following education in this area.
3 Words of retention such as "Forgive me/Don't want me"
Sometimes, in order to "scare" their children, parents will say things like "don't want you" and "Daddy/Mom is gone".
To adults, we know very well that such words are a "threatening" nature of words, in order to tell children the seriousness of the problem.
But in their view, the meaning of words is literal, and they cannot experience the deep meaning, so if they say too much, some children will think that they are really unpopular.
If you find that your children sometimes express this, be sure to tell them when necessary that it's not true, it's just that you were angry.
Or instead of saying such a thing, but in another way of communicating, as long as you can tell the child the seriousness of the problem.
To sum up, when you become a parent, you must pay attention to what your children say, even if they sometimes seem a little difficult to understand.
The so-called "fairy tales" do not apply in this case, what you should really care about is the emotional and psychological state of your children, which is the most important in their growth process.
Sometimes when a child says something, he really encounters a "barrier that cannot be passed" in his heart.
- The End - The author | Tommy The First Psychological Chief Writer Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars 参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351. WeChat public account: the first psychology