What I want to share with you today is false sexual intimacy, saying that it is a couple, but it is actually very distant.
Have you ever been troubled by this, obviously in an intimate relationship, but you don't feel that you are in love?
For example, when you go on a trip with an object, you can't feel the joy of enjoying the beautiful scenery together. The two people chatting were always interested in caring for him.
It was like performing.
You're not really sincere, you're just playing the role of a perfect partner.
It turns out that when you were alone, you were lonely.
When you have a partner, you still find yourself alone.
This relationship between you is false sexual intimacy.
So what exactly is causing fake sexual intimacy?
Let me tell you about it.
The first reason is that you don't understand your essential needs.
Many people actually don't know why they are in love, what kind of person they should find to fall in love, and what their needs and expectations are in their feelings.
So how do you find your needs?
Some people say I want to find a partner who is financially capable, and with money, others will respect me.
Then the essential need of this person is not money, but respect.
Some people say that I want my partner to be very single-minded, and he is only good to me, and I feel like I am valued.
Then his essential need is to pay attention.
Everyone's essential needs are different.
Before you find someone, you need to figure out what kind of person you are looking for, so that it is more conducive to building a real intimate relationship.
If you are always unclear about your essential needs, then you will always waste time on superficial and superficial things.
The second reason for pseudo-sexual intimacy is that you may lack awareness of your native emotions.
When you talk to the object about yourself, you feel that he is acting a little perfunctory.
You feel like he doesn't really want to hear it, he doesn't respect you.
So you start to doubt his feelings for you, feel that he is unreliable, and even feel that no one cares about you.
And it may have come from your childhood.
If you send out signals when you're a kid that you need to be valued, you're often ignored by your parents and those around you.
Then over time, you will have the feeling that you are not loved or that no one loves you.
This emotion that arises in the early upbringing is called the original emotion.
Due to some bad emotional experiences, there is no effective acceptance of the other party, people are prone to some disappointment, anger to cover up sadness.
You feel that the object does not care about you, and the object accuses you of being unreasonable.
In life, almost all inexplicable unreasonable teasing is because the original emotions of one party have not been effectively appeased.
When you encounter this situation, it is a good way to express your inner emotional needs.
Don't be afraid to be hated.
Only by recognizing your emotions and communicating effectively can you avoid endless quarrels.
The third reason for false sexual intimacy is the inability to remove the disguise and reveal your true self.
Many people subconsciously feel that the other party cannot accept their shortcomings when dealing with intimate relationships, and he only likes the good aspects of me.
And once you have such an obsession, you will habitually disguise yourself.
But you have to know that sometimes imperfect things are the best things.
The establishment of a truly intimate relationship is a process of exposing the imperfections of both parties.
The ideal intimate relationship grows until it matures.
But due to the above reasons, many people's intimate relationships with their partners have stopped growing, and even regressed.
Can't see the way lovers love, clinging to their own expression of love.
You will find that the more you love, the more lonely you feel.
Change it and re-establish a truly intimate relationship.
Well, that's it for today.
If you want to know more, welcome to pay attention to our WeChat public account Lemon Psychology Classroom, and the background reply to false sexual intimacy can be.
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