Wen | snow fell without dust
The world says that it is easy to love each other, but it is difficult to get along.
It is said that every couple has at least two hundred thoughts of divorce in their lifetime, but as long as they have the determination to be together two hundred and one times, they can work together for the rest of their lives.
Long-term marriage, not only the nourishment of love, but also need to spend some effort to manage.
The secret of a long marriage: a little more routine, a little less authenticity.
A little more external "transfiguration"
In "The Great Mrs. Maisel", the heroine Maisel is a person who is extremely harsh on the outside. In the four years she married her husband, she never removed her makeup in front of him.
Every day, she insists on putting on her makeup before her husband wakes up and removing it after he has gone to sleep.
Maintaining exquisite makeup in front of her husband at all times and showing her most perfect side is Maisel's respect for her partner and her intelligence.
A little more "transfiguration" is an attitude of responsibility for her married life.
In real life, many Japanese wives are like Mrs. Maisel, they always show only the most beautiful side to their husbands.
Before the husband leaves work, they will dress up neatly and wait for the husband's return with exquisite makeup. Not only that, even when eating and doing housework, they will treat every moment of life with the most elegant state.
Some people may say: "Husband and wife should be how comfortable to get along, true love is to accept each other's truest appearance." ”
Privately, everyone has a heart for beauty, whether it is a man or a woman, it is a visual animal.
The so-called "love at first sight" is mostly "seeing the color". If there is no attractive appearance, why should people think about looking inside through the outside?
One husband once said that he saw his wife hunched over the bed and cut her nails, pricked her nose with her hand, and then turned back to ask him if he loved her.
This sounds a bit like a classic shot in a Star Ye movie, but it exists in the life bridge between ordinary couples. It can be imagined that this husband's psychological shadow area at that time, how to talk about "love"?
When a person loves you, you are cute to dig your nostrils; when you don't love you, you do everything like you are digging your nostrils.
A good couple should be the most familiar strangers.
We each get acquainted with each other's bodies and understand each other's preferences. But there are some reservations, always maintaining a hazy sense of mystery and freshness, which is the key to keeping the marriage long.
A little more communication of the "Ecstasy Soup"
Zhou Guoping said: "Love is not a solidified point in life, but a flowing river. There must be gentle processes, and there are obvious main channels, but there will also be tributaries and undercurrents. There are also the reflections of white clouds in the sky and the scenery on both sides of the river, and the wind and rain that come late will also make waves on the river. ”
The same is true of conjugal relations. The operation of chai rice oil and salt, the protection of the elderly and children, is the main channel for husband and wife to steer forward.
When two people get along day and night, they are inevitably stumbling and noisy, which are tributaries and undercurrents.
Try to communicate a little more "Ecstasy Soup", let the surging undercurrent disappear into invisibility, and stifle the late wind and rain in the cradle.
The first bowl of soup is to learn to say " I know you worked hard" .
After all, teeth occasionally bite the tongue, and quarrels between husband and wife are inevitable.
When one side has finished voicing its thoughts, if the other side chooses to fight back, or simply falls silent, then a big war is likely to break out.
But if at this time, you choose to say "I know you have worked hard", even if you do not fully agree in your heart, it at least means that you have listened carefully to the other party's ideas and given him complete respect and recognition.
Then, the other party will also stop at the right time and will not continue to chase and fight.
The second bowl of soup is to learn to say "husband/wife, you are awesome".
Sometimes, when we go out with friends to party and come home, the other party has finished the family business, we should thank the other half in time.
If you see that the other person's face is more ugly, you can immediately say "you are awesome" and affirm the other party's efforts, so that the other party will not be too blameful.
A happy marriage requires the joint efforts of every family member, and it is irresponsible to escape under various pretexts.
A little more "calculation" of life
People often complain that after marriage, there are more and more constraints and more friction.
Indeed, for some people, marriage is a walled city, and everyone who comes in wants to get out.
Writer Li Xiaoyi wrote in "The Woman with the Aroma of the Soul": "The magic of marriage lies in the fact that the tenderness is filtered by the marriage of many years and becomes trivial, the beauty becomes superficial, the talent becomes a showmanship, the romance becomes flashy, and the mood becomes a waste." ”
Day after day, in the chai rice oil and salt, it is easy for us to forget the original heartbeat, and it seems that only the familiar plainness remains between each other.
To run a good marriage, both parties have to have an attitude of falling in love every day.
It's like a cup of coffee, you need to add some sugar, you need to add some milk. In this way, even the most bitter coffee will taste with a hint of sweetness, an aroma, and an endless aftertaste.
Attaching importance to important days between the two parties, remembering the other half's life preferences, sometimes arranging a chance to be alone, etc., these "calculations" of life make life more ritualistic and sacred.
And the sense of ceremony reminds us that this day is different from other days, the closer the time, the stronger the sense of happiness.
A bouquet of flowers, a candlelit dinner, a blessing, are all sugar and milk added to the bitter life, creating surprises in the plain, inadvertently touching people's hearts, abandoning the immediate reluctance, and looking forward to common poetry and far away.
A little less emotional authenticity
A wife once told me that her husband was her closest person, and it was normal for her to throw a tantrum at him when she was unhappy. She believes that in front of her husband, she should release the most authentic emotions, otherwise she will be bad.
But she didn't realize that everyone is an individual with their own dignity. To make the worlds of two people collide comfortably and spark love, the key is to keep the two worlds intact.
Even husband and wife, as the closest people in each other's lives, also have their own views and opinions, each has its own pain and grievances, and no one is whose punching bag and trash can, and has the obligation to help you digest the negative energy without scruples.
There is an issue of "Strange Story" that debates are "The closer you are to people, the easier it is to lose your temper, am I wrong?" ”
Debater Ma Jianyue said that when we lose our temper with someone close to us, the real purpose must not be to hurt him, and sometimes we can't control our emotions.
In fact, what I want to express is that I am worried about you, I blame myself, but I don't know how to deal with these emotions, and it seems that I am throwing a tantrum.
It is true that sometimes tantrums are not our intentions, but as the saying goes, a good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June. If you lose your temper, the exit means harm, and the closer you are to the person, the more harmful it is.
Therefore, learning to control emotions and have less real emotions is a thermos for maintaining a long-term marriage.
05
Between husband and wife, a little more "routine", the feelings are more stable
A good couple, in addition to being partners, should be friends.
Mr. Yang Dai said: "Husband and wife should be lifelong friends, and the most important thing between husband and wife is the friendship relationship. ”
Mutual respect and mutual support should not only add icing on the cake, but also send charcoal in the snow.
Life is difficult and you need to be alone. Marriage is not easy and requires two people to run it together.
Three meals and four seasons, you prepare hot porridge for me, I accompany you to see all the dreams.
Author: Snowfall Dustless, Writer, Emotional Counselor. If you encounter any emotional distress, you can send me a private message, and I will help you analyze and help you solve it.