When I was a child, my husband and wife were always in harmony, and every day the husband came home to eat with his wife after work within a minute, and the wife would knit sweaters for her husband with excellent patience.
When we grew up, when the family became a reality, we found that the husband would have an endless class, and the wife would be angry before she could say three words.
At present, in the besieged city of marriage, fewer and fewer people want to come in and more and more people want to go out. Why is the marital situation starting to get precarious? In fact, it is because of the reduction of trust between people.
01), met my old partner a few days ago, although there was little contact after growing up, but through some bits and pieces of news, I knew that she was married.
So I asked curiously, "How is it now, is it time to prepare for the child?" ”
"No," she kept staring at the milk tea in her hand, "divorced, years ago, always guessing, too tired." ”
She and her ex-husband are considered to know each other online, after ben appeared, the two felt very good, did not wait to know more about the preparation of marriage, after marriage the two found that there are too many things about each other without asking.
As psychologist Johnson said, "Getting married is too impatient, and idleness will cause trouble." ”
After many couples get married, although they share the same bed, most of them are in the same bed and different dreams, and they do not have a relative understanding of each other.
02), In fact, for everyone, it is extremely difficult to fully understand another person, because many times, our foothold is ourselves, which means that it is difficult for us to take time out of the care of ourselves to understand others in detail.
What's more, when love comes, it is easy for people to fall into a blind filter state, on the basis of a small number of realistic understanding of each other, into their own a lot of imagination.
Lack of energy and time becomes a legitimate reason to build a marriage with little trust, so that the two can naturally and resentfully say "Originally, I never understood you" when divorcing.
A marriage that lacks trust is doomed to failure, because trust can greatly affect people's psychology, thus affecting the perception of a person, the views held on some things, and even the choice of contradictory coping methods.
Shakespeare said, "A marriage that is not satisfactory is like a hell, a lifetime of chickens fighting and geese, and no life." ”
Unsatisfactory marriages are always full of mistrust, but how does a distrustful marriage begin?
Before marriage, when you hear the other party say affectionately: "I don't care about your past, I only care about our present and future", will you be moved to cry and cry, only feel that your vision is good, and you have met a good man or a good woman in this life?
After marriage, when you are carrying a little secret, ready to be honest with each other, the other party just gently refuses, and says that he will love you no matter what, will you be so excited that you want to kneel down for a long time, and shout in your heart: In this life, I only love this person?
In fact, the moments when these feelings are healed are also the moments when you paint that haze for your marriage.
When a contradiction arises, or if either party holds a slightly different position, the other party's heart will point the spearhead at the other party in a constant entanglement and affirmation.
Therefore, the best way to break all this is to put it out in the first instant, rather than answering the other party's questions little by little like squeezing toothpaste.
For marriage, whether you press the start button or the end button, you must think carefully about whether you are ready to face everything that marriage may bring.
Regardless of the final decision, before making a decision, be sure to ask yourself: At this moment, when I think of the other person's name, the first thing I think of is a good thing or a bad thing?
There is a gap of trust between good and bad things, and if you believe in him, what you think in your heart must be positive; if you doubt him, your heart must also be full of bad thoughts.
In "Nobody Knows", Eun Ho's mother Xiaoyan has her own barber shop and a sensible son, but she is good but always meets scumbags.
When abandoned by Eun Ho's biological father, Xiao Yeon's inner self-protection has reduced her trust in others, and although her boyfriend is constant, she has never believed that any man can bring her a happy marriage.
Because there is no trust, her understanding of goodwill is more negative and dark, and Eun Hao's worried gaze is a kind of contempt and contempt for her.
In my opinion, trust is the attitude that arises from people, and it is impossible to be in the first place, even if you do not trust the other party at this moment, it does not mean that you will not entrust your heart in the future.
So if you don't know how to make your choices while tossing and turning, ask yourself if you trust the person you're about to spend your life with or who's already lying next to you.
Trust is born from the heart, and only the heart can make you clear whether the other party is worthy of fulfilling the vow of "holding the hand of the son and growing old with the son" with you.