01
Writer Yan Lingyang talked about his feelings about divorce in the book "I Am Divorced":
"All separation in the world is like having a big or small operation, and the same is true for divorce. It's easy to leave a person formally, but it's hard psychologically. All people who have experienced lost love, divorce, and the loss of relatives should feel the same way. People seem to be smart when they watch other people's lives, and when it is their turn, they will realize that they actually have not much superiority. When encountering things, the fear, worry, and confusion in the heart are no less than others. ”
Deeply believed, divorced, dissolved the marital relationship, is it completely separated from her ex-husband?
In fact, it is just a formal stripping, the heart will still remember, will also complain about the past, and will have hatred for the ex-husband. A divorced woman has told me, "If it weren't for the children, I would really like to have no contact with my ex-husband", but because I have children, considering the physical and mental health of the children, I feel that I can't be so selfish and impose things between adults on children.
Time is a very powerful thing, it can turn decay into magic, and what we once complained about and resented will slowly become light and breezy in the end.
Lan Juan talked about her ex-husband, she said: "I am a layman, the ex-husband's life has nothing to do with me, he can pay child support." ”
Lan Juan smiled, this laugh was quite relaxed, and now she really didn't care how her ex-husband's life was. Three years after the divorce, Lan Juan heard the news of her ex-husband's remarriage, and she also generously let her daughter go to the wedding and sent her blessings. The girlfriend said that she was stupid, how could it be so easy to forget, Lan Juan said: "Otherwise, I will hate him for the rest of my life?" There is no need, I can't be angry with this kind of person, he has nothing to do with me, except that he is the father of the child. ”
Nowadays, lan juan is so relaxed with her ex-husband, and Lan Juan has also experienced a rather difficult mental journey.
02
Lan Juan divorced her ex-husband because of her mother-in-law, her mother-in-law is very strong, Lan Juan can't bear to have a big fight with her mother-in-law, she thought of letting her husband preside over justice, but who knows in the end it is still towards her mother. What makes Lan Juan even more unbearable is that she has not divorced her ex-husband, and her mother-in-law is about to introduce her son to the object, where is there such a strange mother-in-law under the heavens, who has been looking forward to her son divorcing her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law's various destructive operations, the husband's blindness, Lan Juan finally filed for divorce.
In fact, mentioning divorce is just angry talk, but the husband agrees, and the marriage is divorced.
Divorced, can you not hate? Two people once loved each other so much that they left because of their husband's inaction in marriage, how can you not complain? When Lan Juan couldn't sleep, a glass of red wine went down her stomach, and she longed for her ex-husband to disappear in this world, along with his strange old mother. But hate, the wine wakes up, the dawn comes, everything is still working as usual, and the world doesn't change because of your emotions.
The ex-husband is a little bit quite good, when she divorced, Lan Juan agreed with him to give her daughter 3,000 yuan of child support every month, he actually agreed, and never owed it. Every time before Lan Juan urged him, the ex-husband consciously transferred the child support WeChat. In addition, on Children's Day, Christmas, New Year's Day, and Spring Festival, gifts and red envelopes should never be less than those given to their daughters.
In terms of the material aspect of children, the ex-husband is indeed quite qualified, like a father.
Of course, Lan Juan did not delete her ex-husband's WeChat, and in the chat records after the divorce between the two of them, they were all related to children. Sometimes Lan Juan is too late to pick up the child because of work, and the ex-husband will also coordinate the time to pick up. When it comes to the child's school sports day, the ex-husband will also participate as the child's father.
Lan Juan hates her ex-husband, but she never says bad things about her ex-husband in front of her children, and she does not stop the child from interacting with his father. There is no need, Lan Juan is still very mature: adult affairs have nothing to do with children, always can not selfishly not let the child have a father, after all, the ex-husband is also very responsible for the child.
Women are always small emotions, hate and hate, but as long as he is good to the child, you will slowly not hate him.
Time is such a powerful thing that it can gradually make your mind become peaceful.
For the life of a single mother, of course, Lan Juan sometimes feels hard, and occasionally has anxiety, but now she can mostly get along with her ex-husband and others with a more peaceful attitude. In the beginning, people asked her about her father, and she was embarrassed to say that she was divorced, but now she did not shy away from it. She can better handle the relationship with her ex-husband, there is no ambiguity, and she can't talk about ordinary friends, that is, occasional communication about children.
"We raise the children together, he pays, I contribute, and we work together happily."
I thought that after the ex-husband remarried, this maintenance fee would also be broken, but at present, it is still quite punctual, and Lan Juan is more satisfied with her ex-husband's current situation. Lan Juan, the current husband of her ex-husband, has also met, but it is said that the relationship with her ex-mother-in-law is also quite tense. The ex-husband later apologized to Lan Juan, saying that he was sorry for her at the beginning, and by then he had reached this step, and there was no way to turn back, and he couldn't go back. Lan Juan said it was okay, I didn't plan to go back to the past, I had a daughter, and I didn't blame the past.
Many times we can't do the wrong thing, take a wrong step, and we can't go back.
03
Lan Juan has done a good job in handling the relationship with her ex-husband.
In real life, there are many divorced couples, especially the party raising the child, who will always habitually instill some hateful thoughts into the child, which is why some children in single-parent families seem to be more "extreme", related to their parents' handling of the relationship between the two after divorce.
It's not the children's problem, it's their parents' problems.
In the matter of raising children, couples are more like cooperatives to run a project, whether there is affection or not is not important, whether divorced or not is not important, the important thing is the same goal, all in order to give the child better and more love, are to make the child a better person, have a good future.
As far as children are concerned, there is the love of the mother, the love of the father, the important "love", and even the grandmother and grandfather, the grandmother and the grandfather, can give love to make the child happy. In this way, his heart is very full, his childhood is very beautiful, even if you are divorced, he is still a happy and happy child, can grow up healthy.
"I'm a layman, and it doesn't matter if my ex-husband is good or bad, he just pays alimony."
Lan Juan's story is given to everyone, we don't have to live a lifetime with hatred, but we will not forgive. Of course, if you want to do lanjuan like this, the premise is that the person who is the father of the child can bear the responsibility, and the person who does not take responsibility is another matter.
How you deal with your ex-husband, you may wish to share it.
Today's topic: How did you deal with your ex-husband after the divorce, and is the ex-husband responsible for the children? Welcome to leave a message.
- END -
★ Author: YIBAO; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.