Author | Fan Deng Reading · Chelsea
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Polaris
I've seen a story like this:
Someone accidentally got a precious purple clay pot and liked it so much that he had to put it at the head of the bed even when he slept.
When I didn't want to fall asleep, I turned over, and the lid of the purple clay pot was knocked to the ground.
He was both distressed and annoyed, what was the use of a lidless teapot? He threw the teapot out of the window.
The next day when he got up to see the lid fall intact on his cotton shoes, he cried without tears, thinking about the teapot that had been thrown, and was so angry that he smashed the lid.
When I went out, I saw the teapot hanging well on the branches.
You see, all the bad emotions, the last to pay the bill is yourself.
Success Guru Orison Madden said:
At no time should one be a slave to one's own emotions, one should not subject all actions to one's own emotions, but should in turn control one's emotions.
No matter how bad the situation is, you should try to dominate your environment and save yourself from the darkness. ”
The greatest sobriety of adults is to understand: joy is not promised, anger is not argued, mourning is silent.
Xun Ziyun: "I can't give it to you." ”
It means to warn us not to give special rewards to others when we are happy.
And in life, examples of easily promising others at the moment of happiness abound.
See the sharing of netizens @ Time Zhiwei:
At a nice family gathering, everyone chatted happily.
During the banquet, I heard that my uncle's family was trying to find a way to send their daughter to a better local school, but they were struggling to find an acquaintance.
Netizens were happy at the dinner table, and in order to win a good feeling in front of their families, they said that they had a cousin who happened to be in charge of enrollment work at this school.
The uncle blossomed when he heard the music, hoping that she could help solve the matter.
Netizens thought that this matter should not be difficult for my cousin, so I did not hesitate to accept it.
However, the progress of the matter surprised her, because she worked outside the home for a long time, interacted little with her cousin, and did not have a close relationship.
When the cousin learned of her purpose on the phone, he immediately said that he was in class and the enrollment could not help, so he hurriedly hung up the phone.
Because things were not done well, the uncle's family did not say anything on their lips, but the attitude was obviously estranged a lot, and netizens were annoyed by this.
Maybe we have had a similar experience, when we are happy, it is inevitable that the head is hot, the things cannot be reasonably analyzed, and it is difficult to take into account those potential uncontrollable factors.
Promising others but not doing it will make people feel very unreliable, not to say that they are embarrassed, and interpersonal relationships are difficult to maintain.
Sima Guang, a celebrity of the Northern Song Dynasty, said:
"It is not easy for a husband to promise a word."
A mature person who doesn't make random decisions when mood swings occur.
Instead, it knows how to weigh all aspects of the factors, and will not easily promise in the face of other people's requests, and once it is agreed, it will keep its promises.
All adults who act in a measured manner know nothing more than to think twice before acting.
Zhang Zhidong, a famous minister of the late Qing Dynasty, had a famous admonition to himself:
"There are three indisputable problems in ordinary life: one is not to compete with the layman for profit, the second is not to compete with the literati for fame, and the third is not to compete with the senseless."
He explained: Senseless people are bustling, but they are just passers-by, and the quarrel with them is their own stupidity, and they can't complain about others.
Although Zhang Zhidong was prosperous in his career, he did not look good, was very short, and had two subordinates who were known for their short stature.
A merchant was very dissatisfied with him, and in order to ridicule him, he asked the painter to paint a watercolor painting called "Three Dwarfs".
After the merchants exhibited the painting in Wuchang, it caused a sensation throughout the city, and people were talking about it with great enthusiasm.
Zhang Zhidong was a feudal official, and the merchants even ridiculed him with his physical characteristics, and ordinary people would not be able to hold back their anger.
The subordinates were furious and demanded that the merchant be disposed of.
When Zhang Zhidong heard about this, he was stunned at first, calmed down for a while, and then smiled indifferently.
He ordered his subordinates to buy the painting and said:
"This kind of ridiculous thing is really not worth my trouble to deal with, so forget it, you hugh will pursue it."
Lin Yutang once wrote: "If there is no dispute, there is a great dispute." If there is no dispute, then the people of the world will not argue with it. ”
Everyone's life experience is different, the view of all things is different, if you are right, there is no need to fight; if you are wrong, you are not qualified to fight.
Not to mention that in the face of an angry person, usually at this time his IQ is 0, if compared with it, the consequences are unpredictable.
I once heard Professor Zhao Yuping put forward the theory of "happiness let go" in the hundred forums.
That is: whoever is happy gives way.
This means that when there is a dispute, the "happier" one should go first, because the happier party will lose more.
He also explained why mature and wise people in our real life don't want to argue with others over a small matter.
Because their inner happiness is full, it is easier to make "happiness let".
People with real patterns know how to seek common ground while reserving differences and accept different voices.
I know better how to encounter rotten people and bad things, bowing my head is not acknowledging, not arguing is not agreeing.
Mature people have heaven and earth in their hearts, understand what is most important, and do not make unnecessary consumption.
Adam Smith once said:
"No one in this world can really empathize with another person's pain.
You have a thousand arrows through your heart, you do not want to die, and it is only your own business. ”
There is a debate in "Strange Story": Should the collapse of adults be hidden?
Debater Fu Seoul recounts his own experience:
Once, she was in a bad mood and wanted to talk to someone.
She sent a WeChat message to her girlfriend Fan Xiangxiang: "I collapsed, what to do?" ”
Fan Xiangtang advised her, health care, women of our age should sleep more and eat less.
When she heard it, she was completely opposite to herself, but she broke down even more.
She sent another message to Li Tian, and Li Tian replied: "Really? Hahahahahahaha
Finally she concluded:
Human tragedies and joys are not connected, and the collapse of adults does not require an audience.
The host Bai Yansong said a very heartfelt sentence:
"There will always be such a time in a person's life, your heart has been turned upside down, but in the eyes of others, you are only a little more silent than usual, no one will feel strange.
This kind of war is destined to go it alone. "
People are in a low mood, want to talk, and seek understanding.
There will also be moments when people are at a low point, eager for help from others.
But in this world, where are there so many empathies? Self-awareness is the norm.
Half a life has passed, and I have gradually understood that the life of an adult cannot be carried forward.
Everyone has their own destiny, everyone's troubles are always their own troubles, and no matter how painful the scars are, they can't say anything to people.
Man, you have to be yourself, and the only one who can pull you out of the trough is always yourself.
Knowingly, someone once asked: How did you get out of the haze of life?
One of the high-praise answers was: take a few more steps.
Truly wise people understand that instead of complaining about others at a low point, it is better to move forward.
The writer Dickens said: "The soundness of the emotional mind is more powerful than a hundred kinds of wisdom." ”
Instead of spending time seeking wisdom in life, it is better to control your emotions and win a controllable life.
Click "Watching" and encourage the book friends.
Author | Chelsea, a freelance writer, is willing to use a pen to ferry people more self-propelled.
Editor-in-Chief | A doctor
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | snowflakes