It is said that in the world of love, age is not distance. In the TV series "Little Husband", Lu Xiaobei and Yao Lan, who is more than 10 years older than him, talked about a vigorous love, and there are many examples of "female big men and small men" in life, so are these "little husbands" the legendary "Oedipus complex"? Follow the editor to understand it!
What is the Oedipus complex?
The "Oedipus complex" is a kind of instinctive impulse complex common to human beings proposed by Freud, also known as the "Oedipus complex", derived from the ancient Greek mythology of the theory of Oedipus, the prince of Thebes, who killed his father and married his mother. In layman's terms, this is a psychological tendency commonly found in men, and people with this complex always obey and attach themselves to their mothers, no matter what age they are.
The Oedipus complex is the most basic interpersonal relationship, and it is also the earliest interpersonal relationship that occurs, and all kinds of interpersonal relationships after growing up are affected by the Oedipus complex to varying degrees. As we age, the object of the Oedipus complex gradually becomes younger and will eventually be replaced by peers. At this time, normal men will fall in love with the opposite sex of the same age.
A man's two Oedipal complexes in his life
Boys usually appear at the age of 3-6 years Oedipus complex, which is the first Oedipus complex, and a second Oedipus complex appears after entering puberty. The object of the second Oedipus complex is no longer one's own biological parents, but the replacement of the parents, that is, the elders outside the family, who can be friends of the parents, or their own teachers, historical celebrities or popular stars.
Similarity manifests itself in the desire to gain the other's approval, imitate him, learn from him, worship him; Complementarity manifests itself in falling in love with a person of the opposite sex who is much older than himself, a phenomenon called "calf love".
Why does the Oedra complex arise?
The essence of the Oedipus complex is similarity and complementarity. In the case of the boy, he is of the same sex as the father, so he is similar, and the similarity arouses recognition, so that the boy takes the father as an example, learns from the father, and imitates the father. Boys and mothers are different, the two sexes can complement each other, learn from each other's strengths, and rely on each other for their lives, which is love or object love. As a result, the boy formed the most basic interpersonal relationship with his parents - "Oedipus imitation father".
Mothers who create oedipal complexes are usually more aggressive and assertive, and even if their sons are adults, they still have subconscious desires to control. In marriage, the role of the father is also relatively weak, which affects the pattern of male-female relationship in the son's mind. Parents are divorced or widowed, the son lives with the mother, and the mother transfers emotions to the child due to long-term singleness, and finally makes the son and the mother interdependent.
What's so bad about men with an "Oedipus complex"?
Lack of initiative, no independence
Some men, although they have reached adulthood, have been mentally unable to grow up because of the existence of more or less Oedipal complexes. Therefore, they lack initiative and independence in doing anything, and if no one guides him or takes the lead in setting an example, he will be afraid to move forward, and even in terms of sexual life, he will lack independent initiative and motivation. Therefore, men with Oedipus complexes in their lives like to pursue women who are older than themselves.
Fear of associating with women
Men with Oedipus complexes have different degrees of terror toward women, and under the domination of terror, they often do not know how to maintain moderate interaction with women. As a result, their attitudes and interests towards women have not always been positive.
You can't be alone in your work
Men with Oedipus complexes lack a sense of independence in their work, they lack their own opinions even when given any homework, and they are constantly expecting evaluations from their superiors. When he was between a group of colleagues or subordinates, he hated the position of mentor, and in any case, such people always liked to make friends with people older than himself, so that they would feel safe.
The relationship between husband and wife cannot be properly handled in marriage
Men with Oedipus complex do not know how to handle the relationship between husband and wife normally, and their attitude towards marriage is difficult to be proactive, because they are cowardly, so they choose extreme ways to cool the marriage. A man with an Oedipus complex will never allow his wife to say that his mother is not half a sentence, which will make him feel guilty.