Shi Pingmei's Letter to Lu Jingqing (II)
(Madness is endlessly "blowing")
Jingqing! Do you think I'm going crazy for the last time? No, my madness is from the inside out, and from the outside to the inside, and finally crazy to the heart, which is to pull you to listen to my gossip. Maybe you don't want to hear it?
As the old saying goes: No Pole Tai Lai. Logically, maybe it would be better for me to work in the agency? But, Jingqing! I'm crazy Oh, where do I have such luck! Although I have every day after noon and after five o'clock in the afternoon, or even two days off, I am free. But, Jingqing! "People move to live, trees move to death", I am a crazy person, basically numb to a tree, if I move from a place with a "central life", I will die! Jingqing, I have such a nostalgic heart, and I have a strong loyalty to everything in the past, whether it is sorrow and joy, bitterness and bitterness. Therefore, when I am far away from this "central life", I will die, "completely, like the season of withering", leaving no hope of squirming. But I can't stay in the place where this "central life" arises, I have to come to the bureau from home. You think, they're all gone, what am I doing at home? They're all gone, who am I nagging at home? They're all gone, who am I crazy with? Go? Yes, yes, I also pretended to go out to work, pretended that "the boy is in the four directions", and hurried to work and internship at the office. But my mind is not on this, and my heart is not able to make a little space to think about work problems. Almost impossible, you think, my heart is so plump, squeezed can not be squeezed, is seriously overloaded, where is there anything else "leisurely"?
The heart is like the dry grass in the wilderness
I was holding so much chowder in my heart, but I couldn't find anyone around to help me step on it. I spent so much time all day boredom, looking at the ceiling, counting the stars, and dazed, and I thought that the anthropologist had found a good piece of material for studying madmen? Yes, yes, he could have figured out from me how a normal man can go crazy.
If you think about it, a huge building, eating on the first floor, sleeping on the fourth floor, working on the fifth floor, eating and drinking Lasa, life and old age, illness and death do not have to go out of this compound. What were my legs born for? No one to talk when I eat, no one to talk when I sleep, no one to talk at work, what is my mouth for? Jingqing! I'm going crazy! How many times a day do I have to stay? How many times have you faced inner condemnation alone? Jingqing!
Dim lights
The light outside the window carried its body into the distance, its loneliness and loneliness. My mind caught up with the "train" of this transport, but where did my destination appear? Where can there be the end of a bitter sea? My heart ached heavily... In this vast dark night, I deeply felt that it is not easy to be a person, especially the difficulty of being a cultural person.
The city of midnight gradually swelled up, and I could not estimate how long it really was. I just felt that the floors were coming from all directions, and the partnership was going to bury me hastily, buried in a cold city and a sad era----- you, so you knew my crazy words?
But, Jingqing, what you don't know is that I am born to struggle! I took the worn-out mobile phone, knocked out a piece of information, and sent it to all those who could tolerate me, but, Jingqing! I was disappointed again! Their indifference was beyond my imagination. Even if my questions are so open-minded, they don't even reply to me with "yes" or "no"! That's why the last straw that saved me died. My sense of disillusionment has never been so deep, and you may have never heard such crazy words? Or maybe he has never had to understand such a difficult mental ordeal?
So, Jingqing, think about it, why can I have to go crazy? I was tired, my body and mind were like the dry grass in the wilderness, and no one could give me the illusion of survival anymore. My happiness may only be in my dreams, but sleepiness may be the greatest blessing in my life.
My crazy words are piled up so high, and my mood is so bad, do you feel endless sadness? Even if this letter will cause you endless trouble, can you still repeat my unsuitable letter? In anticipation!
Have fun in the Spring Garden!
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2011-2-22 Night at Power Building 504
Original work, if you need to reprint, please contact the author.