Old Ding's memories

Author: Wang Yiniu

Old Ding's brain has recently gone wrong, which is not discovered by others, but he himself feels it. He found that the problem in his mind was a problem with his memory, something he could remember recently, like a silk scarf in a magician's hand, shaking, and then disappearing without a trace. Many past names, past stories, once Old Ding remembered them, and then recalled these people and things, but he couldn't remember them all.

At first, Lao Ding was a little strange: after decades of time, he could think of it effortlessly, slipping directly from his brain to his tongue and splashing out directly into other people's ears, thinking about things like a fountain, but it was very difficult to think of it again, just like a fish was still jumping alive in front of his eyes, and suddenly as soon as the gate fell, the fish had no trace, and the yin and yang were separated.

One

At first, Old Ding was just a little confused.

A few years ago, my wife bought a fish from the market, and when she was cleaning up in the kitchen, she found that there was a small fish in the belly of the fish, and exclaimed that Lao Ding should hurry up and look at it. Lao Ding immediately thought of a river that flowed through his hometown town 50 years ago, the river was clear, and he could see countless small fish swimming around in the water. On the pier leading to the river, the people of the town often wash their clothes here to wash rice and vegetables, Xiaoding went to collect rice, and many silver and brilliant small fish ran to the rice basket, and after the small fish pecked, they turned around and swam away. Seven- and eight-year-old Ding Kerong lifted the rice basket upwards, the fish was not basketed, and the rice spilled a lot. The rice falls to the bottom of the river and the fish swim deeper. The fish ate a full meal, swam back, pecked at the instep of little Ke Rong's foot, tickled him, and rubbed the soles of his feet back and forth in the water. One evening in junior high school, as usual, After school, Ding Kerong walked home along the river beach and found that there were many people on the river with their pants and pipes rolled up to pick up fish in the shallow waters of the river, just like the production team organized the plucking of seedlings and scattered in the rice fields. Looking closer, there are many fish with white bellies floating on the river, still struggling, and some of the fish are already lying on the riverbed. Ding Kerong also went to the water to collect fish like everyone else, soaking in the black water, and there was no time to talk to each other more. The sky on the surface of the water also darkened, and the clouds in the usual sky were reflected in the water, as if they were two skies, but now the gray-black river set off the sky like a river hanging above people's heads, and the upper and lower parts were like the mouth of a crocodile, eerie and terrifying. Water of this color, which he had never seen before in the river, was like the water composted by the trees in a pond. There were a few fish that were not completely dead, and he was afraid that the fish would not survive without leaving the water, so he simply fished the small fish into his shoes and took a few more handfuls of water into it. What if you don't use this water? The surrounding area is so dark that the bottom of the river under the surface of the water can no longer be seen.

The fish put into the shoes are like the small fish in the belly of the fish on the stove now, without vitality, dry and shriveled, soft and collapsed. After a while, the shoes and bowls were full of fish, the water was overflowing, and there seemed to be endless fish in the river. The people on the side said happily: The sewage discharged from the county printing plant is really a big help, no need to cast a net, the fish will float up! He panicked and frightened, there were so many fish hidden in the river! He wondered: How many fish are hidden in the river? Shouldn't the fish in the whole river wake up and stir up?

Years later, the descendants of his hometown who worked in The capital brought back dried sweet potatoes to him, and he looked at each piece of dried sweet potatoes like dried fish one by one, and his white belly was showing off. Old Ding stared at the straight and straight "dried white fish", and remembered the memories caused by seeing the small fish hidden in the belly of the big fish bought by his wife a few years ago. But what he remembered at that time, he couldn't remember anything. He told his wife about the doubts, and the wife gave him a blank look: How old are you? I'm getting old! Almost seventy, shouldn't you forget?!

Old Ding was very dissatisfied with his wife's explanation.

He thought that his wife did not understand his real distress. If the old memory is not good, it should not be the last time you saw the big fish hiding the small fish, you should not hook up a lot of memories. Why did the events of a few decades ago go on and on, while those of a few months ago come to an abrupt end? This is a brain problem!

Two

This kind of indisputable recollection also appeared once in the past month. After the beginning of the semester, the little grandson was reflected to the parents several times by the class teacher, saying that he was absent-minded during class. Later, the son and daughter-in-law learned that it turned out that the children and several classmates were obsessed with playing games and watching vibrato, and they could watch three or four hours of mobile phones in one breath after school, just like their fathers were fascinated by watching cartoons when they were young, and they couldn't shake their spirits during class, and their minds were always circling around to see and play Dongdong.

Listening to his son talk about such a situation, Lao Ding immediately remembered the scene where he was looking for books all over the world to read and seek knowledge from teachers.

There was originally a school in the place where the queue was inserted, which was converted from an ancient temple, with a pair of stone drums at the entrance, and the courtyard was paved with square bluestone slabs, and children living far away could live in the attic with wooden floors. Classes can be held here until high school, and the teachers are all well-versed gentlemen, who are well-known and respected in the town, and children from all over the world come here to study. Although the cultural revolution began, children's schooling in many places was affected, but there has always been a strong atmosphere of reverence and re-education, and the school has become the only surviving complete secondary school in the rural town in the area. It was only when Ding Kerong came here that because there was no longer a college entrance examination, the superiors banned the high school, the school had been suspended for four or five years, and the teachers who ate imperial food were all transferred to various places. Private teachers stayed behind to teach primary and junior high schools, and the children returned to their hometowns to work as farmers after completing school. Without the goal of further education, the level of teachers naturally declined.

The whole country resumed the college entrance examination, and there were only ten days left when Dink Rong was sure to be able to take the exam. The last day was left to be used to walk seventy kilometers away from the examination hall in the city where the regional office was located, and there were only nine days. A few enthusiastic comrades from the county zhiqing office asked the teacher to open a tutoring class, which took 3 days. In the remaining 6 days, politics, language, mathematics, physics and chemistry are only one day for self-study and review, and the remaining two days, Ding Kerong can only be used to make up for the shortcomings of not finishing the course. In his own view, there are shortcomings everywhere. There is no way, you can't dry it, you have to use it for two days.

Therefore, Ding Kerong adopted the method of grasping small amplification, too late to see the more difficult knowledge points, do not look, only stare at a few basic points, understand the basic principles thoroughly, do not seek more, only seek to stabilize the foundation, keep a few basic points, do not seek to catch big fish, only hope not to run and drip. He found that the concept of functions is the most basic, and there will definitely be exam questions. But he didn't even know the basic symbols, and he couldn't even read the sine sin and cosine cos, and he didn't know what it meant.

Can't find anyone to ask! What to do?

I heard that Mr. Bian, a math teacher who was originally in the town high school, recently returned to his hometown after being transferred to the provincial city to work, and the village of Yujiayao, fifty kilometers away, was guarding filial piety at home. So he borrowed a bicycle from the commune cultural station, took the lecture book, rushed over and then rushed back, his clothes soaked several times. Back to Zhiqing point, I still have to work and then review. But Dink Rong has always been full of spirits and high ambitions, and every time he rests on the road, he reads two pages and then sets off, thinking about it while riding. When he returned to his knowledge, he read most of the book, and although he was half unfamiliar, the examples in the book were still remembered. In the last ten days, it is definitely a big contribution to the score. Otherwise, you would not have been admitted to the normal school.

When the children argue to change their mobile phones and buy computers, saying that they are counting on them for the examination, Lao Ding remembers that when he listened to his son nagging his grandson at the beginning of the school year, he remembered a thing when he cut in line, but as for what it was, like riding back and forth for a day to ask about sin and cos, he couldn't remember it at all.

Old Ding was confused, obviously remembering a past incident that was easy and refreshing, I can't remember it.

Old Ding first talked about this matter with Lao Qi, who knew him in the same neighborhood, and he did not tell his wife again that his wife did not understand himself. Lao Qi is a painter from the Cultural Center, is his old acquaintance, the cultural, educational and health system is not divided, should be able to understand himself. Lao Qi said, you are old, whose turn will be bad. Just like the water in the water pipe, after a long time, the rust spot suddenly fell down and a large piece blocked the pipe, and if it didn't work, you couldn't remember. After listening to Lao Qi's "expert commentary", Lao Ding still didn't think so, saying that if it was blocked, then I shouldn't have similar memories of the past like gushing rivers and rivers in the future.

Three

Old Ding was referring to the following things. Two weeks ago, the girl came home and said that the eldest grandson was going to get married, that the child should have a house to live in alone, that he would have a car, and that he would give the woman a bride price. Old Ding immediately remembered the details of his marriage. I have been teaching at the county middle school for more than three years, and I still live in a dormitory, and three single teachers live in a room. Before getting married, I complained to the school leaders, but the classrooms were not enough, the old teachers shouted to improve the housing conditions, they were all crowded in one or two small bungalows, the cauldron stove, the living room, and the study were all together, where can it be his turn to solve the marriage room? Had to change the single teacher in the dormitory to squeeze other dormitories, Lao Ding and another teacher who was also newly married shared the original dormitory, fourteen square meters or so, four new people crowded in a dormitory, had to use wardrobe bookcases and curtains to divide the room into roughly two halves, pulled from the window to the door. The two families lived together for more than two years. Fortunately, the teacher married a nurse, often strive to work the night shift, whether it is a big night shift or a small night shift, can occupy the nurse's duty room, and sometimes take her husband there, so that Teacher Ding's dormitory is like a person assigned to himself.

At that time, I felt happy and interesting, and Lao Ding just thought that he was always better than still in the team. When joining the team, there are friends and local girls married, although the captain and teammates and villagers help painted the earthen wall, sent hot water bottles to enamel jars when married, bought red treasure books, distributed candy, but the rural houses leaked into the rain and running wind, which is the old Ding's least favorite, today's dormitory is a cement wall building, always do not have to worry about getting up in the middle of the night to get pots and pans to get water.

The past in the purpose of the past caused Lao Ding to ponder, his wife saw that he did not speak, asked him how the corners of his eyes were rosy, Lao Ding did not open his mouth. It is no wonder that when he saw someone in the community walking around, he lovingly led one puppy after another or hugged one kitten after another, wanting to know what he remembered when he heard his grandson's marriage, Old Ding didn't remember it, but he couldn't ask his wife. If she had told her wife, wouldn't she have been able to prompt herself?

The wife is not counting on it, Lao Qi can not answer, where is his crux of the matter, Lao Ding does not know and does not say to the child, even if he says, the children may not be able to understand him.

Old Ding had to rummage through the boxes and cabinets to find some books to seek answers, and then find the past notepad diary, looking at his former self when looking through, Lao Ding's memory floodgates suddenly opened. He thought that when he was transferred to the office of the commune to write paperwork at Zhiqingdian, the commune was vigorously carrying out the writing of "big character newspapers", writing in the courtyard of the commune from morning to night in the office, and sometimes directly on the red paper and white paper on the lanyard according to the meaning of the commune.

Ding Kerong, who had drunk ink for several years, was now put to great use, either by Secretary Zeng's request to write about the ideological problems of Deputy Secretary Xia, or by Secretary Qiang who asked him to write about the work of Wu Guan, or for Deputy Secretary Song to write about the simple and rude nature of the militia organized as the minister of armed forces when they grabbed the grain and picked up the stones. The sentences originally written were in Lao Ding's mind, lined up line by line, and the fish appeared. It was not easy for the commune to provide free pen and ink paper for Dink Rong to play, and he did not dance happily.

The book has not yet been found, the wife took the mobile phone text message to say that the classmates of the old university invited him to go square dancing, and the wife asked the old Ding if he could go. Old Ding originally wanted to mention the big character newspaper to his wife, but he couldn't remember it all, and at that time, he wrote more words every day than the words that young people read in a year now. Old Ding muttered twice angrily: Dead old woman, my nerve highway is sealed.

Four

The wife can't explain, What Lao Yu said is also a layman, and the book can't be found, but the things encountered are one after another, so that I can't avoid it. Therefore, the old Ding Huo went out, felt that he had to go directly to a professional, asked a few doctors, all of them could not get the point, and finally found a well-known neuropsychologist in the country through a student in his past, and the explanation given was that Old Ding did not shake his head again.

Professor Zhao said easily and slowly: You are the phenomenon of the end of memory, the past can be recalled in front of you, the memory at that time is like a waterfall, although gushing, but the water to the mouth of the waterfall, it will be a thousand miles, instantly gone, the things remembered can no longer find the figure, and our memory is normal like an ordinary river, flowing endlessly, it is also constantly depleted, but always dry, so, you, remember the past, forget the present, what you forget is not forgetting the past, Instead, you forget the thing you just remembered, and this event includes the content of the past you have recalled, just like the waterfall is gone, and naturally there will be no embankment.

After all, experts are experts, and it is impossible to say that it is not, but it seems that it is not so easy to understand, and what the experts say is right.

Speaking to Lao Yu, after all, it is a cultural person, Lao Yu will re-express Professor Zhao's very professional words to Lao Ding, that is: remembering and remembering are two different things, if memory and memory can become memories, it is a kind of encounter, all the encounters in the world, are long-term reunion, can not be reunited, is a new life, no matter how beautiful can not withstand forgetting, no matter how sad can not withstand the years. He also went on to advise Lao Ding: Although he is old, his spirit will not fall, he will find amnesia, and he will turn waste into treasure; all the way forward, lightly packed and cleared zero!

Old Ding thoughtfully spread his hands and made a helpless expression: Never mention the past again, it must be good? Are clear memories of the past really impossible to find back?