Author | Gardy
Edit | Zhou Yan
This is the second time that Lian Huaiwei has stood on the stage of "Youth with You".
In 2019, in the first season of the show, Lian Huaiwei was the only personal trainee among the hundred contestants. He didn't have an agency, couldn't afford the rights to the songs, wore borrowed performance costumes, single-handedly broke through three levels in a row, and successfully reached the final, but at the last moment he passed by the group and missed his debut position by a difference.
This is an unavoidable label on him, and it is also a point that has been repeatedly asked. But in the face of the curious eyes of public opinion, Lian Huaiwei seemed very calm.
Among the many talent shows, why did you choose to return to the stage of the third season of "Youth with You"? The answer he gave was "intuition."
After two years, some people said that Lian Huaiwei had changed, there was no light in his eyes, and he didn't smile before. But he told Yu Shi'er (id: yuci-er) that it was just two sides of the same person, happy or sad, he was still him, but not only the "he" in the public perception.
Compared with living in a fixed persona, Lian Huaiwei now wants to return to himself, even if it means "lack of characteristics" and risks being difficult to see.
"I'm quite happy without a label, because others will think that I am Lian Huaiwei, and I won't think that Xiao Lian is funny, and Xiao Lian is happy." Now I am Lian Huaiwei. ”
On the evening of April 26, Yu Shi'er (id: yuci-er) conducted an exclusive interview with Lian Huaiwei and discussed with him the changes and changes in his body in the past two years.
Starting over is never easy, especially for someone who was once just one step away from success. Getting back to the starting point again will require a great deal of courage and will inevitably be under greater pressure.
For Lian Huaiwei, the pressure is multifaceted.
The first is the positioning of the self. Back on stage again, he didn't know what "role" he should play. Is it a predecessor? Come over people? Or do you think of yourself as a new person like any other trainee?
If he were a predecessor, he would have to bear higher expectations; but as a newcomer, past experiences and experiences are facts that he cannot avoid.
The second is the gaze of others. Strength, character, ambition, everything that will be exposed to the camera, will be repeatedly examined, repeatedly questioned.
Before coming to the show, Lian Huaiwei made two plans, the best and the worst. "The worst plan is to go when 100 into 60, and the best is to debut in the c position." He then added, "I can afford both outcomes, that's why I came." ”
If the best and worst intentions are likened to the left and right ends of the scale, Lian Huaiwei, who was facing all the unknowns at that time, did not dare to add weight to the best end. He strives to lower his expectations to reduce the harm caused by the results.
At the first media meeting, someone asked Lian Huaiwei "what if the final results are not as good as the last time", he successfully laughed at the audience with a sentence of "So I hope everyone bless me more", behind the seemingly relaxed words is actually the wound he carefully concealed.
But reality never shows mercy.
In the initial stage rating, pd Li Ronghao affirmed his progress in strength and maturity in character in the past two years, but pointed out that he lacked the original hard work and vigor. Amid the clamor for a grade A from the spectators, the three words "C grade" spoken by pd Li Yuchun when announcing the results were particularly harsh, which was lower than the results he got on the same stage two years ago.
The blow came too quickly, and even Huaiwei's emotions could not be hidden, and he had to endure tears in the camera. He is like a person who has fallen to the bottom, and the look in his eyes is difficult to hide the loneliness and confusion.
But Lian Huaiwei is not a person who will always be trapped in emotions, he knows how to break the situation by himself. As he said when he cheered himself up on the show: "Isn't there no light [in the eyes], isn't it enough to get it back?" ”
He soon realized that whether the "character" or the gaze, too much attention to these, will live in the definition of others. "The more I think about it myself, the worse I will behave and everything will be imprisoned. I feel that I must make others feel good, I am very good at this. After slowly freeing myself from this idea, I became more and more comfortable. ”
Since he was going to start over, he needed to put something down. However, the mindset can adjust quickly, but wounds can be difficult to heal.
Someone once suggested that Lian Huaiwei should participate in "Youth with You" as a brand new program and forget about past experiences. He felt helpless, "I actually want to tell them that this is definitely impossible, I am not amnesiac, that experience is gone." That experience will always be in my head. ”
Entering the fifth week of the big factory, the players ushered in the first ranking announcement. Lian Huaiwei in front of the camera looked very nervous, and he kept breathing deeply. When announcing the name of the sixth-place player, pd Li Yuchun paused for a moment, and then looked at Lian Huaiwei, "Lian Huaiwei, you are avoiding my gaze." Do you think you're still sixth this time? ”
"Possibly, yes." He struggled to squeeze out a smile. As the camera zoomed in, his eye sockets were already flushed, "Neither, I think." He and grief froze for a while, but eventually lost, and in front of the camera, he collapsed and burst into tears.
He was no longer familiar with the rank. On the same stage two years ago, he finished sixth in both the first and second ranking announcements, but ended up in tenth place. The group, for him at that time, so close, so far.
The sixth place was like a spell for Lian Huaiwei. Now, with great pressure on his shoulders, he has to face this position again, this obstacle that has never been crossed.
The dramatic scene did not happen, this time, Lian Huaiwei was luckier than expected, and he managed to take the third place in the first ranking announcement. The balance is undoubtedly tilted to the favorable end, and everything is moving towards the "best intentions".
One of the first changes that people perceived about Lian Huaiwei was his identity.
At the media meeting for his debut, the former "personal trainee" on his name brand became "Lian Huaiwei Studio". When I introduced myself, there were people in the audience who constantly shouted "the boss himself is coming".
In 2019, after the defeat of the idol draft, Lian Huaiwei set up his own studio. At the time, he was 21 years old, trying to find a way out of the chaos, learning to become the head of a studio in the confusion.
(A letter from Lian Huaiwei Studio to fans)
When it comes to the changes after becoming the boss, Lian Huaiwei believes that there are two aspects, "the material life is definitely better than before, because these two years are also making money", but he also complains that the boss is not good, "need to worry more, so it will be more tired."
On the other hand, there is a change in mentality. Because he needs to take on more responsibilities and deal with different relationships, this allows him to learn to think from multiple perspectives.
He confessed that he had a moment of collapse in the past two years. Setting up a studio was a whole new challenge for him, he needed to jump out of his comfort zone of singing and dancing, to adapt to a new role, but due to experience and experience, every step of his step was very difficult.
"I definitely wish I could handle everything calmly, but how could I be able to do it at my age, or control the whole situation, right?"
What makes him feel most lost is that those opportunities that are close at hand, but how can not seize, "everyone is likely not to care about you very much, such as when pushing the program", he was silent for a while, "will feel that the chat is actually very good, but there is no further development, this time will be more frustrated." ”
But he wasn't in a hurry, preferring to grow up slowly through different experiences.
Like all the big factory boys who participated in the draft for the first time, the former Lian Huaiwei wanted to be flawless, at least in front of the camera. The biggest change brought about by growing up is that he began to accept his imperfections and was more willing to show his sad and sad side.
Different voices also came pouring in, the audience thought that "the happy and optimistic Xiaolian was gone", the tutor said that "the desire in Xiaolian's eyes was not enough", and the staff advised him to "stay happy after going back".
This topic seemed to touch Lian Huaiwei's sensitive nerves, and he became very eager to talk.
"Because everyone's impression of me is actually to be honest and stay in "Youth with You 1", which is a happy and optimistic image. But in fact, it is me who is coming back (now), it is another part of me, but this time I am not in a very optimistic attitude, such a way, everyone will feel unaccustomed, but these two are me. There was grievance and helplessness in his tone.
Immediately after, Lian Huaiwei made another analogy, "If you have a very good friend around you, he is very happy every day, and suddenly he is unhappy, you will ask him what is wrong." This is the same reason, in fact, the unhappy one is also him, but you are not used to it. ”
He hopes that the audience can see more aspects of himself, "I have happiness, and there may be a more lost side or a more real side, rather than what they hope, I will always be a happy and positive perfect commodity, or a perfect personality." 」 I've always felt like I'm not a perfect me, and I have flaws. ”
This is not the idea of Lian Huaiwei alone. In the fourth year of the idol draft, there are more and more voices of "wanting to be true to themselves". However, the meaning and expectations that idols are given trap them in a fixed field.
As Lian Huaiwei himself said, idols need to bring positive energy to others. This means that they need to show themselves in front of the camera as energetic and positive, and it also means that they need to hide or sacrifice a part of themselves.
He has his own opinion on the trade-off between the positive and negative energies of idols.
"Positive energy does not equal me, but I have positive energy in it." You have been holding the positive energy of yourself, stepping on the negative energy of yourself, this is not right. After stepping on it for a long time, you will have a very extreme change. You have to balance the two. In fact, I have also told you that if you are really sad, I also hope that you can reconcile with your bad mood. There is nothing wrong with negative energy self. ”
When the noise of the outside world dissipated, people realized that Lian Huaiwei had once again reached the final.
In the big factory in Langfang, Lian Huaiwei spent two birthdays. For him, the long journey of "Youth with You" is a test and a transformation.
Growth means gaining at the same time as losing. Even Huaiwei was aware of this, "Before, it would be very simple to feel happy, but now I feel that happiness will be some, not that it is difficult, (that is) it will not be so easy." ”
He also realized some of the vanishing edges in himself, "Now I seem to be not so active in socializing with people." He thought for a moment and continued, "There will also be social, but the more I grow up, the more I feel that social is not so powerful." When I was a child, I would have a very thick skin, and now I feel as if... Don't want to be so arrogant about expression. ”
But he accepted it all because the past could not be changed, and now it is happening.
He explains with boss-style thinking: "It's a very low-value thing to be immersed in the past. ”
He wants to live in the present, but that doesn't mean he's separated from the past. He has always insisted on something - from the past to the present, the same original intention.
So what is Lian Huaiwei's original intention? Is it a group?
His wish seems to be a little more pure, "The group is actually a part of my life, and the original intention actually hopes to have a stage." Although this sentence is very false, it is true that I have never held a concert, and I hope that I can experience the feeling of the concert. ”
He also has a clearer understanding of the self on the stage, "I hope that I can enjoy my stage and then let others feel the energy in it, rather than doing this stage to please the audience." ”
At the end of the dialogue, when asked about the final goal of the group, Lian Huaiwei's answer was very euphemistic, "definitely standing in a higher position", when asked again whether it was the central position, Lian Huaiwei was silent for a while, as if he was gathering courage, and finally gave an affirmative answer, "Of course! It was more like a heartfelt cry.
What about after the group? Lian Huaiwei did not give a clear answer in the interview, but perhaps his original intention was the answer itself.
Everything ahead is still unknown, but Lian Huaiwei found his direction in this journey, and the rest is left to fate and time.