1
This season's "Strange Story" has a debate: when I meet a bear child in a public place, his parents are indifferent, should I educate them?
This question makes all parents nervous: even such a popular variety show, they all take the bear child out as a topic of discussion, what does this mean?
It shows that the bear child has become a new type of disaster in the eyes of the public, indicating that the world's bitter bear children have been dead for a long time!
What makes parents even more so sad is the discussion point of this debate: "Should I educate them?"
Who is the spearhead? Parent of a bear child.
Yes, the reason why bear children are hated is because there are bear parents who blindly indulge in doting and ignore the trouble caused by others.
So "if you don't educate, sooner or later someone will educate you" - not only bear children are being educated, but also the parents of bear children.
2
A few years ago, we also clearly agreed: bear children should be managed, and parents cannot fail to act.
But what is a bear child who needs discipline?
Peeing in elevators, vandalizing public facilities, kicking front chairs in movie theaters... This kind of bear that does not know the normal norms and does not know the safety boundary, parents must manage, otherwise it will harm others and harm themselves.
But now, we see that things have changed: crusades against bear children and bear parents have become the absolutely right thing to do.
And this "rightness" is constantly magnified, too many unmarried and childless young people make "anti-bear children" more and more extreme -
Some time ago, a mother and a young couple quarreled on the plane.
Because the child is uncomfortable with the cabin, the mother can't stop the child's crying. The young couple who were noisy kept shouting loudly for her to "take care of the child", and in the dispute, the mother's sentence "You don't have a child if you have the ability" was instantly on the hot search.
In thousands of comments, such voices appeared many times:
"Is it great to have a baby?
Why should a baby be taken on a plane when he is so young? If you can't help it, don't take it out.
It is your fault to take the door out and disturb others, and it is better not to apologize or to intimidate others. ”
But know, the kid who kept crying was just a baby! It would have been impossible for him to control his behavior.
And in the video, the collapsed mother also repeatedly stressed: "I have been managing ah, ask so many people whether I have been managing!" However, coaxing has no effect, does this mother not know in her heart that it is disturbing everyone?
For her, she was even more heart-wrenching than others: the child was uncomfortable crying, but she couldn't help the baby.
She must be the one who wants the child to stop crying, and the one who does not want the child to be blamed the most must be her. Maybe she took her child on an airplane for the first time, maybe she didn't expect her child to react so much to the pressure in the cabin, and she didn't expect the scene to become so out of control.
But because of the child's instinctive crying reaction, because her efforts did not work, she was rightfully asked to "not go out" and "should not take the child on a plane" and "should not take the child on a plane"
Does this really make sense?
3
Taking children out of the house, which is a trivial matter that is not ordinary, has put parents on the back of heavy emotional pressure.
The child's louder, noisier, and livelier nature makes us frightened: will it disturb others? Will it be rejected? Will it be photographed and posted online as a negative teaching material?
It seems that something must be done to the child, a little disapproval must be expressed, and a due shame and self-blame must be shown to show that they are not the irresponsible "bear parents".
A mother named "Lemon" said that once she took the whole family out to play, and one day accidentally missed the nap point, and the child began to stir up all kinds of nonsense because of tiredness.
At that time, the child was only 3 years old, and anyone who had been a mother knew what a terrible disaster it was for a child at this stage to wake up.
No matter how adults coax, how to persuade and how to comfort, children still can't calm down.
It was only a few tens of meters away from where she went out to take a taxi, but she just couldn't walk over it -- she couldn't let her hug, she couldn't even touch it, and she lay on the ground.
More and more people were watching, and more and more pointing, Lemon said, feeling that the strings in his brain at that time "snapped" and broke.
She could only pick up the shoes that the child had thrown away, forcibly pick up the child who was kicking and kicking, and rush to the side of the road with a loud shout.
"At that time, I was probably very much like a human trafficker."
But when she got in the car and saw the child who was carried to sleep in a second, Lemon regretted it in particular: "She is only 3 years old, she is just sleepy and tired, and there is nothing wrong with it, why should I scold her like this?" ”
The "performative discipline" that parents were forced out of, even @han Meimei, who had never given birth to a child, felt it:
She once sat in a car with a little girl in her 2 years old who kept crying. The child's mother coaxed her to coax her for half a day, and suddenly broke out, scolding loudly: "Are there any of you like this?" You look at the other kids in the car who are so well-behaved. I don't want to take you out next time! ”
Then he said in dialect: I am really ashamed to die.
Han Meimei understood that the mother's anger and reprimand were actually scolded to the people in the car who were looking at them.
4
"It's too humiliating for the baby to cry in public" "The reproachful eyes of passers-by are like knives" "Take the baby out for a day, half a lifetime of sorry is over"...
If parents feel guilty because of their children's normal mood swings and behavior at this age, if children and parents who go in and out of public places are naturally discriminated against and "shouted and killed". Well, these manifestations of ours have deviated from the level that a mature society should have.
The host Zhu Youting has lived in Hong Kong, China for many years, and is currently living in Finland with a baby, and the child is only more than 2 years old. In the documentary "Childhood in aNother Country", she compares her feelings with her baby like this:
In public in Hong Kong, mothers are always nervous, thinking that their children should not argue, do not make trouble, do not break things. Bringing a baby is seen as a "distraction to others" and the mom needs to feel guilty;
But in Finland, a country where education index and happiness are the first, "the mother is the biggest".
Here, the little baby cries in public, and everyone will not scold you with strange eyes, but feel that this is the most normal thing.
5
No one can only raise children in their own two-bedroom apartment, raising children is a complex, difficult and great thing, not only the efforts of parents, but also a little more understanding.
A society without bear children is not achieved by adding emotional baggage to parents and "letting parents with children disappear from public places".
Teacher Li Yue'er, the director of Ba Gakuen, once said: "Raising children requires such a determination: to help children grow into a very lovely person, the intention of being accepted by society, coupled with the right action, this determination is called love." ”
How a child learns to queue up and not to argue with others, what he needs to see is that everyone is queuing up and everyone is polite, rather than an adult running over to accuse the child and the mother of yelling at him, "Don't argue."
"Education" is not the same as "lessons", it requires more understanding and inclusion.
And as a mom, we also have to remind ourselves that the most important thing for me is to help my children, not to respond to their eyes.