I'm afraid I won't find a way to spend my life that I like

Wen meiya

1 Rich is still the same as living an ordinary life

Once, on a business trip, a developer asked us to do an activity and arrange to stay in a super five-star hotel, and the lobby of the hotel was described in eight words: "Golden splendor, like a palace." I live alone in a luxurious queen room with a delicate vase on the bedside table and a fresh calla lily in the middle. The toilet seat in the bathroom is always warm, and there are several buttons that adjust the amount of water to rinse, and the drying function. Fortunately, I have seen a more luxurious toilet introduction in the book "The Grace of the Hedgehog" before (there is a surround sound above the head when the button is flushed, and you will play music) Otherwise, I guess I would be frightened by those features and constipation. Standing in the middle of the room, I couldn't help but interpret the exaggerated and awkward lines of the international chapter in the movie "Jasmine Blossom" (the script is adapted from Su Tong's novel "Women's Life"): "Ah, such a good room, such a high-class toilet room, and such a soft sleeping bed, ah..."

On this day, I was so excited, not only did I experience a handful of luxury, but also vaguely found the purpose of life: "If I can live in such a place in this life, I will be very happy, well, I want to fight for this goal, this is the life I want!" 」 ”

I fell asleep with the excitement of finding a direction and purpose in life, and when I woke up the next morning and lifted the quilt, I found that I had slept on only a small part of the large bed, only a fifth of the sheets were wrinkled, and the other four-fifths of the white sheets were still flat and brand new, I caressed it with my hand, and then decided to lie down for a while in a place where I had never slept (the temperament of the dick was suddenly pouring out like the gushing water of the Yangtze River).

The breakfast buffet that day was priced at 288 yuan, full of all kinds, and I ate the same thing at home: a bowl of white porridge, two small meat buns, a few small cuts of fritters, a plate of pickles, and a cup of yogurt.

All day I thought about a question: Even if one day, I do become rich, will I really be happier than I am now? I still only sleep in places that big and eat those simple breakfasts. My needs don't seem to increase, in fact, I need very little, in addition to these, what else do I want? You see, in just one day, I was lost again, from a life with a clear goal to not knowing what I really wanted.

Last year I knew a landlady. First of all, she looks very beautiful, 35 years old, beautiful appearance, smooth and tight skin on the face, blow bombs can be broken, the four or two flesh on the chest have not sagged at all, the waist circumference has been maintained at 24 for many years, a gorgeous dress, the temperament is outstanding; secondly, her family is very happy, the husband who has opened several companies loves her very much, is gentle and generous to her, will give her gifts every holiday, and there is a daughter who attends kindergarten and looks very cute; finally she has a successful career, running a hundred-person company with an annual profit of more than ten million. In the eyes of outsiders, she is really happy, everyone will envy her life, she is the object of envy and hatred of everyone, but one day she actually said to me on the Internet: "I often feel that life is very desperate, really desperate." ”

My friend's friend Mr. Zhang is a big boss in Taiwan, his father founded a big company, he counted the rich second generation of his father's business, and his wealth exceeded 100 million. The 50-year-old flies around factories in Taiwan, Chinese mainland, Vietnam, Singapore and other places every month, traveling and traveling, eating, drinking and playing, and looks very dashing. Once a friend invited him to dinner and chatted during the dinner, and he said that he felt very confused and tired, and did not know what he was going to do next. The passion for doing business has faded a lot, and I can never find the passion to work hard when I was young. Then he talked about the experience of one of his trips. Once he was traveling in Yangshuo, met a wandering artist playing African drums, he watched each other perform for a long time, and then the two people chatted, he knew that this tramp was very free, had been to many places, he was very envious of each other, especially wanted to put down his work and wander with him, he felt that this was the life he wanted to live. The second time he went to Yangshuo, he went to that street to find the wandering artist, but he never met again, and his heart was lost.

2 There is only one kind of heroism, that is, to love life after recognizing the truth of life

Lately I took a very serious look at a book, Cunningham's Moments of Time, about three women: Virginia Woolf, a genius writer in London in the 1920s, Mrs. Brown, a housewife living in California after World War II, Clarissa, and a publishing editor in New York in the 1990s. The structure of the novel is undoubtedly very innovative, using the correlation of "Mrs. Dalloway" to put three women of different ages and different families in the same time dimension, using parallel narratives, one chapter to tell a woman, staggered, full of rhythmic beauty. But in my opinion, the form is not the most important, the content of the book is, many people say that feminism, female values, lesbianism and the like, I think its theme is not limited to the group of women, but more grand, about life, about the essence of life, and how to love it after recognizing the essence of life.

Woolf left a suicide note to her husband: "I am sure that I am going insane again: I feel that we cannot experience such a terrible moment again." After leaving the house, she filled her heavy coat pockets with stones and walked toward the heart of the river. Her body flowed down with the water, eventually blocked by the stakes of a bridge, her back to the river, her face pressed against the stone, and then a mother and son passed by the bridge.

Laura Brown had just bought her husband a birthday present and baked a birthday cake with her three-year-old son, and she had another little life in her belly. Before her husband could return, she entrusted her son to the care of a neighbor, drove out alone, rented a single room in the hotel with trepidation, and then lay in bed reading Mrs. Dalloway, thinking that death was so easy, like booking a single room in a hotel.

Clarissa hosts a gala for her AIDS-stricken ex-boyfriend, poet Thomas, celebrating his winning an important poetry prize, but witnesses Thomas commit suicide by jumping off a building that night and then watches his body unsure of what to do.

Ostensibly, the reason for their suicide was that Woolf had depression, and she had collapsed several times before, and this time she felt unable to bear it any longer; Laura Brown was trapped in the role of housewife, and family life made her feel suffocated; Thomas was terminally ill and unable to show her talents. What actually makes them commit suicide is that they are trapped in life and tired of life.

Among the friends I follow are several columnists, one of whom I often see in Shanghai Weekly. One day he sent a radio: "Now I live a life of wanting to die every day" Some bean friends advised him to take a good rest, he added: "It is completely a kind of life, deep, deep tiredness..." I can especially understand this emotion, I think I am a positive and optimistic person, but I still have the emotion of boundless disgust with life from time to time. I guess everyone else is the same, is there anyone who has never been tired of life? I think that when a person is tired of living, he needs to die once, this period is very painful, if he survives, he will continue to live, and if he can't survive, he will commit suicide. The ancient Roman philosopher Seneca two thousand years ago said: "Life is constantly learning to survive, and life is constantly learning death." "You need to see through the essence of life again and again, and learn death again and again, in order to survive well."

For a long time, I always thought that when one day I became extraordinary, such as having a lot of wealth and an enviable reputation, I no longer had to face ordinary life, just like Clarissa met a movie star on the street in "All the Time", longing for her to be as extraordinary as a star and live a dazzling life. At that time, I will no longer be trapped in the trivialities of life, boredom, nausea, filth, exhaustion, stress, boredom, sorrow, pain, nothingness... My life must be full of glamour, joy, pleasure, comfort, tranquility, happiness... But I now understand that no matter how hard I try, even if I have both fame and fortune, I still can't get rid of ordinary life, as long as I am born as a person, I am trapped in life, and even trapped in a happy life, such as the beautiful boss I know. In fact, all of us are trapped in life, by this limited time and soon no longer youthful flesh, by all forms of responsibility, large and small, by pressure from all sides, by the trivialities, boredoms, disgusting, filthy things of life...

It's not so much that I'm afraid of being an ordinary person, but rather that I'm afraid of life, that I'm afraid of not finding a way to live my life that I like, that I don't know what life I want.

When I have to face the annoying little things in my material life, when I need to take on work responsibilities and want to escape, when I have to face people I don't like and pretend to be enthusiastic, I always keep telling myself in my heart: "This is life, you don't have to be afraid of life!" ”

Shakespeare's poem is quoted in "All the Time": "Don't be afraid of the hot sun, and don't be afraid of the raging winter." "I understand it to not be afraid of everything in life, whether it is good or bad. If we are not afraid of life, we will not be afraid of everything, including death, because death is also a part of life.

Woolf said, "Dear Renard, face life head-on, always face life, understand its true meaning, always understand it, love its essence, and then, give it up." ”

Thoreau said, "Life has no value unless you choose and give it value." There is no place where happiness exists unless you bring happiness to yourself. "I used to think that the pursuit of happiness and happiness is the first meaning of life, and then I gradually understood that happiness and happiness are not the most important things in life, but the meaning is." Seeking and building meaning, living for meaning, can help you go through life and live a meaningful life, especially in an era where information is updated quickly, full of choices and temptations.

Romain Rolland said: "There is only one kind of heroism, that is, to love life after recognizing the truth of life." But the hardest thing to do in this world is the four words "love life".

3 people, must choose a way of life and have the courage to stick with it.

Writing this I am reminded of the story of a fisherman:

"There was an American businessman sitting on the docks of a small fishing village off the coast of Mexico watching a Mexican fisherman row ashore in a small boat with several large yellowfin tuna. The American businessman complimented mexican fishermen on being able to catch such a high-end fish, and asked how long it would take to catch so much? The Mexican fisherman said that it took only a moment to catch it. The Americans asked again, why don't you stay longer and catch more fish? The Mexican fisherman was not impressed: these fish are enough for my family!

The American asked, "So what are you doing with so much time left in your day?"

Mexican Fisherman Explains: Me? Every day I slept until I woke up naturally, went out to sea to catch a few fish, came back to play with the children, took a nap with my wife, and at dusk went to the village to drink some wine and play guitar with my brothers. My days are full and busy!

The American did not think so, helped him come up with ideas, he said: I am a master of business administration from Harvard University in the United States, I can help you! You should spend more time every day catching fish, and then you will have the money to buy a bigger boat. Naturally you can catch more fish and buy more fishing boats. Then you can have a fleet of fishing boats.

Then you don't have to sell the fish to the fishmongers, but directly to the processing plant. Then you can open your own cannery. This gives you control over the entire production, processing and marketing. Then you can leave this small fishing village and move to Mexico City, then to Los Angeles, and finally to New York, where you can run your growing business.

The Mexican fisherman asked: How much time does this take?

The American answered: fifteen to twenty years.

The Mexican fisherman asked: And then what?

The American laughed and said, "Then you can be emperor at home!" When the time comes, you can declare your shares public, sell your company shares to the investment public, and then you will be released! You can earn hundreds of millions of dollars!

And then what?

The Americans say: Then you can retire! You can move to a small fishing village by the sea. Every day, I slept until I woke up naturally, went out to sea to catch a few fish, played with the children, took a nap with my wife, and at dusk, went to the village to drink some wine and play guitar with my brothers.

The Mexican fisherman said doubtfully: Isn't that what I am now? ”

Leaving aside Maslow's five hierarchy of needs theory (after people's physiological and security needs are met, they must develop higher-level needs, all the way to the pursuit of the highest level of self-realization) No one's choice in this story is right, whose choice is wrong, just different choices, different lives. Although the end points are the same – living a leisurely life in a small fishing village by the sea, the process is completely different. If you feel that being content with the status quo is what you want, then choosing a life that is content with the status quo will make you happy and satisfied, and if you are not willing to be mediocre and choose a path of change, progress and struggle, you will also feel happy in the process of pursuing. The so-called success may be to live according to the lifestyle you want. The worst state is when you want to choose a path that is not willing to be mediocre, change, enterprising and struggle, but live in a way that is content with the status quo, and finally complain that you have not got the life you want!

People, must choose a way of life and have the courage to stick to it.

But do you know what you want? Can you tell the truth?

Public number: Ten o'clock reading

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