Recently, Han Han was called a parent again.
As soon as Han Han, who had returned from school, entered the office, threw his bag on the table with his hand, instantly fell on the table, and sobbed quietly.
It turned out that Han Han had talked to the child many times that his homework should be completed on time, and today the teacher said that he did not do his homework. By the way, the teacher is all kinds of complaints, disobedience in the classroom, mischievous, the teacher does not listen, the teacher does not answer how to ask questions, etc., on similar issues.
In fact, Han Han has been communicating with the child, but the effect is not great, one thing said many times, simply can not enter the child's heart, say more, the child will return to you a word of annoyance.
While complaining bitterly, Han Han sighed, why are the obedient children of other people's families, how can their own children be so disobedient?
Do you think something is wrong with your child? No, there are no disobedient children, only parents who can't speak.
The book "High Emotional Intelligence Chat" tells you that it is no longer difficult to read the child's mind and make the child obedient in the following three aspects.
01 Communicate with your child, talk less and listen more.
First of all, when communicating with your child, you should talk less and listen more.
Listening is the premise of effective communication with children, parents should take the initiative to listen to their children's consciousness, to understand the child's happiness, grievances and so on.
When communicating with their children, many parents often only care about their own "free speech", feeling that they say that the child is listening to communication, which is actually blocking the child's ears and making them shut up.
For example, as mentioned earlier, she is a teacher, influenced by professional habits, it is easy to treat children as their own students when communicating with children, generally she says, children listen, simple answers yes or no. If the answer is not, really repeat your own words, and when the child answers yes, the conversation will be over.
The child is only a receiver from beginning to end, can only passively accept information, such communication is ineffective, and in the long run, it will evolve into the most common mistake - preaching. Children also have the desire to communicate and hope that their words will be listened to well.
On the contrary, if you really communicate with your child, instead of saying it yourself, you make a serious listening appearance and respond at the right time, really? It's so funny, go on, I'd love to know the results. Children feel that their parents care, and they will be willing to say what they feel in their hearts. So when communicating with your child, pay attention to talking less and listening more, and be a serious listener.
02 Communicate with your child and pay attention to the tone of speech
When you learn to listen carefully, you open the door to communication with your child, and the next step is to pay attention to your tone when communicating with your child.
True communication is based on equality, and with equality, there is respect.
In real life, parents rarely get along with their children on an equal footing, always standing in the perspective of "educators" and speaking to their children in a commanding tone. For example, at home, you often hear voices like, "Go and put away the dishes on the table," "Hurry up and write your homework," and "Dry the floor after taking a shower." Obviously, sometimes children are very willing to do these things, but once they hear the tone of this command, they have no motivation.
Instead, if you say something like, "Help mom put away the dishes on the table, okay?" "I'd like to see you finish your homework by 8 o'clock, can I?" The child will feel that you are asking him, discussing with him, he is equal before you, such feelings are completely different, and he is more willing to listen to you and do as you say.
In order to make the child willing to listen to you, usually pay attention to the tone of their own speech, use less "you want", "you should", "you can't" and other command tones, and use more "Can you?" "I hope" and other consultations, entrusted tones, so that children and you stand on an equal footing to communicate and respect each other.
03 Promise children things that must be done
If you learn to listen and communicate with your child on an equal footing, the last step is to promise your child that you must do what you promise, and be a person who believes what you say.
If language is the bridge that builds parent-child communication, then teaching by example is a tool to reach the child's heart.
In daily life, we often see many parents in order to make their children obedient, they coax that they come back from work to buy a snack for their children, and as a result, the children obediently wait until their mothers leave work, but the mother says that they have forgotten, tomorrow to make up, and the result is that tomorrow they still forget; in order to encourage the children to study well, they promised to make progress in the exam, give him a mobile phone, and as a result, the child studies hard to meet the requirements of the mother, and the mother feels that the mobile phone will affect the learning and does not give.
Once in a while, the child may believe, but after a long time, he may no longer believe you, and even be disappointed in the parents' deception, and lose the desire to communicate with you. Therefore, the things promised to the child must be done, even if it is only a small thing, you have done it, the child will feel that you care about him, put him in his heart, and he is more willing to believe you and is more willing to communicate with you.
What you promise your child to do is the guarantee for long-term good communication between you and your child, and parents should teach by example.
The book "High Emotional Intelligence Chat" tells us that family education is not a simple one-way process of "parent education for children", but a two-way interaction process between parents and children, and real communication is based on equality. If you can listen carefully, communicate with the child to pay attention to your own tone, and promise the child that you can do it, I believe you can also go into the child's heart, communicate with the child on an equal footing, and get along with each other.