The Stanford Research Center once published a survey report: 12.5% of the money a person earns comes from knowledge, and the other 87.5% comes from interpersonal relationships.
Among the many factors required for success, compared with birth, talent, intelligence, and perseverance, what we can control most is actually the small thing of "speaking".
The life in your mouth is your life. To speak well is to change one's destiny.
Smart people know how to raise a rich mouth. For, the mouth is like a piggy bank, the mouth is rich, the blessing comes from itself; the mouth spits out a lotus, and the rich and noble are born.
Confucius said in the Analects of Ji:
There are three kinds of regrets in serving a gentleman: impatience in terms of words, hidden in words, and blind when not seeing color.
Before the words have been spoken, you have come out to express your opinion, which is called sloppiness; when the words are all said here, you should have naturally said them downwards, but you have swallowed and kept them hidden, which is called having something to say; without looking at the faces of others, you open your mouth and say, This is called blindness.
People who can talk know how to take measures.
After Qian Zhongshu's death, Fei Xiaotong, who had a crush on Yang Dai in his early years, came to visit.
When they were separated, Mr. Fei frequently turned back and clinged to it. Yang Dai said lightly: "The stairs are not easy to walk, you should not go up again in the future." ”
A gentle word, farewell to Mr. Fei Lao, but also let him completely die of heart.
When communicating with people, a sense of proportion is very important, and over-pandering and rejecting are the next strategy. The essence of speaking well is to be able to express your own thoughts and take care of the other person's feelings.
Zi Yue, "A gentleman is sensitive to things and cautious in his words." ”
The sentence we speak is not only a simple combination of Chinese characters, but also a true expression of a person's inner emotions.
People who can talk can always express sincere care in measured language.
Speaking properly is an art, but also a top-level emotional intelligence.
In the fortieth tooth card order of "Dream of the Red Chamber", it is written:
Dai Yu ordered the wine and said two poems from "Peony Pavilion" and "West Chamber". Bao Chao listened, looked back, did not expose it on the spot, but found Daiyu afterwards and told her in a way that layer by layer -
First of all, considerate: first admit that I have seen it myself, and I have seen Daiyu's face.
You are who I am, and I am also a mischievous person. From the age of seven or eight, it is enough to be personally entangled.
After that is empathy: we've all been there, you're not alone, don't be afraid.
Our family is also a family of readers, and my grandfather also loved to collect books. In the early days, there were many people, and the sisters and brothers were all in one place, and they were afraid to read the canonical books. The brethren also have poems and words, such as these "West Chamber", "Pipa" and "One Hundred Kinds of Yuanren", all of which are everything. They are sneaking behind our backs, but we are also sneaking behind their backs. Later, the adults knew, beat, scolded, burned, and then thrown away.
Final advice: Only by reading good books can we be reasonable, and in the big world, it is a rich country and a peaceful people; for a small person, it is to help others. But there are very few people who can do this, men are not yet good, we still don't want it. These words were sincerely for Daiyu's good.
So our girls don't recognize the words. Men don't read unconscionably, and it's not as good as not reading, let alone you and me. Even things such as writing poetry and writing are not within the responsibility of you and me, nor are they within the responsibility of men. Men read and are sensible, and they help the country to govern the people, and this is good. It's just that I don't hear such people now, and it's even worse to read books. It was a book that had misled him, but unfortunately he had also collapsed the book, so it was better to cultivate and buy and sell, but there was no great harm. You and I should only do some needlework weaving things, but I can recognize the words, I can recognize the words, but I am just picking the serious ones, and I am most afraid of seeing some miscellaneous books and moving my temperament, and I am irredeemable.
In a word, Dai Yu was eating tea with her head down, and her heart was dark, and there was only one word to promise "yes".
After this incident, Dai Yu slowly let go of her previous guard against Bao Chao, and the two of them married Jinlan.
Truly intelligent people, no matter what the occasion, will take into account the feelings of others. They will always observe the color of the speech, capture each other's emotions at the first time, and then compare their hearts to their hearts for the sake of others.
What can really be closer is not to meet the intention, but to think in a different position, to build a bridge of understanding between you and the other party with the empathy of letting go of the posture.
The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates said, "God has given man two ears and two eyes, but only one, so that he may hear more and speak less." ”
If you pay a little attention, you will find that a well-known person is usually not because of how humorous and talkative he is, but because he can quietly listen to everyone finish their words.
In December 1916, Cai Yuanpei became the president of Peking University. In order to reform the old bureaucratic habits of Peking University, Cai Yuanpei boldly hired a group of intellectuals with a sense of innovation to supplement the teaching team of Peking University, including Hu Shi, who returned from studying in the United States.
When he first entered Peking University, Hu Shi felt a lot of pressure, after all, Peking University was the first university in China at that time. Cai Yuanpei knew that Hu Shi would be a little nervous, so he came to Hu Shi's house the night before Hu Shi took the stage to give a lecture.
Sure enough, as soon as Elder Cai sat down, Hu Shi said stand-up comedy with all his might: What should I do if I can't talk well? What should I do if the student is not active? ......
And Elder Cai just patiently listened to him finish speaking, and only said sincerely before leaving: "I hired you to come to Peking University, that is, I trust you." ”
Whenever Hu Shi thought about this, he was grateful to Cai Yuanpei, because Cai Yuanpei had been listening that night.
Li Shangyin wrote in the poem "Untitled": The heart has a spirit and a sharp point.
Bai Juyi also wrote in "Pipa Line": At this time, silence is better than sound.
Sometimes, silence is more moving than sound.
Learning to listen is a great respect for others, but also a manifestation of genuine concern for others, and the truly wise successful people are those who know how to listen.
People always need two abilities in this life: good speech and emotional stability.
The world's recognized person who can "speak well", Tsai Kangyong, his way of speaking is no longer a skill, but an art.
He said, "My way of speaking is to take you to heart." ”
Cai Kangyong's way of speaking comes from the good education of his childhood, from the books he has read, the roads he has traveled, and the accumulation of his career for so many years.
He deeply knows the importance of putting others in his heart, just like Xiao S said: "Chatting with Kang Yongge will never be stabbed, and he will be amused by the small praise or two that comes with him, but he feels so sincere, not slippery, and it is difficult for people not to love!" ”
Speaking is not an easy task. In communication, most people are always eager to express themselves, but they don't understand each other at all.
Two years to learn to speak, a lifetime to learn to shut up. Talking every day is not necessarily what they say; many people have spoken all their lives without saying a few words.
Understand or not, don't say much. Confused, speak slowly.
Adults do good, starting with speaking well.