Author: Cui Xuan Typography: Luo Mengqian Color number: Yamabuki tea Movie: "Mr. Sweetheart"
01
The little walnut soaked in the bathtub, soaked halfway, and suddenly said that he wanted to squeeze some bubble bath into it.
"No, no, no bubble bath, no bubble bath, no bubble bath." I hurried to stop it.
"But our new bubble bath has never worked." He picked up the bottle with delight.
"Next time I'll soak it."
"But I think there are a lot of bubbles today!" He had opened the cap.
"No, you can't!" I said no!" I doubled my voice,
In the face of the bubbles that are about to be acquired, it is obvious that my big voice is useless. If it weren't for the fact that I was doing laundry and foaming in one hand, I would have rushed up with an arrow and snatched the bottle.
I struggled one last time, "Baby, the shower in the bath is broken, after each bubble bath, I have to fish you out and rinse in the shower room, but today you have a cold, and the weather is particularly cold, I am afraid that you will freeze during this process." So let's wait until you have a cold, and then take a bubble bath?"
I pressed the fire and said with patience, completely hopeless: he would definitely still squeeze out a lot of bubbles and make the whole bathroom. I sighed in my heart.
What I didn't expect was that he said to me, "Then tomorrow I'm going to make a lot of bubbles, Mom, can you fix the shower tomorrow?" Just in case I catch a cold next time."
I stayed for at least half a minute before saying, "Okay."
He was satisfied and put the bottle back in place.
When I received the water and prepared to rinse my clothes, I looked at myself in the mirror, why was it so grumpy just now? (Like) a grumpy middle-aged woman. After thinking about it carefully, I gave myself three explanations:
I don't think he'll listen to me and has no interest in trying.
It is troublesome to explain the whole ins and outs clearly, and there is no patience to deal with it.
My needs are completely reasonable, how can you not listen! No reason!
"Then why do you ask people to meet your needs unconditionally?" You really don't make sense!" I laughed at myself in my heart.
It reminds me of the other day at the company, when a teddy bear ran into the office: "They're on a date again, they're always stuck with me!" ——She is talking about cooperation with the partner, but the agreed resources have not been implemented.
"No, our course sales have increased, which is good for both parties, why do they want to card you?" We can discuss together where the win-win point for both sides is, and it should be promoted." Emily didn't understand.
"How do I know, I have made it very clear that I will not be deducted from performance." 」 Teddy bears are extremely aggrieved, and it can be seen that they have been patient, but people are always partners, and it is not easy to lose their temper. But this grievance will always erupt in various other forms in her heart—for example, she just cried with Shirley and felt that it was difficult to fight for the resource position, "This job is too hard."
I suspect that there are three reasons for her embarrassment:
I said that no matter how much it is useless, people are Party A, and they will not listen to me. It's better to shut up. It's too much trouble to think about how to achieve a win-win situation. My needs are completely reasonable, how can you prevaricate like this four times!
Almost the same as my own.
You see those of us who are always emotional, either angry or very aggrieved.
02
Once I saw a friend post a message in the circle of friends, "I met a bear child on the high-speed train, and the sound of hip-hop was loud, how should I spend 5 hours?"
I couldn't resist leaving a message, "Did you tell your child directly?" Please whisper to him?"
"I told my mother if I could make the child quieter, and the sisters said that the child was useless, and it was really a bear child who must have a bear parent!!!." She seconds back. As you can see from the 3 exclamation points, the anger value is soaring.
"Don't try again?"
"There's nothing to try." Count me unlucky." She gave up. I suspect that for the next 5 hours of the journey, she will be upset all the way - she could have brushed up on the drama, slept, and had a rare relaxing time, which was a pity for her.
I remembered that this summer, we had a meeting in the café, chatting and chatting, rushing up to a few little boys around 5 years old, looking at a swivel chair next to us, jumping up and down happily, and emitting silver bells... Harsh laughter – If you're concentrating on work or talking about things, even the most beautiful laughter from your child is a disaster.
Unfortunately there were no other empty tables, otherwise we could have changed places. Now I can only talk with my throat. At this time, Li Songwei stood up and walked to the front of the children and squatted down: "Can you please do me a favor and go to play somewhere else?" We're in a meeting." He said it so plainly.
The children looked at each other, and one of them pointed to the swivel chair, "But there is no such chair anywhere else."
"Then I'll help you move it somewhere else, okay?"
The next second, the children actually disappeared.
"Aren't you afraid of rejection?" I asked him.
"Why are they rejecting me?" Li Songwei said.
I do not know. Children, troublemakers, children don't listen to adults, do you need any reason?
"I don't want to say no, I need them to do me a favor, so I'll talk about it."
I think it's funny, what is the difference between him and the friend who met the "bear child" on the high-speed train?
The friend did not communicate directly with the child from beginning to end, probably because he decided that it was useless to communicate with the child.
He told the child's mother, and the mother told the child again. How do you say that? It was probably "quieter" that didn't work, so he stopped talking and thought, "It's really useless."
There was no further talk, no request, no bargaining. In his heart, there was a very irritating sense of frustration. What is the nature of frustration? Maybe he thought he should have been able to control everything, why did I say it all, or didn't you listen? And I can't beat you, I can't use any means I'm good at to force you to obey. I am such a big person, restrained by you little guy, but there is nothing I can do.
So annoying!
I think many of us will shut up and avoid this frustration.
03
I watched a video of Huang Zhizhong, the best debater in "Strange Story", he said what is negotiation, and the meaning of negotiation is that the power lies on both sides.
For example, the old lady buys vegetables in the market, the seller says 10 yuan a pound, and the big lady says that it is too expensive and too expensive for 5 yuan. Two people come and go, this one down a little, that one up a little. No one said anything about this, because the vegetable seller has vegetables in his hands, and the eldest lady has money in her hands.
This is called negotiation.
Remembering that I was in the market watching my mother bargaining,
"It's cheaper, 8 yuan a pound."
"No, no, no, 8 yuan I have to lose." Just 12."
"No, I've seen it, and the price next door is the same."
"That's different, how fresh I am, the purchase price is different."
"That can't be so expensive, I come every day, buy more than a few times, you can earn it all."
"Big sister, health is the most important thing, right, we can't lose anything in the mouth, you say yes, health is priceless." You come every day, you must know, the whole vegetable farm, I take the most expensive goods, why, the quality is good."
My mom seemed to have been moved and was ready to pay for it.
"It's going to be dark, you won't sell it out today, and you won't even be able to sell 5 pieces tomorrow." Well, two pounds 20, I buy you two pounds, you are refreshing and refreshing!" 」
Sister Wang's foot at the door is beautiful, and I am holding back a smile on the side.
Sure enough, the vegetable seller looked at the sky and weighed it sharply to collect money.
No one felt aggrieved, no one was angry, no one felt inferior, and in the end everyone was overjoyed, and both of them went back to their respective homes with joy. ——Oh, forgot to explain, Sister Wang was the company's sales champion that year, and she was a good hand at running business. Her famous quote is, "Talk, exchange."
Ma Weiwei, another best debater of "Strange Story", said in an interview that their team discussed the topic of selection and debate, that is, endless arguments, laying out the facts and reasoning, she joked that in the end, it was to fight for physical strength, to see who could not compete, and finally gave up. Although it is a joke, you can see that there is a gesture inside, called "equality".
I have also met such partners and colleagues. One of the most difficult agreements to talk about this year has been talked about for nearly half a year, meeting and talking, talking on the phone, and on the plane to Hawaii for vacation, the agreement is also being changed. The other party talked about every detail, and I tried to hold on to the key clauses as much as possible to discuss them repeatedly. Except for talking about throwing away the computer in the middle of the night and yelling that it will not be done (and will be obediently returned to the computer in 5 minutes), there is basically no emotion, because we have always believed that we are working together for a common goal: to negotiate a project, and this "cooperation" method is called negotiation. We are not opposed.
After the agreement was signed, I became the closest partner with the team on this project. Once I joked with the other person, "I thought that after negotiating the agreement, we would not be in contact with each other." He smiled and said, "Don't you think that if it is a successful negotiation, every idea will be brought to the table to communicate, no one will be wronged by anyone, it is a contest of intelligence, the deepest communication." It's called chess against the opponent."
Back on "Bathroom Negotiation Night," I might be able to say to myself at the time:
If this matter is important to you, be sure to talk about it, open your mouth, and don't oppose yourself to the other party in your heart. If you have the mentality of "he will definitely not agree", before you open your mouth, you will fail halfway.
Respect your opponent, negotiate such a high IQ thing, even for children, don't be lazy, show some sincerity, what you need, why does he want to give you, think clearly, and then talk about exchange.
Your needs are reasonable, but it is not a big thing, and people may not be able to see it, so you must first find ways to explain your needs; but people also have the needs of others, find the intersection of the needs of both sides.
It's a bit of a long-winded, isn't it, it's actually quite simple: welcome to the adult society, want to get what you want, whether it's a tough partner, a picky boss, or a disobedient child, trying to turn everything into grocery shopping — you have money, he has a dish, but it's just a pleasant exchange.
How do you negotiate with others?
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