Cultivate the most interesting and practical psychology every day
Hello everyone, here is the "first psychology" class, have you ever thought about a question, what to do if you meet someone you like more after falling in love? When a certain intimate relationship develops to a certain point, the two parties have basically understood each other and entered a relatively stable state, the sense of novelty will gradually fade, the passion will be reduced, and there will even be some small contradictions and small quarrels.
At this time, if you meet a seemingly good opposite sex, plus you have some good feelings in the process of getting along, you will unconsciously compare this opposite sex with your partner, thinking about whether your partner is inferior to others, why does the newly recognized opposite sex make you more moved?
Some people will have a strong sense of self-blame after having this idea. It is immoral and incorrect to think that you have a partner and think of others. This kind of psychology is more common after marriage, and some people will think that they have cheated mentally, so they begin to blame themselves.
In fact, we don't have to think that we are "scum" to the extreme, caught in endless self-blame, we can look at it from another angle, why do we have this psychology, how is our love loyalty in the end?
Incomplete cognition
First, this psychology often stems from an incomplete perception. For the opposite sex you come into contact with, you may find that this person is simply much better than the partner you chose, why didn't you meet him earlier. However, this feeling of yours may not be correct.
Because you have access to your partner every day, you are also quite clear about your partner's words and deeds. After getting along for a long time, you may find some of your partner's shortcomings that you don't like very much, and sometimes you will argue over a little thing, which makes you feel very tired.
For a certain member of the opposite sex you are in contact with, the reason why you feel that the other person is good is because your time and opportunity to contact him are limited. You can't get along with him as often as you do with your partner, and it's naturally difficult to spot the flaws in each other. The more perfect and suitable person you see in your eyes is actually only a part of your limited time together, and you don't know all about him.
Halo effect
And this kind of "halo effect" with partial generalization will make you have an illusion that the opposite sex you are in contact with is almost perfect, and you will be very speculative when you get along in the future. But your feelings are likely to be wrong, just like when you were in love, you will feel that the other party is good, but after a long time together, some problems will slowly be revealed.
In the same way, you currently feel that this opposite sex may be the real Prince Charming in your life, but as you get along further, this near-perfect feeling will also be shattered. Only by really touching in the daily life of chai rice oil and salt can we see who is really suitable for you.
Second, your love loyalty will be affected by how invested you are in the current relationship. There is a phenomenon in psychology, "The more you give and invest, the more immersed you will be." The same is true for the maintenance of feelings, the more time and thought you invest in this relationship, the more difficult it will be for you to get out of this relationship.
If you give a lot for your home, it will be difficult for you to fall in love with other people, and you will not abandon your current emotional foundation and devote yourself to a new relationship. So the more you pay for the relationship, the more loyal your love will be.
author
The First Psychological Writing Group | Magical little
Resources:
Introduction to Psychology
WeChat public account: the first psychology