You yell and scream at your child because you are "poor and busy"
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Yaya's mom guessed that if you did an online survey and asked each mother, when would the child feel most comfortable?
Because babies eat and sleep at that time, they eat when they sleep, so we don't have to worry too much, but as the children grow, our patience is more and more limited, and we often fall into a vicious circle yelling at the children, but it is a pity.
Yaya's mother said it was because of an incident that happened last night.
My friend Lily sent a WeChat message saying she was going out to dinner, and Yaya's mother was surprised. Since her big treasure and two treasures were born in succession, this once determined woman has basically left all social circles.
After a woman becomes a mother, this topic is absolutely inseparable from the child. Lily looked frustrated with dark circles around her eyes.
Sure enough, she said that since she became a mother, her temper had gotten worse and worse, and the child had involuntarily exploded, and although she didn't want to be like that, she couldn't control herself when she was born. wrath.
Yaya's mother believes that few mothers blow their hair like Lily, but sometimes I can't blame a woman for being grumpy because she's really tired after being a mother.
The most difficult job in the world is probably a Chinese mother.
From morning to late at night, we are on standby 24 hours a day, taking care not only of the family's chores, but also of the daily life of the children, picking them up and dropping off the children to and from school and checking their homework. 365 days a year, no breaks, no breaks, no personal time.
Honestly, so busy, no one can have a better temper!
Yaya's mother knew her mother's endless housework, endless heart, and disorganized chores.
Yaya's mother knew that her mother drove in the morning, rushed to dinner at noon, and rushed to the afternoon. When she got home, she was physically and mentally exhausted.
Yaya's mom knows that children refuse to eat, get up, refuse to brush their teeth, buy toys for death, go to bed late for death, snack for death, yell at their satisfaction, bully other children, litter and just wash a nice toy, obviously thin but still picky...
Yelling can be just a temporary thing.
But do you know the consequences of yelling at children, scolding children and beating children?
We summarize the opinions of our experts as follows:
● Consequence 1: The child is insecure and has a weak personality.
Consequence 2: The child's indecisiveness and lack of self-confidence.
● Consequence 3: The child becomes very emotional and loses his temper at every turn.
● Consequence 4: The child becomes better, but only likes to please others.
So, can we cope with all these emotions?
Of course
According to the theory mentioned in Rona Reiner's "No Roar, No Roar," the five steps of the A-B-C-D-E rule allow us to slowly relax before yelling.
A: Ask yourself (ASK) – How do you feel about yourself, what are your current thoughts, and can you change your current perception?
B: Exhale – Deep and slow breathing can help you adjust your mood before responding.
C: Calm down, replace angry thoughts with positive thoughts, and then communicate with your child until you calm down.
D: Decide what your child needs – what does your child need? Hugs or words of encouragement? What does his actions try to convey? Are expectations of him beyond his age?
E: Empathize – Listen to the child, empathize with his feelings and thoughts, and try to understand him so that he can better identify his needs.
After all, the reason Ya Ya's mother yells at her children is because her mother is "poor and busy"!
The "poverty" mentioned here is not "poverty" in the true sense, but a "poor" mentality.
For example, if Yaya carefully breaks a box of brand-new crayons, if Yaya's mother thinks about how much a box of crayons is worth, then breaking is equivalent to how much money is wasted. It's a "pathetic" mentality - always thinking about frugality, thinking about price and cost, and you can't help but stop your child's mannerisms and even yell at your child.
If you change your mindset: Crayons are certainly a painting tool, but it's a children's toy. It can be used to draw and of course to play. Breaking the activity of crayons can exercise the flexibility of children's small muscles.
If you think about it, you can calm down and ask Yaya why he broke the crayon and the rules he followed.
Maybe Bud will say: crayons are too long, so they must be broken, each crayon must be divided into three parts, and after breaking, the crayons will become more, and it is possible to match crayons of different colors beautifully...
Ya Ya Mom couldn't help but admire Ya Ya's fantastic ideas and even make more rules and play with him with crayons.
How to get rid of this "poor and busy" state?
01
Reduce your own chores
If you share the work with your husband, one will wash dishes, wash socks and pack clothes, while the other will urge and check the work. Wash clothes with a washing machine and sweep the floor with a sweeping robot. Buy food for a few days a day, or order takeout occasionally... So, will it free up a lot of time?
The mother has less to do, less anxiety, and she can better accompany her child.
02
Work with your kids
When the child is studying, the mother should sit in the book and study with the child, rather than sitting around and urging the child, this companionship not only makes the child feel that you value him, but also sets an example among the child.
At the same time, it also creates time for self-actualization. Growing up with kids is the most gentle company we can do.
03
Change your perception of money
The bits and pieces of life don't actually cost a lot of money and have no impact on family wealth, but can greatly improve the quality of life, in other words, the life experience.
So don't be reluctant to spend your money on things that can be solved with a small amount of money.
04
Fulfill every promise with the kids
This kid is actually very "real" and he will fulfill our vows. "Take you to an amusement park on the weekend", "Next time I go to the supermarket to buy toys for you", "Take you on a vacation abroad" ...
If the mother does not do this, the child's trust will gradually disappear, and even set a bad example for the child. When your child loses trust, you will remember that this is actually caused by yourself.
Commitments should be made according to your abilities. You can promise simple things like playing for half an hour today, watching TV for an hour tomorrow... Moms can keep their promises and achieve the purpose of companionship.
05
Chat with friends
Kids have trouble too. Take time out of your free time to chat with your child and hear what he thinks at this age. Sharing each other's time and happiness with your child is the best way to get close.
The more a mother demands of her child, the higher she demands of herself. The stress of life and the tense rhythm make you lose yourself.
Therefore, we must learn to relax. For parent-child relationships, we can't force our children so much, nor can we force ourselves like this. A harmonious parent-child relationship requires wisdom, and more importantly, we need to control the rhythm so that the child can grow up in a gentle atmosphere.
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