Have you all watched the finale of "Goodbye Lover" recently? As a person who chased from beginning to end, I really burst into tears after watching the last three issues.
Especially in the "Love 36 Question" issue, everyone is very sincere, when two people open their hearts and show their most vulnerable side, I found that a relationship has come to the end, women have been very clear about what they want, but men are still in confusion.
It can be said that in the ending, I saw a lot of "painful men" and also saw how unfortunate it was to be a "partner of a painful man".
First of all, Lao Wang, who is deeply involved in the "pua partner" controversy, what pains him the most is that his childhood is controlled by his mother, so that the experience he most hopes to change in his life is his childhood.
But when he grew up, he became the kind of person he hated the most who liked to control others.
Sociologist Shen Yifei analyzed Lao Wang and said that "he doesn't even love himself", and he is indeed the guest who feels the most pain and the most awkward life for me.
In the show, he often denies others, is called "nono king" (meaning always saying "no"), is emotionally unstable, sometimes peaceful and sometimes angry and frightening, all from childhood depression.
When he was a child, he was violently abused by the school and denied by his classmates, so when he had the right to speak, he would subconsciously deny others, and the same was true in his feelings.
He has no friends and has a bad relationship with his family, so he puts the pressure of "family, friend, and lover" on his partner and uses the expectations of these three relationships to impose on the same person.
A "painful woman" may have a crush on a "painful man", but Lao Wang's partner is a person who grew up in the palm of his mother's hand.
She did not understand Lao Wang's pain, and she could not heal him in her feelings and meet his expectations. Falling in love with Lao Wang also made her cognition of herself more and more blurred and painful.
Another "painful man" who longs to be healed by love is Zhang he.
He has always wanted to be understood by his lover and warmed by his lover because his parents were rarely around since he was a child, and his education was also very strict.
Therefore, in his feelings, his pain is reflected in closing the door of his heart while hoping to be opened by others.
In the plus version, Zhanghe's ex-wife said very bitterly: In fact, she has always wanted to open the door of his heart.
But giving is mutual, blindly allowing one person to burn themselves to open another person, that person will also be tired.
"Painful men" both long to be understood and afraid of being seen through, and may not feel it myself, but it is really difficult for them to achieve perfection in their hearts as partners.
After reading these two pairs, my biggest feeling is that although love is great, it can never save anyone.
Many people with painful personalities may have been hurt in their past family or emotional experiences, so they turn to expecting to be healed and understood in love.
But this expectation often becomes a painful transmission, or the pressure on the partner, in the relationship encountered a little unhappy, it is easy to associate with the previous pain.
Of course, loving someone will definitely want to heal the shadow of this person's past, but the problem is that people who have no similar experience, or people who are born optimistic, it is difficult to understand each other with a painful personality, and can only directly collect negative energy.
The reason why it is unfortunate to be close to such "painful men" is because such partners are almost all consuming.
However, pain does not distinguish between men and women, in fact, I myself have been in my own feelings, and I have also consumed the side of others because of pain.
When I was a child, I was insecure for some reasons, so when I grew up in love, I was particularly demanding of my partner, hoping that the other party was perfect, and if there was something imperfect, I would ask the other party to become more perfect for me.
"If I had a partner who was good enough, I could be less miserable" is something I think deep inside.
Now that I think about it, this kind of thinking is naïve and naïve, and it has also harmed many people who are good to me.
The truth is that some pain is like a black hole, as if the best people can't make up for that emptiness.
So I began to reflect, is it possible that because I can't self-recognize, even the best feelings can't cure myself?
I once saw a sentence to the effect that "some pain can only save yourself", as for the process of self-help, everyone may be different, but in the end this process is by no means completed by others, only on their own.
So if you are a painful personality, please do not expect love to heal you, there is a certain chance that falling in love will make you better, but in the end you still can't escape facing yourself.
If you have not experienced any pain since childhood, it may be easy to be attracted to people with painful personalities, but this complex charm requires vigilance, and behind it is often emotional instability, negative energy bursting, and unprecedented emotional pressure.
In short, no matter which side you are, you must recognize one thing: love cannot save anyone if he himself is in the mire.
Head image / Arren Aarren
Illustration / "Goodbye Lover"
"The Announcer at 22:22 Tonight"