（240）
The heart is swollen. When all my grievances could no longer be spoken, I was even more unable to save myself. But I still hope to get help and pull from others, and the only one who can hope is my brother. After thinking about it for a long time, I finally had no way out, which made me pluck up the courage to ask my brother for help. I messaged him —
"I used to disbelieve in fate, but now I feel more and more that something seems to be innate. Since I was a child, I seemed to be a weak person, a protected one, and when I grew up, I was still an inexplicable dwarf, always with a low brow and a good look, and I didn't live without myself. It wasn't until the age of 40 that he came out of the inferiority complex that accompanied him. I have always thought that from now on, I can continue to surpass myself and have a bright future, but I have not, and the problems left to me by those chaotic years have always been lingering and affecting my life now.
I'm a problem kid, maybe not a big problem. But I formed a family with another problem child, and many things that neither of us could mature to face, the bearers of the consequences became three people. The disharmony of our marriage has led to the disharmony of family relations, resulting in the communication of three people becoming a problem, everyone feels screwed, depressed, the happiness index is too low, for a long time, it is a cumulative harm to the body and spirit. Until I got sick, some fundamental problems were not well solved, and new contradictions pushed the problem to a climax...
I don't know if I can support myself anymore. Brother, what can I do? For so many years, I was like a burden on my family, adding too much burden to you. I've been trying to turn over and turn over again, but I turned over, but the road is not good, is this fate? ......”
My brother's reply let me know that the only straw I could hold on to was just my imagination. I have nowhere else to call for help!
Torment, endless suffering...
（241）
Back in Fuxin, I got off the high-speed train, couldn't find the forest, and only found a vacant lot to practice GuoLin Qigong.
It's November, and I want to reconcile with myself, with life. I want to shake off the dirt on my body and make it my own step...
（242）
I saw a sentence said by the writer Feng Chen: "The so-called parents and children are just nourishing each other." I thought I had given everything for you, but in the end I realized that it was me who had achieved it. ”
（243）
More and more loss of self-confidence: the ability to run their own family, the ability to be a mother, the ability to love, and the ability to be personal are all lost. What's wrong with me...
Severe frustration. The mentality is not well adjusted! It's as if the mind is going to get sick, so painful!
See a post that said that the doctor discovered the secret: the disease comes from a traumatic heart. Makes sense!
Practicing Guo Lin Qigong
（244）
When I occasionally help a little bit of my family, I think I'm still useful, I have to live. I made mistakes, I was right... There are a lot of contradictions and conflicts in the heart that are constantly churning...
I have frequent diarrhea when I'm nervous, and cough when I sleep less. I know the importance of protecting my body, but it's impossible not to be tired, I have a dilemma. My Chinese medicine doctor said that she understands that people are not grass and trees who can be ruthless, but my physical condition has been beaten back to the past, and she asked me to continue to follow up once a week in order to help me adjust at any time according to the situation...