Demons, unbearable families

For a long time, a strong impulse, this feeling, let me have countless times the idea of breaking up or even taking my own life, this pain has been deepening endlessly.

I was born in a rural family, my father has many brothers and sisters, my father is the third oldest, my grandfather has a strange personality, my father is one of the eight brothers and sisters who completely inherited the strange personality of their father, my uncle in their generation suffered deeply, this is a perverted love, selfish love caused, unfortunately the next person is myself, and I not only have to bear this kind of harm, my mother is the icing on the cake, really, this pain, this trauma, it is really unimaginable.

I was born in 88, my birth, let my mother instantly have confidence and sense of existence, since then "you are my life, not you I have died a long time ago", such a sentence accompanied me for almost twenty years. My dad has a weird personality and is extremely ignorant, and he can believe the nonsense that he can give birth to a daughter that is not your kind (from my father's uncle). As I grew older, I had very little impression of my father, who went out to work and came back once a year. For the previous confused era, my father was also one of the very few people who could work hard every month to go home, my mother was an authentic rural person, with me and my sister, life was very frugal, at that time most people thought about livelihood, education for them is to be able to read, read can not go out to work, and then start a family, that generation of children, can be said to completely rely on their own nature to shape themselves. My sister's personality follows my father, but she is a girl, she has been excellent since childhood, my personality follows my mother, kind, but particularly naughty, active thinking, quite imaginative. I grew up almost every day under the whipping of my family, my mother's same words can be said year after year, day after day, I really can't say it at this point, my head is full of that scarred words and ugly expressions, calm down!