Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book", "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University": "Chapter 3 Career Choice: Listen to Your Own, Or Listen to Your Parents".
Text: Case studies
1. A common dilemma in psychological counseling - one to the left or to the right
As the saying goes, poor parents in the world.
This refers not only to the broken hearts of parents in raising their children, but also to the fact that many of the hearts of parents are not accepted by their children. Therefore, parents do not worry about it, it is not worried about it, and it is really not an easy job to be a parent.
In this case, Jiahui's father insisted on sending his daughter to Harvard Law School because he thought that was the only way she could be an upright American. This is the profound experience of Jiahui's father who immigrated to the United States for many years, and it is also a portrayal of his own life. As a person who has been tempered by the work of studying abroad, I can fully appreciate the hard heart of Jiahui's father for his daughter.
However, Jiahui has other plans for her life path, and this plan is quite well-founded. Jiahui is reluctant to do what she does not like to do, and wants to pursue her personal life dreams and happiness. As Jiahui's consultant, I can fully understand her thoughts.
So, in the conflict between father and daughter, which side should I take, or what kind of action should I take?
This is a common dilemma in counseling.
2. How counselors should face this dilemma – being a "neutral" person
In fact, as a counselor, I don't need to stand on either side, and I can't stand on either side.
If you are on the side of the student, the student is bound to say to the parent, "Even the school teacher thinks that my idea is right, your idea is wrong.
What else do you have to say?" In that case, parents may find the school and complain that your teacher supports his son against Lao Tzu and makes you a head of ash.
If you are on the side of your parents, it will be difficult for students to share a common language with you and to maintain confidence in your counseling. Originally, it was not enough for people to listen to Lao Tzu's reprimand at home, and when they came to school, they had to listen to the teacher's reprimand, and there was no end!
Therefore, to do psychological counseling, it is often left or right, and it is not pleasing to the ear!
This is a challenge often encountered in psychological counseling.
So, how should we deal with this dilemma?
First, we need to think that we are not God, not saviors, and cannot take the place of students or their parents. We do the work of enlightenment and guidance, not the work of persuading lessons. Thinking of it this way, we put ourselves at a level with the position of the student, and there is no question of who obeys whom.
Second, we should know that what we have to do is to "draw from the bottom of the pot", not "add fuel to the fire". We need to help the two sides of the conflict to exchange ideas and try to think from the other's point of view, not to make one side fall to the other.
In fact, everything is divided into two, that is, no matter how unreasonable things are, there may be desirable places. If both sides of the conflict can recognize this, the contradiction will be alleviated. That's exactly what I'm trying to do in this dilemma.
unscramble:
In this chapter, the author raises the question of the counselor's "position", that is, the "neutral" person who does psychological counseling, not the mediator.
Speaking of neutrality, I think of the working-class neutral people who are slowly prevailing nowadays. The prevailing workplace neutral people refer to the fact that more and more people in the workplace have become wise nowadays, "neutral" is not only displayed in the fashion trend of wearing, but also reflected in the professional style, they know how to absorb the gender advantages of the opposite sex, the advantages of women and men complement each other, and integrate into their own way of dealing with others. In fact, from the perspective of the development trend between countries in the world today, the common development advocated by China, promoting the construction of a global development community, and reducing the gap between countries is not the concept of "neutral" development? Of course, some readers will say, you have pulled far, which is with which! Yes, it seems to be a little far away, but deeply speaking, the "neutrality" of the psychological counselor is actually to let the two sides of the disagreement come together, let the differences merge into one, and form a consensus, as the saying goes, "matchmaking". But this "neutrality" and this "matchmaking" are not the counselors personally giving orders and favoring the other side, but through the right counseling method, let the two sides of the contradiction themselves go to "neutrality". The "neutrality" of the psychological counselor is also a bit like the chemical neither acidic nor alkaline nature, not left, not right, not wall grass, not the east wind over the west wind, I am just a psychological counselor, I am not God, not the savior, but to achieve the effect of counseling. Isn't it difficult? It's not hard to call psychology!
Of course, "neutral" people are not mediators. A mediator is generally a third party that uses methods such as persuasion and suggestions to facilitate negotiations and agreements. The mediator must be considered neutral by both sides, as is the role of the United Nations. But why is it that counselors are not mediators? Because the counselor's counseling to the client is not persuasion, but only inspiration, so that the client can awaken himself. Of course, the consultation process also has recommended guidance, but it is not mediation. Because the counselor is not persuasion, it is guidance. Because Baidu Encyclopedia's explanation of persuasion is 1, it means that public relations personnel use a variety of communication methods to try to influence the public to accept the views of the organization, or to promote the public to take some initiative to take some action. 2. Persuade people to do something or make people agree to something. Persuasion has a coercive connotation. As the author of this article argues, the "neutral" person of the counselor "does the work of inspiration and guidance, not the work of persuasion and lessons" and "helps the two sides of the contradiction to exchange ideas and try to think from the other's point of view, not to make one party fall to the other." "Therefore, counseling by a counselor cannot be biased in favor of either side.
Therefore, from his personal experience, Dr. Yue Xiaodong warned psychological counselors what is the position of "neutral" people, we are not ordinary people who are not psychological counselors, and we do not want to understand a little truth from it? Including the attitude and method of parents to their children, hehe, I am not persuading Oh!
November 1, 2021 #Counselor said #