The death of The Perfect Scholar Zhang Yide has aroused widespread discussion, and the education method of "one has his father" has also attracted much attention.
"One get his father" is undoubtedly very attentive to the child's education, and many educational concepts and educational methods are also worth learning, which has deep admiration!
But after watching "The Parenting Story of His Father", there is always an indescribable strange and awkward feeling. One daddy seems to be a little too the child's education, pouring everything for the child, and doing many things by himself. Quitting the executive, selling houses to build houses in the suburbs, building tree houses, container houses, farms, football fields, making boats, hand-sewing, slides and more than 200 handicrafts, meals that have not been repeated for ten years, but also from the creativity of life. Financially poor, but crowdfunding to send their children to expensive international schools. Children are required to speak English at the age of one to three, and even the little bird mynahs who raise them hope to know English, be able to speak and sing and write. The child did not live up to his expectations and became a typical legendary "other people's child": he finished learning primary school textbooks at the age of 3, wrote physics papers in English in the 5th grade, scored 118 points in the TOEFL test in high school, won a full scholarship to an international school in high school, and was admitted to the philosophy department of Oxford College of Emory University, a U.S. Catholic university known as "South Harvard" at the age of 18.
But this sunny, handsome, versatile, and excellent near-perfect child could not bear the weight of life and came to an abrupt end.
Many times we think that we have sacrificed ourselves and fulfilled others, but in fact, our sacrifices often only touch ourselves and tire others. Either others are unaware, or they bring unbearable pressure to others.
Too many parents are still immersed in such self-emotion, but children are deeply immersed in the great sadness of being controlled and not understood. In this year of the epidemic, there are rumors of children who are deeply depressed and jump off buildings, and many of them belong to "other people's children" and learn to bully. When tragedy strikes, poor parents are devastated and remorseful. But depression does not occur overnight, why do these parents never know themselves, do not reflect, do not take it for granted? Sometimes, in the name of love, parents are "all for the good of their children", high standards, strict requirements, and "due diligence" to force their children to a dead end.
How can a person who gives up on himself and does not respect himself respect others and understand their feelings? The more desperate the bet, the higher the expectation. The more you give, the higher the expected return. When the returns don't meet expectations, the more disappointments and complaints you have, the more negative emotions you have. The more you give up, the more stressful the bearer becomes. The most important thing is that your abandonment and sacrifice may not be what the other party wants, and may also hinder the life he wants, and he must give up his life to respond to your sacrifice and payment, otherwise he may bear the insults of "ungrateful" and "filial piety".
Parents do not have to be hands-on and self-sacrificing in their children's education. The way you work hard and live seriously is the best example for your child. Your words and deeds, as a person, do not affect your children all the time. Instead of sacrificing everything to educate children, it is better to teach by example and imperceptibly. Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, and their unfulfilled wishes are hard to achieve on their own, do not try to pass it on to the child, because your dreams are often not his dreams. Don't covet your own enjoyment, but force your child to work hard.
This is true of parent-child relationships, and it is also true of husband and wife relationships. Many women are willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their families, give up growth, give up their promotion opportunities, and even give up their jobs to become full-time wives. But when one side grows too fast and the other side stops growing, this unbalanced relationship is fraught with danger and gain. Self-sacrifice may not only fail to exchange the other person's gratitude and respect, but also turn yourself into a insecure woman.
Temperance of love for children, love for family. Love yourself first, don't control others, and don't cause trouble to others.
Everyone strives to live their own life, parents work hard, children study hard, husband and wife progress together, everyone has their own interests and hobbies, neither dependent on others nor controlling others. Understanding, tolerance, equality and love, this is the best state of family survival.