The horrors of widowhood parenting can only be truly understood by those who know how difficult it is to raise children, because of marriage and pregnancy, parenting has gradually become the most interesting thing for me. I originally thought that it was terrible enough for women to raise infants and young children almost independently in marriage, but I saw in this book something even more terrible than widowed parenting: in a trivial and ordinary life, the husband uses seemingly ordinary words to hit women as wives and mothers day after day, year after year, so that she gradually loses herself, loses her ability to think, loses the ability to survive independently, loses the ability to self-confidence, and gradually becomes a tool of the family, a vassal of the husband, a servant of the child. They are humble, nervous, unable to distinguish whether this is malice or fact, thinking that this is all their own reasons, that they are worse than the average person, that they are not doing well, that they are even careful to drink a can of beer, and that they are afraid of being seen by their husbands and making fun of alcohol dependence.
"Home on the Slope" is a masterpiece by Japanese writer Mitsuyo Kakuda, which tells the story of the mother Mizuho who accidentally killed her 8-month-old daughter in a trance and was accused of murder, and people of various identities were summoned to a jury to witness the 8-day public trial, viewing the public trial and her own life from the perspective of the heroine Sasuke, who has a 3-year-old daughter and is in a similar situation to Mizuho.
Did this mother really murder her own daughter? She looks so ordinary, not particularly different from the people around us, is such a person really guilty of murder? What the hell happened in her life?
Rishazi, who has been a housewife for a long time, has been out of society for too long, is she really capable of participating in the trial of the case as a juror? Because this is an unshirkable volunteer job, with a strong sense of self-doubt and uneasiness, the heroine entered the courtroom.
Every day at trial, they hear the statements of witnesses from all sides, understand and judge how complicated their words are. Because Chiho's husband, mother, mother-in-law, and girlfriend have different positions, their testimonies show a completely different Chiho. The truth seems to be getting more and more confusing...
In addition to the boring and lengthy trial, Li Shazi is also the mother of a 3-year-old girl, the pressure of parenting, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the relationship between husband and wife, the parent-child relationship, the frequent problems, the pressure on her breathless, several times suspect that she has mental problems.
The most terrible thing is that as the trial passes day by day, the heroine sees her own shadow in Chiho, and their situation is surprisingly similar: the estranged original family, resigning at home for childbirth, raising children alone, the relationship with her husband has no love, day after day is secretly hit by her husband's words, but she does not know it, as long as the person says something, she is absorbed by herself and gradually loses herself.
Through each day's trial, Rishako gradually sees a clearer and clearer picture of the case, and while she thinks about the tragedy of Chiho, she also repeatedly experiences her own life. Like a bird out of its cage, she finally had the opportunity to look at her life from a new perspective, and suddenly found herself living so humble and cautious and, unhappy. In this process, the heroine began to think independently again, from the beginning of the husband's words to accept all the orders, to gradually doubt, she finally understood that as her closest person, many of her husband's words and practices represent a blow, all of which are saying "you can't do": drinking a few cans of beer is alcohol dependence; letting the daughter cry and ignore it is suspected of abusing her; the public trial makes the heroine feel pressure is that she is incompetent. It turned out that his self-confidence was lost day by day. So why did he, as a lover, do this to himself? Why hit yourself so hard? What bad things did you do? The heroine finally understands, because those people only know how to love others in this way, which is what they call love.
As the trial drew to a close, Risha completed her own experience. She was like a fish regaining oxygen, relieved. Because it is an open-ended ending, the reader does not know where the heroine's life will go in the future, but I believe that she will never return to her original life, because she has regained her self and the ability to think. In the future, she is likely to return to the workplace, and after having financial independence, the quality of her marriage may improve, and she may divorce her daughter. This is also the most gratifying thing for me, she finally knows to pursue happiness again. In the process of reading this book, I mourned her misfortune again and again, was angry, and was disappointed by the lowliness of the heroine, their married life made me feel depressed from beginning to end, there was no happiness at all, for me such a life had no need to continue, what was she thinking?! In fact, I am not qualified to judge her in this way, as a working woman, I will definitely continue my career after marriage, so I can't understand the mentality of a full-time housewife. She was also a confident and ambitious professional woman, she was not so humble and cowardly at the beginning, she was gradually caught up in the quagmire of marriage and parenting. If you have never experienced the pain of others, you are not qualified to say "what is this", this evaluation is too cruel.
Marriage is for happiness, childbearing is for happiness, and parenting must also be happy. The next step in losing financial ability is likely to be the loss of self, never forget to be a spiritually independent person.
