Many depressed children will ask for help at the beginning, hoping for spiritual comfort, but they get a reply from their parents: "What doctor to see?" Sick moaning knows to waste money for the family, to be pretentious "... The more you are ignored and ridiculed, the more you lose the ability to ask for help, and then you smile and destroy yourself.
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Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
01
Recently, with the release of the movie "First Incense", the bad comments of the heroine Ma Sichun once again swept the Internet. Netizens once again mercilessly publicly approved Ma Sichun's figure: "The figure is not slender enough, there is no sense of small white flowers, the whole film is this kind of loose or shawl clothes, I don't know if I think I am pregnant." ”
"Fat, not beautiful, awkward acting, pretending to be literary..." Over the years, the discussion and ridicule surrounding Ma Sichun have never stopped.
Netizens accused Ma Sichun, as an actress, of not even doing the most basic body management well.
Not long ago, Ma Sichun appeared in a variety show, and at first when she saw the guests, she was a little cowering and not confident enough. Until she became familiar with the guests, she opened her own box of words: all along, she has relied on taking medicine to control depression, gained 8 pounds in 3 days, and has not slept well for more than ten years. The psychological crux, fed back on the body, is a series of physiological dysfunctions.
"At its worst, the body becomes very stiff, the legs are very soft, the eyes are briefly blind, and there is a very serious asthma, very helpless."
As we all know, Ma Sichun's starting point in life is not low, her aunt is Jiang Wenli, who has had the opportunity to contact the screen since childhood, and when others run dragon sets, she easily entered the entertainment circle. Not only is his appearance high, his acting skills are not bad, and he has also won the Golden Horse Awards with Zhou Dongyu.
Ma Sichun's aunt Jiang Wenli and uncle Gu Changwei can be described as subversive after their debut.
Therefore, many people do not understand, such an excellent and smooth Ma Sichun, how can she still be depressed?
02
Ma Sichun, who was ridiculed by half of the entertainment industry group, first disclosed the beginning and end of his depression on Weibo.
She said that the concept of "thinking about others" that has been instilled by family education since childhood may be the biggest demon that has led to depression in recent years, but unexpectedly, a few simple words have resonated with countless netizens.
In the public impression, Ma Sichun is different from other actresses, although she lives in a colorful entertainment circle, she gives people an image of a "well-behaved girl", and behind this image is the result of parental education.
Ma Sichun confessed that the elders in the family from childhood taught her to be obedient, to know how to be humble and considerate of others.
Ma Sichun, who grew up in such an environment, developed the character of "preferring to wrong herself rather than trouble others", she will be centered on others in everything, and she will fall deeper and deeper in the world without self.
Whether it is when he was a child or after he grew up, Ma Sichun lived carefully, afraid that his actions would bring a burden to others, and even did not dare to go to the toilet in the high-speed service area, because he was afraid that the driver would feel trouble.
She confided that the reason why she was so sensitive and so difficult for herself was because she was afraid of others getting angry, afraid of others being sad, afraid of others not liking her...
But many times, too much care about the feelings of others, ignoring themselves, will eventually only make themselves into a leather band that is constantly pulled, and I don't know when, it will be broken.
In addition, not only do you usually have to suppress your own thoughts in contact with people, even if you encounter unfair treatment, Ma Sichun's parents will not let her have the opportunity to express her psychological demands.
As early as when he was studying, Ma Sichun had encountered bullying incidents in schools. But when she told her parents what had happened, she didn't expect them to say only one downstatement: "Ignore her, you just have to prove that you live better than her." ”
The indifference of her parents pushed Ma Sichun into the abyss of pain, and she had no other way but to suppress her sadness.
In the final analysis, the improper education methods of the original family have stifled Ma Sichun's source of happiness, and her experience is also the epitome of thousands of Chinese families.
03
In the cause of depression in minors, there is always a place that Chinese parents cannot shake, and everyone knows it, only they themselves do not know.
In recent years, depression in children has not been new.
In 2018, the Child Development Center of Beijing Medical University issued a report on child suicide in China - "Do you know that China is the largest country for child suicide". The report mentions a statistic that about 100,000 teenagers die by suicide each year in China. Every minute, 2 people died by suicide and 8 attempted suicides.
Children are the most sensitive and vulnerable part of the social unit, and in the drastic changes in society, children are also the parts that need the most attention and protection. Depression in children and adolescents is a complex structural problem, but the most important part of it is always the parents.
In the TV series "Little Joy", because of the divorce of parents and the "high requirements" of their mothers, the child finally could not withstand the stress disease
Lin Hong, deputy chief physician of the Clinical Psychology Center of Peking University Sixth Hospital, said:
Children are the easiest to absorb the whole family difficulty, children are sick, often are family diseases, if the whole family disease is not cured, you only treat one of them is not enough.
Looking around, whether thousands of Chinese-style parents like Ma Sichun's parents have also been "indifferent" when their children are bullied, whether they always deny their children's pride and dreams, and whether they control their lives as accessories. And all of this, in the eyes of these parents, seems to be "in the name of love." They don't even know the right way to love each other, the right way to love children, and so-called love comes with shackles, conditions, and worldly frameworks.
In such a lack of empathy, the most terrible thing about adolescent depression is not that it cannot be treated, but that parents not only do not pay attention to it, but even have no solution to depression. In numerous cases of adolescent depression, children are hated by their parents as "temperamental" and "cowardly", and the only thing that seems to be rewarded to them is ridicule and blame.
The loneliness of not being understood is destined to make depressed children even more desperate. This is an invisible contest, the opponent is very strong, but the child has no help, only to fight alone, if you are not careful, you will fall into the abyss.
No parent, on the other hand, wants their child to be a "sick person." Depression, in particular, looks no different from ordinary people on the outside, and parents do not want to label their children as sick. On the one hand, they deny it, and on the other hand, they use their own worldview to rationalize their explanation of depression as much as possible.
Many children say, "They may have known early on that I had depression, but they didn't seem to want to admit it." ”
04
In 2000, Liang Jing, an academician at the School of Pharmacy of the University of Southern California, first proposed the "inhibition of nerve receptors - guided support protein theory", she pointed out: some adolescents have been in high stress, irregular sleep, sudden fear, domestic violence and other environments for a long time, resulting in damage to their brain suppression nervous system, and eventually insomnia, anxiety, memory loss, and even symptoms of severe depression with suicidal tendencies.
The Blue Book of China's National Mental Health (2019-2020) shows that in 2020, 24.6% of adolescents in China were depressed, of which the detection rate of mild depression was 17.2% and that of severe depression was 7.4%.
Detection rate of depression by sample (%)
This means that in China, for various reasons, there is one depressed child in every four families.
In this regard, Academician Liang Jing said: Parents of depressed children actually need psychological counseling!
First of all, because children's psychological problems often come from the family, parental changes can critically block the occurrence of problems. When parents say, "I am in psychological counseling", this is a major positive hint, expressing the inner activity of parents "I know my past education problems, I need to change", which is also a major comfort and spiritual drive for children.
In addition, in the process of intervention in children's psychological problems, if parents are responsible for a long time, they also carry huge pressures and setbacks, and carry major emotional trauma caused by educational failures. Objectively, parents also need to be comforted and cared for.
Therefore, it is very important for parents to enter into a serious and formal psychological consultation.
Brain Yuekang hopes that in the face of children's depression, every family is willing to work together, rather than fighting alone like an island. Psychological disorder is a battle that children cannot lose in childhood, which requires the empathy and acceptance of a family, courage and knowledge, and also needs the companions on the way forward to drive and inspire each other. Perhaps in the process, children will slowly discover that depression may not be the enemy, but an opportunity to explore the meaning of the family, build precious links, and share beautiful love.