"Home on the Ramp" is an attractive title that breaks down our usual perception of home. Perhaps we have all seen such a sentence, home is the safest place for us to rest assured. The home on the ramp is the source of our uneasiness.
Why did the home become like this? What is the situation in the family we live in? How much do we know about the home we live in? This is where this novel makes me think deeply.
As mitsuyo Kakuda, the book's author, says, it's not just about the situation of young mothers, she wants everyone to see themselves in it.
Only by being aware of our situation can we have the opportunity to change.
01.
The truth behind the evil woman
New mom Rishako was chosen as a juror in a case in which her eight-month-old daughter drowned her eight-month-old daughter in a bathtub.
On the surface, the case is very clear, Mizuho is an unqualified mother, and even a bad girl. After delving into the case, KeliShazi discovers the truth behind the evil girl.
Mizuho was originally a white-collar woman with a successful career, and after marriage, she became a housewife in order to raise children. The spikes of water that can be used in the career are gradually consumed by children and lose their self-confidence.
In the process of communicating with other mothers, Mizuho found that her daughter was developing more slowly than other children, and Mizuho was depressed, but she did not dare to talk to her husband and mother-in-law.
Because in their eyes, not raising a child well is the mother's dereliction of duty, and if The water spike screams bitterly, or if there is something wrong with the child, she will be questioned that she is not a good mother.
The depression and suffocation in Shui Sui's heart have no place to vent, the husband and mother-in-law choose to watch from the sidelines, and the children are endlessly fooling around, and the piles and piles will crush the water spikes breathlessly, which finally leads to the tragedy.
This was The clue that Li Shazi had figured out, but she sadly found that no one understood Mizuho and no one understood her. She and Mizuho are two mothers with the same disease, and no one else can empathize. Why?
In the novel, it is said that people have excessive illusions about the identity of mothers, which is the root of the problem. Therefore, on the cover of this book, it is written that women are weak and mothers are strong, which is the world's greatest malice towards women.
We have all heard the phrase "mother" and there are indeed many such touching examples in reality. But what we don't realize is that this phrase is sometimes an identity kidnapping that forces mothers to give their all for their children, for their families, for their husbands, whether you like it or not.
A good mother should be a mother, because everyone thinks like this, and this is what they do, and if they can't do it, it's your problem.
It is this excessive fantasy of the mother that overwhelms The water spike, she gave everything to take care of her daughter, but in the end she let herself lose more and more self-confidence, but she did not dare and could not cry bitterly, because no one would understand her, even the husband would only ask lightly, others can do it, why can't you?
When a person works hard alone, he is blamed for not doing a good job, which is the encounter of Mizuho, the encounter of Li Shazi, and the truth that is ignored behind the evil woman.
02.
Single life for two people
Lai Weifeng has a song "The Single Life of Two People", which sings the current situation of many people's love and marriage, which is obviously the life of two people, but sometimes it is no different from being single.
Just like Mizuho and Li Shazi in the novel, in order to take care of their children, they give up their careers and concentrate on being housewives. But in the eyes of the husband, housework and childcare seem to have become the wife's business alone.
There is a scene in "Jin Zhiying Born in 82", where the husband says to Jin Zhiying, I can help you share some housework. Jin Zhiying asked rhetorically, "Can you stop saying help me, isn't this your home, not your child?" ”
This is the current situation of many families, and it is also the dilemma that wives face. This situation has also derived several words, widowhood parenting, ghost parenting, the meaning of which is self-evident.
In the novel, because the child is crying, Li Shazi left the child in the park, and the result was just seen by the husband who came home, and a dispute arose, the husband blamed Li Shazi for treating the child harshly, and Li Shazi felt that the husband did not understand how hard he worked with the child.
This seems to be an insoluble problem, because it is difficult for a husband who has not experienced the difficulty of child-rearing to empathize with Li Shazi's depressed emotions. But his understated accusations were enough to break Richardson's downfall. When a person is working alone, but he is blamed for not doing a good job, no one can calmly accept the accusation at this time.
What is even more ironic is that while the husband is condemning Li Shazi, he is doing the same thing as Li Shazi. Because her daughter was crying, the husband went directly to the hotel. Compared with Li Shazi, how is the husband better?
But no one will compare it this way, because it is difficult for people to objectively evaluate wives and husbands, wives' contributions to the family will always be selectively ignored, and the husband's whimsical family care will always receive countless praises.
Two-person families are often single as a result.
03.
Marriage doesn't need to be a hilarious person
In recent years, more and more writers have begun to pay attention to feminist themes, from "Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise" to "All Is Good" to "Jin Zhiying Born in 82", the word feminism has been repeatedly mentioned.
But unfortunately, the repeated mention is sometimes exchanged for deeper misunderstandings, "Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise" said that using words you do not understand is a crime, so how many people know what feminism really means?
I especially like a sentence after the book "Jin Zhiying Born in 82", the pursuit is not feminism, but the freedom of both sexes. All those who subscribe to the idea of equality between men and women are feminists.
"Home on the Ramp" does not focus on the huge group of women, but focuses on the identity of mothers. But what we see in it is not just the situation of the mother.
Motherhood is an identity kidnapping of all mothers. Excessively promoting motherhood is an excessive fantasy about the identity of motherhood.
But this kind of identity kidnapping actually plagues each and every one of us.
This novel has been made into a Japanese drama of the same name, many people call it "contraceptive drama", which is of course just a joke, this book does not promote the idea of infertility, it just wants to trigger our deep thinking about marriage, family, and parenting.
It is the arrival of the New Year, and while the New Year is celebrating, marriage promotion has become a traditional reserved program for most families.
Dare to say like Yan Ning with full confidence that "I am not married, I do not owe anyone an explanation" after all, the people are a minority, in the ear of relatives and friends hit, most people collapse into the army, the final result, just like the song sang, "Friends are married", single people still dare to continue to wait?
However, getting married is not a street crossing, and there is no need to increase participation and security by joining in the fun.