Like most people, Sisi had postpartum depression in the past, and when he was severe, he wanted to end his life, and even cut his wrist once, and now the scar is still red. She said that the moment the knife was cut she felt very comfortable, inexplicably relaxed.
I met her son when he was two years old, both out of town, and there was a fellow who was particularly kind.
For normal people like us, the moment the knife goes down is terrifying, and it is impossible to get the knife down.
Sissi was an extremely cheerful girl before marriage, with a decent job and enough income to support herself. At that time, she often went shopping with her friends and watched movies, but her shortcoming was that she could not be alone, and she liked to be lively.
She was 30 years old when she got married, and she said that her parents forced her to get married by death, and there was really no way to get married, so she got married.
Not long after marriage, Sissi became pregnant, quit her job, and concentrated on raising a baby at home.
Xi xi once asked her husband (Liu Jian) "If I raise a baby at home, I will be a full-time mother in the future, maybe I am too busy with my children to wash my face, wearing a set of pajamas at home all day long, you come back to see that I am no longer the daily light makeup and beauty of me, will you still love me as much as you do now?" ”
Liu Jian said: "I love you for whatever you become, rest assured!" ”
Saying this is when we are both in love with each other, and we absolutely believe in everything we say.
Liu Jian is the second son in the family, the first brother, the back two younger brothers, it can be said that Liu Jian is the least favored and the most sensible one.
When Liu Jian first took Xixi home to meet his parents, he was ostracized by his sister-in-law before he entered the door. The future mother-in-law did not have a good face, saying that her body was too thin, and I was afraid that she would not be able to have children in the future.
Sisi has been the jewel in the palm of his parents since he was a child, where he has been treated like this, and after one night, he eats breakfast the next day and leaves. Fortunately, Liu Jian loved her enough.
Since then, she has not gone to her in-laws' house, and even married herself, she has only set up a wedding feast at Sissi's house. Anyway, after marriage, it is also separated, and it is not annoying to see the eyes.
After marriage, Sissy became a full-time wife, and a year later she was a full-time mother.
During pregnancy, Liu Jian pushed off most of the company's socializing in order to accompany Xixi more. Pregnant she is often depressed, often throwing her face, Liu Jian knows that pregnant women are so moody, and they did not take it seriously, and the trouble was made by her, and then coaxed, that's it.
In July of the following year, Sissi gave birth to a son, nicknamed Haohao. When she gave birth, her father was hospitalized for advanced liver cancer, and it was only a few months away.
Liu Jian was still busy with work during the month, getting up early every day to make meals for her, hurrying back at noon to make lunch, and coming back from work in the evening to make dinner, at that time their economic situation was not enough to invite their sister-in-law, plus their father was seriously ill and needed high expenses.
The combination of this series of events made the already weak Sissi even worse.
Sissi often washed her face with tears, and she couldn't understand why her parents forced her to get married, why she had to choose a husband with many brothers, why she had to marry so far, why she married a man with such a heavy sense of enterprise, so that no one cared about the confinement now.
In her mind, it was like she had a self-written copy of "100,000 Whys", and it was like a small alley in the ancient town of the south, and all of them were dead ends, like falling into a swamp pool, sinking deeper and deeper.
During the month, she was just lazy and speechless, and there was no expression, Liu Jian just thought that her weak body had not yet recovered, but she did not know that she had already planned that one afternoon after the full moon, she would end it herself.
That day, it was the thirtieth day of the confinement, she cleaned up the house, fed the child, she wanted to wait for Liu Jian to leave work, the child would not wait for his father, or hungry for too long.
Expecting Liu Jian to arrive home in ten minutes, she took the fruit knife and cut her wrist, at that moment she felt extremely relaxed, she was going to get rid of everything in this world.
Sissi smiled at his infant son and passed out.
The moment she closed her eyes, Liu Jian came back early today, and she still smiled, as if she saw the beauty of heaven.
After Liu Jian arrived home, he immediately hit 120 and sent Xixi to rescue him.
Probably her human mission had not yet been completed, and after a blood transfusion, Sissi was back.
She hadn't done anything like that to end her life, and of course, she didn't think it was stupid. Her personality also became irritable and irritable. It seems that it was not Sisi who was rescued, but another person.
She became so strange that Liu Jian didn't know her anymore.
Liu Jian knew that his wife was sick, and he began to be busy with work, and he wanted to earn money to see Xixi and raise his son.
Xixi felt that Liu Jian did not love himself anymore, and often came back in the middle of the night, and he was still drunk. Sissi quarreled with him, scared and cried her son, she ignored it, and only cared to vent her emotions.
The same is true for his son, who throws him aside when he has no patience and allows him to cry and cry until enough. Therefore, the contradictions between husband and wife are deepening.
In the blink of an eye, the child is 3 years old, but the child is taken by Xixi, screams when he sees strangers, throws things, hits people, rolls on the ground and cries when he encounters what he wants, no child in school is willing to play with him, they are afraid of his screaming, hitting people.
No matter how bad a woman is, she still has "motherhood".
She saw her son's current condition, and then thought of her strange self in the past few years, and she began to realize that she had done too much wrong, as if she had suddenly woken up from the previous Sisi.
After her son went to school, I asked her to go to the yoga studio to practice yoga, to climb the mountain together, and to go to the library together. I want her to slowly get better, learn to love herself, and learn to control her emotions. Liu Jian has had a successful career in the past two years, and these expenses are not a problem.
Not to disappoint us, I watched her change a little bit, and three months later I saw the rejuvenated Sissi, her light makeup and beauty, smiling. She said that her relationship with Liu Jian is now better, the husband and wife love, but the son has to change slowly.
Sissi said that she used to be too attached, obsessed with everyone around her, to everything. I want what I have, all the people around me should revolve around me, they should love me, but when I find out that they don't love me, I go crazy, I think the world is unfair. I critique everything in this world, but I have never looked at myself.
Later, I met you, and I seemed to like you, like your calmness, and like your calmness. I'm willing to get close to you, and you make me very comfortable.
I began to learn from you, no, to imitate you, as if you saw it.
You asked me to go to yoga, read books, take me on a morning run, teach me crafts, teach me good food.
I found myself in yoga, I saw calmness in books, I saw the wider world, and handicrafts and food made me get along more and more with my husband and son and family of three.
When I began to love myself, I found that everyone around me loved me, and my in-laws would send us hometown specialties. My husband surprises me every holiday, my son will give me a pat on the back, and my mother is proud of me.
Hideko Yamashita said in "Breaking Away": "If you want to be happy, you must let go of the obsession with happiness." Not being able to let go is not a kind of nostalgia, but an obsession."
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