Do you know what is the most torturous state in a relationship?

It is in the swamp of feelings that you soberly watch yourself sink deep again and again, but you have no power to fight back. You know that you can't have a result, you know that it's a wrong relationship, you know that sooner or later you have to be separated. But you know you can't do it. You pull and pull, delete and add, add and delete, and contact every once in a while, year after year. I want to separate but I can't bear it, and I can't break it clean. I wanted to continue, and I was angry. There is no way back to the past.

You deleted him, not really wanting to break it, it's reason telling you that the relationship should be broken. But after deleting him, in the countless times of life when life is low, in countless nights of thinking about him, you can't control it. Do you say this is love or unwillingness? In fact, it is impossible to say, perhaps to regard each other as the last straw of life, as each other's spiritual pillar. In front of the truest and most honest soul, the rational you, you will really have no power to fight back.