The other day I saw a parent complain about himself:
Children learn to always love to wander, drag and rub, can not listen to anything, always can't help but yell at the child, roared to see the child pitiful, very regret self-blame, secretly decided not to yell at the child, but the next time will still be unbearable.
Parents have left messages to echo: while regretting it, they can't help it.
As a small love who communicates and interacts with parents for a long time, she is actually very aware of BaoMa's psychological activities.
Generally, children who do not obey will endure first, and they cannot control their anger. Looking at the child's aggrieved look, the heartache was unbearable, and he made up his mind not to yell again, and then...
Parents are expressing their anger by yelling at their children, and the way to deal with emotions is simple and crude: yelling out.
But you know what? Your attitude toward emotions, the way you deal with them, will affect your child.
2
Mother Xiaofang left a message in the background and complained to Xiao Ai:
I feel that my son is not as clever as before, and his memory and comprehension ability are seriously reduced.
A few days ago, my son's class teacher also sent a WeChat message to remind me to pay more attention to my child's learning.
It takes a long time for my son to memorize a simple text at school, while other students can recite it fluently after reading it a few times.
If this situation continues, the child will soon be completely crushed by other classmates.
Because of this, I was very worried, the child was doing homework at home, obviously very simple topics, and told him several times, he still couldn't remember.
I was originally more anxious, and when I saw that my child's learning status was so poor, as soon as my anger went up, I couldn't help but yell at him.
The result is useless, after yelling at him, the child is more wrong, sometimes can't help but cry, more unable to focus on the problem, really almost to kill me.
American child psychologists have pointed out:
Verbal violence has long-lasting damage to children, and many violent people have experienced verbal violence as children.
It seems that the harm caused by verbal violence is only temporary, but in fact, long-term verbal violence by parents will indeed change their children's brains, especially affect their intelligence.
The child is a mirror of the parents, and this mirror will make us see ourselves clearly
Parents are not only the givers and protectors of our material life, but also one of the most important influencers of our spiritual life.
The little girl in the public welfare film "Remove" is often scolded by her father in her original family.
When I arrived at my adoptive parents' home, I only knew how to use yelling to vent my emotions, I didn't know how to communicate, and I was retired by several families.
Although the girl has left her original family, she often remembers the picture of being beaten and scolded by her father, and she still cannot get out of her father's influence on her.
In life, we will find that many fathers, sons, mothers and daughters are in harmony with God in their words and deeds, which is the influence of parents on their children.
Your child's ability to observe and learn is very strong, and you can't wait until your child becomes like you, and you blame her for how she became like this.
Parents are the best teachers for children, you roar, he learns to bark, you laugh, he learns to love.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="138" > yelled children and are prone to stupidity</h1>
Psychologically speaking, yelling is a manifestation of bad speech, it is a verbal violence.
Eleven years of research at Harvard Medical School have shown that children who have suffered from verbal violence for a long time have impaired intelligence, inattention, and memory loss, and these injuries are permanent.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="136" > affects nervous system development</h1>
The child is in the process of physical development, the development of the nervous system is not yet perfect, if you often suffer from the parents' scolding, the spirit is in a state of high tension for a long time, which will cause local loss of the nerve fiber bundles connecting the left and right brains, thus affecting the child's intellectual development.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="134" > hippocampus degenerate</h1>
We are born with a self-protective function, and when we encounter violence, we automatically adopt a way to forget the hurt and escape the pain, so that we can avoid the hurt.
Therefore, when parents roar at their children, their self-protection mechanisms open up and forget these painful memories.
The brain is responsible for memory function is the hippocampus, then the body will stop the hippocampus from remembering, accumulating over time, will lead to the deterioration of the function of the hippocampus, then the child's memory is of course affected.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="83" > language comprehension ability deteriorates</h1>
After extensive research, scientists have found that the connections between the Wernicke region (mainly responsible for language comprehension) and the prefrontal region of the brains of children who have suffered verbal violence from their parents are significantly reduced, and the fewer the connections between these two regions, the worse the children's language comprehension ability.
Compared with yelling children, parents love their children more time, but children still have a deeper and longer-term memory of yelling, which is the response principle of brain mechanisms.
Parents must change their minds in time, understand their children more deeply, and build their children's trust with love and sincerity.
To manage children, parents need to change their ways:
01
Change the attitude and tone of speech
If parents want to manage their children well, they must control their emotions, change their attitude and tone of voice to their children, and maintain a low-pitched tone with a gentle attitude. This will help to maintain their own majesty and let the child realize the seriousness of the matter.
Psychologists' research has pointed out that compared with loudly criticizing children, it is easier for children to accept and remember with a low tone, because the low tone can make children more rational, emotionally peaceful, and conducive to self-reflection.
Deal with things as they are, and let the child be responsible for the consequences
There is a passage in the educational drama "Children Are Not Stupid 2": Adults often think that there is a lot of communication with children, in fact, they are themselves talking.
Therefore, when parents express their "anger", they may wish to replace emotional language with specific descriptions, and explain the consequences that their children have to bear.
For example, replace "Mom is at work, you need to make a little noise" instead of "Don't make a fuss!" Annoying! Replace "The quilt is not folded, you have to fold it" instead of "You are lazy not to fold the quilt, how many times have you said it!" ”
Most importantly, the consequences mentioned here, as long as they are within a reasonable range, must make the child responsible for himself. For example, if you don't want to eat, you will be hungry; if you deliberately damage the toy, you will not buy new ones.
03
Allow your child to have emotions
The child who is disciplined will definitely have emotions, he may cry regret and sadness, do wrong things afraid, be wronged and wronged; not crying may be negative, close the emotions to alleviate pain.
Parents often arbitrarily believe that the child is disobedient to discipline and has emotions, which once again causes greater emotions to scold the child. It's just our thoughts about our children's behavior, not necessarily the truth.
British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher once said: "Pay attention to your thoughts, because it determines your words and deeds." ”
If we want to do it without yelling or shouting, we must change our inherent habits of thinking. We need to understand that he is a child who understands not as much as us and needs to grow up in trial and error.
If you want to know exactly what your child's problems are, as well as the corresponding professional training methods, leave a message under the article or in the background, the expert teacher will provide you with free professional guidance!